Wednesday, June 8, 2016


Conflicted by what I know know and what I knew then
   Does new information make what you know and who you are change?
         Or does it just make you feel differently about everything?
                  I can't say for sure, processing takes me longer.

I know I feel sadness, more than anything but it comes through to you
  as anger, then I feel guilty since I know it hurts you, you think I am trying to hurt you, that I get some satisfaction out of it.  You will never understand that this is not so.   Still I cannot help myself
     your lack of understanding makes me more angry

You can't know what hell I have endured in your name from people who knew, but whom I would never believe, since all they ever wanted to do was hurt me too.  No matter what, you will never understand,  it isn't in the plan.

You will be dead and I will be old and that will be all there is to it.
I will still feel guilty for being angry over everything.  Every choice I made based on a fantasy of what I thought was true.

Who knew??

I know that things would have been different down the line a long time ago,
If I had just known, and you know it to, which is why you take what time you can get
from me.  Knowing that one card out of place will topple the whole house of ...