Sunday, June 30, 2013


This last Sunday of June has been a quiet one to be sure.  I wandered out of the house and took a stroll through the park, happy to see and hear all of the children playing in the playground with their parents, the boys playing basketball and the girls sitting on the bench watching.

The sky was threatening that rain that I have been waiting for, but I did not feel compelled to hurry, it was very humid, with less of a breeze to stir up the air.  I was leery of the impending rain, however I was not worried about it.

I did my shopping, and had a rather interesting conversation on the street, with two book suggestions.  I would have been at the library already but it is closed on Sunday.  Tomorrow is another day, and I am going by there as it turns out, so it will fit right in.

A little side note on Friday and taking time off from responsibilities....
 I totally forgot it was Friday although I did all of my Friday morning rituals and routines.  Somehow, it slipped my mind.  When I returned from my mountain adventure, my main concern was meatballs, not thought still that it was Friday...however, at 8:33 that evening I remembered ~ when my son asked me if I went to the pharmacy ~ too late to go to the pharmacy!!!

 Note to self...when playing hooky go over the checklist of the major things which cannot wait another day.  We survived, and the next morning when I phoned for the prescription and explained my dilemma, the girl filled them right away ~ I did not even have to wait the usual hour ~ but it took me longer than that to get ready for the day!

I am waiting for a chicken to finish roasting so that we can eat before our Sunday evening True Blood ritual.  This month has flown by and in the U.S. we are preparing for the Fourth of July to celebrate our Independence.

I am looking forward to the parade.  It is also a year since I gained my Independence so to speak, and when I learned to listen to that little voice in my head.  More about that another time however ~ my beeper is beeping and I am hungry!

Goodbye June ~ you sure went by quickly!  I hope that July takes its time a bit and last longer than June did!  I do look forward yet again to First Friday Artwalk this week as well ~ parade, fireworks and Art!!!  Great week ahead!

Friday, June 28, 2013


I put the housework aside, left the sauce simmering with orders for Thomas to stir the sauce and I left on an adventure, taking the advice of more than one of my readers.

I found myself once again on the mountain top, only, they had installed a new picnic table on a large rock in the middle of the field.  It did not look accessible from where we parked so we hiked up the hill, walked through the small path of greens and shrubs and a few flowers, sat down and enjoyed the view with a cloud which could be threatening overhead.

We opted for testing our luck even after a few sprinkles fell, but were hardly felt, so warm and strong was the sun.  Eventually the cloud won and we retreated down a path toward the car, which was not visible below.

Unsteadily we made our way down the narrow mountain path, short as it was, it was not the easiest to maneuver with the rain, the water, the rocks and the dirt quickly turning to mud.  However, when we got to the last 10 feet, it was a maneuver which required two hands and skill and the use of a tree to make it safely down the steep slope!

I went first.  My right shoe ~ which was on my lead foot ~ slipped out from under my foot giving me a slightly greater challenge than I would otherwise have had!  I gracefully landed on two feet giving myself at least a 9 considering the mud and the shoes, and I emptied my hands and took the jug of water from my friend, so that he could be less burdened as he descended the slope ~ much sloppier now that the rain was falling more steady!

Finally, all four of our feet were safely on the ground.  We were perhaps 20 feet from the car parked in the area with the birch trees from previous ventures I have written about on the mountain.  Now the field in front of the trees was covered with daisies and other such wild flowers with purple and white clover mixed in!!!

The rain, of course stopped before we made it the twenty feet to the car, we probably could have just sat it out at the picnic table.  No problem there.  I am a girl who cannot pass an abundant field of wildflowers without selfishly picking some.

Not being selfish or greedy, I made a small bouquet of the 5 flowers available.  I of course left the house with out my camera as I left it next to the computer when I downloaded the last flower pictures earlier today and it totally slipped my mind to grab it!!!!!

This is, of course before doing the meatballs.  I arrived home, with meatballs on my mind, noticing the sauce had not been stirred ~ which sort of surprised me, considering he had gotten away from the computer long enough to phone me while I was gone.

First thing is first, however, and that was getting the flowers out of the cup of water and into a proper vase.  I was thinking short but wider mouth, but of course I could not find one so I used my favourite purple vase my brother got me while he was out of the country one time.

Flowers done, I set to chopping and preheating and mixing and shaping and steeping a cup of tea after the mad rush of kitchen work.  During the previous 28 minutes I walked away from the computer, removed the 16 meatballs from the oven, put them in the sauce, put a new tea in the microwave,

I also grabbed the camera, realized the batteries died when it did not shut off as it normally does, replaced the dead batteries, took 12 flower pictures in the vase at various angles, download the pictures, previewed them, chose two, tried to figure out how to put them on my desktop and uploaded the one I could find into this blog and wrote two out of four of these paragraphs!!

I am enjoying the second tea as the meatballs are marinating in the sauce before I put on the water for spaghetti ~ and I also checked the mail!  I do love multitasking!  The rain was not significant enough for me to feel guilty about enjoying the afternoon away from home for a couple of hours!

Dinner will be a little later, but we eat when we are hungry or when the food is done ~ whichever comes first so no biggie really!  I had to write another blog, as you ladies were firm in your comments ~ which I read when I arrived back home and I would have you know made me smile even more than I was!  Thank you!


It's Friday!!!  It really seemed like the weekend has been going on all week!  My house has been full of friends and family randomly visiting and calling me on the phone keeping in touch.  I have been busy between all of the errands out of the house keeping up  with tasks I have let fall a bit behind, my motivation levels have been high with pain levels amazingly low with all of the activity!  I must have found a "balance".

I returned from my early Friday tasks and got right to work simmering a vegetable and meat marinara sauce, taking a bit of a break while that simmers to tackle the meatballs my son requested.  Kitchen is clean, laundry is finished ~ just a few small tasks (and mopping the floors) and everything will be ship shape.

I have been hoping for rain in order to motivate to mop the floors.  Ever since I set that precedence it has refused to rain ~ I have, however been keeping my promise to enjoy the sunshine while it is out so that I am not regretting the summer passing me by!

I have even been remembering to take my camera with me and using it ~ always a good thing!  I am so happy that we are getting rain this year ~ enough to make the flowers grow!  I have already seen black eyed susans which are my favourite flower ~ ready to pick when I am not feeling lazy on my next walk!

I took these today at my friend Mike's house!  The yellow ones were not out the other day, they and the red ones were just starting to bloom!
No exciting plans as of yet for the weekend.  You know me though ~ things just sort of happen spontaneously here!  Hope you all have a great weekend whatever you may be doing!

Thursday, June 27, 2013


It has been one crazy busy week full of unplanned fun, friends, meals and an awesome workshop thrown in to boot!  It feels like a month since I had a minute to sit down and recap it has been so non stop busy, but not in a frantic, stressed or rushed kind of way ~ more like ~ wow ~ is it really Thursday already??

I was thankful to not get caught in the rain at all this week and also to accomplish some much needed housework and was even able to flip the switch on my very high ceiling fan in the great room (with a spotter) standing on a table with a milk crate on it armed with a broom to flip that silly switch ~ oh what a difference proper air flow makes!

My avocado tree is growing in leaps and bounds ~ finally got it in a bigger pot with more room to grow those roots big and strong and it already has a hat of new leaves growing out the top of its stem.  I am amazed to have succeeded in NOT killing it!  Yeah!!!

I for one am in an awesome mood, having had a bit of company to cook for and converse with and hang out on the deck and catch the rays or the breeze depending on the day.  I made a huge omelet yesterday after my friend Mike and I did some errands hoping it would take away some of the lag I was feeling (it didn't help ~ but it tasted really good for the 4th omelet that I have ever made in my entire life!  (I am not a breakfast person ~ but sometimes you just need an omelet!

I have to be careful about overdoing it.  Especially in the summertime where we have a tendency to be more active, as too much exertion will throw my pain into higher levels and then I can't live my life ~ fearing I had overdone it the day before, there was nothing to do but listen to my body and give it a rest yesterday afternoon.

I had a workshop on E.F.T.  It is short for Emotional Freedom Technique.  Elizabeth Paris was a wonderful coach!
EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is a drug free therapy that helps with anxiety, weight loss, PTSD and much more. EFT is an evidence-based therapy that is being used by millions worldwide. EFT has been described as emotional acupressure, gently decreasing negatives emotions and allowing our amazing bodies to heal themselves. This gentle, yet powerful technique is turning heads. Don't miss out on your chance to experience EFT for yourself! 

Hosted by Margaret Lively, Holistic Wellness Coach & Founder.

What a great workshop!  I, along with 7 other women met last evening at Decades of Health ~ strangers for the first 5 minutes, but united in that room for the two hours we spent learning a new tool to relieve stress and "peel back the layers of  junk that accumulates by life in general!

I am not a "New Age" fanatic but I do believe in energy flow and balance and your body storing and holding on to toxic waste and blocking the flow of energy which is bad.  This technique uses a series of tapping and talking and it does reduce fears, physical pains.

Interestingly enough for me personally, as I was tapping a slight headache on the emotion anger which turned into a guilt over my bringing my dog to the pound instead of giving him a good, long, happy life as I promised him when I rescued him as a puppy 11 years ago to a deep sadness connected to many things, but ultimately went back to my early childhood and the dissolving of my early life with both of my natural parents.

It was very enlightening!  I cannot wait to practice this technique regularly to fully uncover my core self (which I have been working on for what seems like forever) but has only been the past thirteen years of my life!

I thank Margaret Lively for hosting the event!  It is funny, the day she posted the workshop, I had just read an article in a waiting room about E.F.T., which I had found extremely interesting.  When I came home and turned on the computer the event was listed and I was feeling compelled to attend, although it came at a bad time of the month and prior to my money.

I remember sending her a message and saying I really wanted to attend and doing something I never do and asking if I could pay her after the event, an hour later my son checked the mail and there was one piece ~ he said it's a check ~ I was like ~ no way, it is a bill...he opened it and it was a check!!!

If the universe was sending me a message for me it was "Here you go ~ you NEED to do this!"  I sent her a message back, feeling stupid at even having requested a favour in the first place, telling her to disregard the last message and sign me up for sure!

Sometimes, you don't just get what you get what you need!  It was funny, I did not even have the normal general anxiety I usually experience going into a new experience with strangers walking into Margaret's beautiful office with the Art still adorning the walls from the previous Art Walk....

I live near the Common and the drummers were in the park yesterday when I went through, drumming and dancing ~ not a care in the world in preparation of the parade.  People are out walking and socializing and generally in good moods.

Along with the drummers, I ran into my friend Cindy, whom I accompanied to the store and then she came over and hung out with Thomas and I while I made some awesome Chicken, onion and pepper wraps for a late dinner.

During our conversation it came up, that one of our new local business ( a women's clothing shop) on North Street was half empty ~ she did not believe me,  (it had only been there for a month maybe six weeks), I told her, at 4:00 there were two things in the window and the racks were empty ~ 11:30 at night we are heading up the four blocks to check it out...surprise ~ now it was even emptier ~ curiouser and curiouser... it will be interesting to see if they moved or just left ~ too bad too as they had some cool clothes and not too expensive either!

My friend Cindy and her husband have a huge aquarium in their living room with what seems like 100 fish in it ~ apparently their fancy guppies reproduce like mad.  This is a good thing for me, as we were thinking about starting an aquarium and now it will be a reality thanks to my friends!  I cannot wait!

All and all it has been an awesome week!  With the fourth of July coming up ~ the parade, the people and the parties it should be a great week to come as well!

Monday, June 24, 2013


I love the diversity of my life!  The people, the activities, the busy times and the quiet times.  Today, being Monday, I would usually be meeting with my doctor in the afternoon, yet, he is on vacation, which is a good thing considering I need to recover from the crazy (fun crazy) day which I had yesterday!

Many years ago, when I worked in a local church, and was much younger, I used to be a magnet for the all kinds of people, but especially to the down and out and people who have had it rough in life.  It was great fun in helping these people hook up with the resources which could help them, be it food or shelter information, who to talk to and where to go to get whatever help they needed.  It was so fulfilling to help those who really needed it.

Later on in life, when my children were young, our house was where all the children came and played games and had snacks and got some positive attention which they may have been lacking in their own lives from their own families.  I could relate to them, as I had a childhood where, although not unloved, I absorbed the positive love that close families shared with each other through my friends families.

These days, I am more comfortable with myself as a human being.  Being myself and doing things which I would not have done in my younger days, which I would have enjoyed, but the people I was around would have thought weird or abnormal ~ like going to plays and art shows for example.

I used to care too much about what other people thought about me, more so than I did about doing what I liked and not giving a fig about myself deep down inside.  I like the new me, who does what I like and am living for myself and not giving a damn about what anyone else thinks!

It is more fun this way!  Yesterday for example, I had accepted an invitation to see the play Muckrakers at the Barrington Stage.  Having volunteered last week, I saw "On the Town" which was a wonderful musical and had heard a bit about Muckrakers, but did not think there was much chance of seeing it.  I was delighted to accept the invitation.

I had never been in the recently renovated theatre.  It used to be the VFW, which, I think I have been in once over the course of my 40+ years.  Dressed for the matinee I gladly took my second row seat in the wonderful air conditioned theatre and enjoyed the 80 minute two person play immensely!

The fun was not over there, as we had plans to attend the Williamstown Theatre volunteer meeting as well after the play.  When I lived in Williamstown a few years ago, they were in the process of the major reconstruction of the theatre, so it was my first time there as well, having walked by it a million times over the course of my brief residency in this cool college town.

Driving from Pittsfield to Williamstown, we drove by my old house and of course I am disappointed that the new owners do not care for the lawn and grounds the way I did, with the grass in the very front yard ready to hay instead of cut.

I know it is not my place anymore, but hell, have some respect, it saddens me to see it that way, I took such pride in my yard and grounds, lovingly cutting the lawn regularly!  I am only glad that you cannot see the house from the main road so I could not tell if they are just not loving my old place the way I did or if it is slowly decaying!

So, we had a great volunteer meeting along with some amazing Thai food from a local restaurant on Spring Street in Williamstown ~ (the name slips my mind ~ however, I am sure there is probably only one Thai restaurant on the street, I do recommend the morsels of yummy goodness!)

After the meeting, we took a ride over to the Athletic Field, where I am told, they are going to remove the wooden bleachers and replace them with a new version (it is kind of funny, only one side is wooden, with a roof (home) and the other side is open bleachers (away) ~ kinda funny in a way!

My friend was searching for the Platform Tennis, which, after some inquiries we found behind the old elementary school, next to the tennis courts.  Not only did we find it, it was also unlocked with two paddles waiting for us!  My companion had a ball in his car...

I am dressed in a dress, for the theatre and next thing you know I am running around trying to volley the ball back 11 times...did I mention the last time I had a tennis racket in my hand was in the 1980's (I don't think a WII controller counts).

So we are running around trying to hit the ball back and forth.  Forget keeping it in the square, I was happy just to hit and return the ball over the net!  We made it through once ~ sort of and so the second volley should have been easier right?  Not so!  We gave it our all ~ switching sides to make it fair, and I think I may have broken or sprained my pinkie finger over the course of our very energetic and fun attempt!

The court is fenced in so you don't have to chase balls~ alas I scored the winning shot over the fence and we were done!  Fortunately whomever designed the area did not put dense shrubbery around, so on our way out, I  easily retrieved my ball.

The day was not over yet, our next stop was North Adams ~ Mass MOCA ~ where the Wilco Show was getting out.  I have never been to Mass MOCA personally ~ another day I am sure I will be checking out that gem!

I got a tour, not limited to a rock which took Meryl Streeps husband 20 years to find, cut in half and hang -suspended across the street of the entrance way.  I still don't know how they raised it - cables run through it and it is high enough to walk under.

We saw this tree as well, which they suspended upside down a couple of years ago I believe, with its roots on top, ( I think in a container with water feeding to it) whose branches do not grow down towards the ground, but have reversed direction reaching for the sun, as all smart branches do!  It is mind boggling!

It was great fun all and all.  As we were traveling back to Pittsfield ~ via route 8 this time ~ my phone rang, my son ~ making sure I remembered we had a date (Sunday night t.v.).  I told him, of course I didn't forget, and for him to wait ten minutes and make me a tea (lovely boy that he is had a very large tea waiting for me!)

He was waiting outside on the stoop when I arrived, and I was surprised with some Kielbasa as well, just in case I was hungry.  He is just so thoughtful like that!  Happy that I was home with 40 minutes to spare before our "date".

We have begun watching this show off of the Discovery Channel on the "Brain" so we checked out the second episode before our show and settled in to relax after my busy day.  I was happy to be home, with a tea and something to nibble on!

Life is good!

Friday, June 21, 2013


With Summer Solstice came summer temperatures.  Finally!  I am so excited, yet drained by the heaviness of the air after a very long and busy day as I write this blog.

Yesterday was Third Thursday, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself as I had no doubt that I would with the wonderful music on three different stages and also random acts in the street as well.  I got my fill of Blues, Jazz and Percussion and a bit of Dixieland as well.  To be sure my feet were very sore after walking between performances and back again.

As usual I ran into so many people.  Some I almost half expected to see, along with some major surprises, including, but not limited to the man who inspired me to write this blog after reading his blog.  He gave me the most genuine feedback, which was most refreshing, reassuring and needed!

I felt so invigorated after speaking with Richard, for a solid 20 minutes, and even picked up a book he recommended that I read, as he told me I have horrible taste in books, which, considering I got sucked into a 1300 page period drama which put me off of reading a bit, I was thankful to begin a book by Kurt Vonnegut, whom, I am surprised to say I have never read before, but I am finding really refreshing and fun.

I took a very long last look at the works of Michael Rousseau and his Salon Style show at the Y Bar.  I was amazed, after speaking with Mr. Rousseau, that the show was four years worth of work.  I still can't pick a style of his work which I like more.

There are so many amazing qualities to the paintings, and they do vary greatly between his pieces, between the lights, shadows, vibrancy and subject matter.  They come to life from every angle and the more I look, the more details come to life.  I look forward to seeing what comes next for this talented young artist!

Due to the bad weather during the First Friday Artwalk, Diane did a Redux of her show she curated at the Litchtenstein, which I also went to look at closer.  She did a wonderful job, the placement of the pictures were great!  One of the most amazing paintings was headed for the Springfield Museum!!

It was quiet there and she told me of Sheyna, (her rescue terrier poodle), they had gone to the country that day and visited her friend who has horses and Sheyna had a great time running around and trying to get the horses to play with her!  I can picture her now having the time of her life, not intimidated by horses much greater than she, who could crush her in one step!!!

Back in the mid 90's I used to go with my friend Sharon and hear this band Ruby, and last night I happened upon three out of the seven members.  The percussionist (I am a freak for drums!!) was playing and it has been 15 years at least since they haven't been together...I think it is time for a Ruby Reunion myself, now I just need to convince the band!

I happened to be walking home after the festivities when my across the street neighbor happened upon me, she accompanied me to the store and we walked home together.  It was awesome to have the chance to get to know her.  I am a person that waves and says hello regardless of if I know you or not, especially my neighbors, after all, it is only neighborly.   I look forward to future conversations and as she lives across the street I am sure we will have them.

Scott Taylor is also doing a repeat of his show "Crossroads" this evening and tomorrow during the day.  I am  so drained I haven't got the energy to walk the four blocks, but I will be dropping in tomorrow rain or shine to view and read from the beginning to the end this time instead of the other way around!!!  Scott has also gone out of his comfort zone and is showing a new side of his creative side.  Which is not a bad thing to say the very least!

I also have the opportunity to go see the Arthur Holmes Blues Band this evening at the PNA ~ never been there, but AHBB rocks the house every time!!!  (Sadly I missed them last night after Third Thursday and a couple of times before) ~ so if I can jump start some energy in the next 40 minutes I may be headed out to dance, however, that seems slightly more like work than it should, and my t.v. and fan may win out in the long run!

Thursday, June 20, 2013


I intended to write yesterday.  As I was finishing up my morning brain wake up games and drinking my tea, after dealing with the cable company and paying them off totally for a change (first time in a year I have had a 0 balance (for two weeks anyway)!  I switched over to get my writing on and boom, lost power!

I phoned the emergency number for WMECO, to get a recording telling me it would be 1 to 3 hours.  I tried to focus on non electricity matters, but sweeping did not appeal to me, I could not concentrate on soaking up the rays and reading so I got my Brooklyn Lantern and hung it on the mirror in the bathroom, praying to have enough hot water in the tank to at least get clean after the pajama day the day before in the dim light in my windowless bathroom.

I got lucky and even got to wash my hair before the water ran out.  I got dressed and headed out the door to  do a bit of shopping and see what the rest of the outside world was up to.  Fortunately, the outage did not close down the neighborhood convenience store, so after a quick stop there I headed to my other three stops.

Along the way, I ran into one of my summertime Lanesboro friends from my childhood, who offered to walk down the supermarket with me and keep me company.  An offer I readily agreed to.  He works there and had to check on something, and I was grateful to have someone to walk and talk with.

My friend remembers when I was younger and my children were little and they used to burp and talk.  A talent I used to have as well, and one, in which every time I see this person, he insists I try, knowing in his mind that I can still do something I could do 25 years ago, like no time had passed.  I am not sure if my grown children still have this talent, but I did make myself burp, although the talking part was out of the question !

My friend assured me that I just needed to take in more air, and I laughed and promised him I would try in the privacy of my house to practice to say "Hi Joe", next time I saw him!  My friend is a bit childlike, although we are the same age, and amazingly after dying on the operating table and being revived, he seems different, almost more like the rest of us as far as not lagging a bit behind. (Although, not in the case of the burp talking!)

The newly placed "Popcorn Wagon" which was recently moved from it's usual corner on Park Square happened to be opened and ready for business when we came back up to North Street, so I purchased some fresh popcorn and treated him to a soda for keeping me company and being a good sport and we parted company at the park where we ran into each other, him to people walk and me to unload my loot.

I figured this power outage was payback for me not even getting out of my jammies the day before ~ the universe giving me a boot in the behind with no power and a beautiful sunny day.  I had run into my good friend Mike during my excursion as well, as he was doing his delivery job and we made plans to get together after our "work".

I had been home about ten minutes, my son had just woken up and we were in the living room talking when I thought I heard the beep of the microwave coming on, when I went into the kitchen, however, I thought I had been mistaken and hearing things when it flickered back on and this time remained so!

I had stopped and grabbed some half and half for tea in hopes of just such an occurrence on my way home, so I danced a little jig as I made tea!  The cell phone rang with the electric company telling me my power should be back on, if it wasn't then I was told to phone the electric company.  I was operational so no call necessary.

My phone rang again and it was Mike making sure I was home, telling me he had something for me.  You never know with Mike, it could be anything from ice cream which he loves, to music, so I was intrigued as I waited for his arrival.

I should have guess it though ~ it was Chinese food to share and he forced me to eat some shrimp with broccoli and rice and won ton soup.  It was a nice surprise and gave me a hankering to try that won ton recipe with the homemade won ton wraps and the crab Rangoon's which you all thought I forgot about (my son keeps eating the cream cheese before I get to use what I need)!

We had a nice visit and hung out in the sunshine in my backyard for a bit before he had to go home and plant some pumpkin seeds.  My son called as well and was going to come over after work, so it appeared to be a pleasant social day shaping up.

My friend John also showed up, a bit earlier than my son did, with a LARGE pizza in hand, so not only was it a social day, it was also a food day as well!  Since my son who lives with me polished off three quarters of a large pizza by himself, I decided that it was not the night to prepare the elaborate meal I had planned and cooked a couple of hot dogs for dinner instead later in the evening.

Everyone left, and I finally had time to get on the computer.  By that time, I read that James Gandolfini  (RIP) had died in Italy so my good thoughts and plans of writing got kicked to the curb, as I was not in the mood at all, my mind had turned a corner on itself!  (Right brain/left brain battle!)

Knowing I had to be up early today, I retired early and was asleep before 10 p.m.  Waking up once, at 3:00 a.m., when I heard my son going to bed.  So much for him getting up early today!  I probably will have to fight to get him out of bed in order to make it to the lab for his weekly blood work, something I am not looking forward to at all!

It being Third Thursday, I am happy.  It is one of the two things which I look forward to that our community has been doing now for a few years, which I have been enjoying now for two myself.  This one is baseball themed to support/promote our local baseball team.

I am looking forward as well to the live music (at least two great blues bands will be playing), and checking out more thouroughly the show at the Lichtenstein Center for the Arts, which my friend curated last week which had a poor turnout due to the rainy weather, and seeing Michael Rousseau's show for the final viewing (for the third time I think now).

Looks to be a great day with no rain in the forecast this time, which always makes outdoor evening events more enjoyable.  I passed up an opportunity Tuesday evening to go Stand Up Paddle Boarding the other night partially because I had plans, but also as the rain had cooled the air down a bit much for me to be falling into a lake and freezing to death learning how to do it, although, I do plan on trying it on a better day!

So life is good, but I really did struggle with no electricity the other day.  One realizes, but doesn't fully grasp how important electricity is.  I think that for civilization, if the day does come when we no longer, for whatever reasons, have no access to electricity, it is going to be bat shit crazy out there due to our dependency on all of our technology which for the most part requires it!

I hope that I for one am not on the planet when that occurs!  I made the best of it for the four hours electricity free, but I think any longer and without the option to leave the house, I would not have fared so well!

Tuesday, June 18, 2013


Today did not turn out how I planned at all.  Not a bad thing, in this instance, considering I really had nothing to motivate me after yesterday's adventures of over shopping, and then having to carry everything home from the supermarket intact.

I say intact, because, besides just grabbing the hot dogs and rolls like I planned, and spotting the 3lb bag of Vidalia Onions (which I can never resist) , needing green peppers to go along with the onions, then of course what is onions and peppers without some red meat, and there were two nice steaks sitting there calling out my name.  (We never get red meat anymore so it is a real treat).

Then, they had mini roses on sale, buy one get one free, a tease in itself for me when I have some money in my pocket, they had a purple one so I could hardly resist.  Knowing that all four of my mini rose plants are dried out twigs on my back porch which nothing can resurrect, I gave in.

Of course, I did not bring a backpack, as I would if I was planning on more than one or two things, so I carefully packed everything I could around the rose plants in my bag and proceed to walk home.  The sunshine of the day, yesterday afternoon, faded into a big dark cloud, although it was still very warm.

I made it pretty far before I spotted a bench almost a third of the way home.  The two store bags, and my bag with the roses packed were pretty heavy so I stopped for a rest, to repack and munch on some grapes for some energy.  I finally made it home, my arms were dead and my roses survived ~ for now.  Hopefully I am joking.

Today was very low key.  In fact, the only thing that I planned to do out of the house was to go to the Word X Word at the Y Bar around 8:00, and I was preparing dinner, and had it in the oven when my middle son phoned to come over and decided to stay for dinner.

Surprise!!  Not worried, as it was Shepherd's Pie night, (I always make two because my son loves it so much), the only thing I worried about was whether or not he would like it, guess what, I could have slapped him over the head for liking it.  Surprise ~ another meal that as children "no way ~ we won't eat that" to "Why wouldn't we have liked this, this is great, we mix our food up anyway"!

You have to love the element of surprise with children.  I say children, although they are quite grown up.  I love to see their evolutions.  They never cease to amaze me, and give me the courage to continue to evolve as well.

I for one, with the ups and downs, the motivation, lack of motivation, the times when I want to give up, quit and regress am so glad that the universe throws something in my face to kind of shake me out of it and show me the way forward.  It is taking time, but I see progress.  If I can recognize it and acknowledge progress in myself, it is all good ~ it means for once I am not focusing on the negative which is a huge step!

I still do not know what I "want to be when I grow up", but I see a bit clearer where I don't want to be and am figuring out the steps that I need to make my life work better for me.  Life is too short not to live it the way you want to, and to find some peace and happiness.  I welcome surprises, and recognize they come in all shapes and forms.

Monday, June 17, 2013


This weekend has been one heck of a weekend!  I can honestly say that I had the most fun that a person can have with their clothes on beginning on Friday where my adventure began at the Berkshire Museum with the Paper Sculpture display.  You could not begin to imagine all of the incredible things which can be done with paper, from the smallest and most intricate delicate details, to a boat made completely out of paper and shellac which was functional as well.  I braved the sushi and even opted for some with fish in it as opposed to just the vegetable ones stepping out of my comfort zone a bit!

From the Museum and it's great turnout of a wonderful show, we headed to Lenox for the car show.  Whiskey City was on stage performing their Country Rock tunes and the street was shut off and there were many amazing cars, along with my new favourite Jaguar X from the 1930's which, idiot that I am, did not take any pictures of, as a matter of fact the only pictures I took that night were of a huge thundercloud which threatened upon the evening, but which thankfully waited til we were safely under Sonya's porch covering when it hit!

Wonderful new acquaintances were made, great conversations over a glass of wine and an adventure was planned for the next day...

Saturday arrived, after sleeping like I haven't slept in quite some time, I stopped by the Downtown Farmer's Market and chatted with a few friends before heading over to the Athenaeum to meet my ride for our day of exploration.

Three of us went off to sleuth a report of an energy field at a local resort where guests and staff do not want to walk through a particular area, as they picked up a "negative" energy.  One out of three of us had prior experiences with negative energy, and I was along for the ride.  However, at a certain place our sensitive person felt something, and I must admit that I as well felt a little funny pressure in my head in two areas.  A phone call to the source of the information confirmed that we had been in the correct area to pick up said energy, so I was pleasantly amazed that I am somewhat sensitive to that sort of thing.

Our party split, and it was time once again to explore.  Our travels took us through Stockbridge where we stopped on what looked like a causeway in the middle of a lake, but what was in fact the golf course.  The rain of the past few days/weeks; had totally flooded the area on both sides of the road.  We got out and explored, walking up the river to see it more swollen and fast than I recall ever seeing it in my life.

On our way back to the car, we spotted a snapping turtle who swam away from the noises we were making in complete amazement over spotting this creature swimming gracefully in the clear water either lost or enjoying the slower paces of the current.

Our journey was not over then, we headed to South Lee to a wonderful church which has been converted into an art Gallery.  The curator was very nice and I was happily surprised to find a display by Scott Taylor (one of my favorites) along with a few other artists whose works I easily recognized, along with a few new ones to add to the memory banks for future reference!  My friend submitted a couple of pieces to the gallery and we were off.

We took a ride up to Oak and Spruce because we were there and then headed over to Cranwell Resort for a bite to eat at Sloanes.  The wild boar burger and Oriental Salad was delicious after a day of exploring the wonders of the Berkshires, the staff was friendly and the service was great!

My day was far from over, as I was scheduled to volunteer in the Lounge at the Barrington Stage for the production of  "On The Town".  What an amazingly energetic and fun musical!  The singing, dancing and comedy were in fine balance and the house was packed!  I was a bit nervous before I arrived, as it had been  over a year since I had worked in the lounge, but the wonderful staff was awesome and the intermission was a breeze!

I walked home after the play feeling like I had a complete day.  My head hit the pillow and I was out like a light again!  When the phone rang Sunday morning for our third adventure, I had just woken up (later and more rested than usual, I might add!)  More fun was planned for the day a couple of hours later, which gave me time to enjoy my morning before heading out again with this fun crew of people!

First stop Sunday was at the Pittsfield Country Club to speak with the gold pro.  One of my friends had discovered via metal detecting, a Caddy Pin of a A caddy, and he was trying to gather the year(s) this pin may have been from.  Of course, the oldest member had just left, but the pro took a picture of it in order to try to help out in our quest.

We picked up our other party to our group, switched cars and headed to Great Barrington to check out the beautiful River Walk that was put in.  It was very nice and tranquil along the path, with the very fast and swollen river to our left.  You could tell the water was trying to recede and had dropped a foot and a half with probably six feet left to go before it returns to normal.

Walking back to the car, we conversed with a wonderfully friendly woman who was gardening about some local development across the street in one of the schools and since we were on Main Street and I had not been in Great Barrington in 15 years or more, I was brought into one of the best Candy/Ice Cream Stores, which had just about everything under the sun and then some!!!  I do not know how I had the willpower to not walk out of there with bags of goodies!

For our next leg of our journey, we were off to hike to a place where there are usually a bunch of young adventurers rock climbing these huge and beastly rocks.  We were the only ones who braved the muddy and partially flooded trails.  The rocks were very large and I was not the person to scale them, but I did find one which I was able to launch myself  onto with the help of a sturdy tree growing beside it!

It was getting later, so we headed back to Main Street Great Barrington to fuel up on some delicious burgers and salad at the Diner.  Lunch was amazing, but nothing topped the Triple Layer Chocolate Stout Cake which was so big and rich that the three of us could not even finish!

One of our group got called in to do a massage at  a local spa so we took a brief ride before heading back to Lenox where our party broke up and we headed back home.  After catching up with my youngest son for a few minutes and making plans with my middle son to come over an hour or so later, I had a minute to have a cup of tea and reflect on my weekend, which was truly amazing!

Friday, June 14, 2013


Happy Friday everyone!  The skies have cleared up and the sun is shining.  My maintenance guy is cutting the grass and my chairs are drying on the deck waiting for me to come outside and enjoy the sunshine before  it once again gone!  Even the squirrel was on the deck walking the rail, I could not tell if it was the one from last year or not.  I promised I would be out in the sunshine whenever possible since it is such an infrequent occurrence, a promise which I intend to keep!

I blew off my usual Friday morning hour wait in line, as I am good for food at the moment, although I will miss seeing the lake with the sunshine on it and the wonderful conversations and the news of the week.  It is all good, however, I will get my deck time in and read some fun material and work on my tan instead before I head out and do my errands away from the house.

I am all ready to begin working on my final New Years Resolution, which I left the most important and most difficult for last with three books to read, some legal forms to order, along with credit reports and I am off to try to salvage what I can of the disastrous effects of the recession and the bait and switch with my mortgage which precipitated the downfall of my credit and my quality of life.

You don't realize when the unexpected happens what the right thing to do was.  In hindsight, I would say, due to the results of my choices, that I would have maintained the credit card accounts instead of trying to pay all of my money to a mortgage for a house that I could not save.   That way I would have just lost my house and not my A++ credit which took me so long to establish as a single parent of three sons!

In this "new world" where money talks and only 1 % have it, with the middle class being poor and the poor being what????  Not thought of ~ screwed in reality.  Believe me, I raised three sons with basic needs and a tight budget easier than I live these days with a roommate and a tight budget.  I can only hope it is not too late to do any good.

In any case, I am sure life will improve once I get through this final hurdle.  I feel confident that I am up for the task more now than ever.  One step at a time.  The only way to make the change is to create the change and I have thought long and hard over what to do to see the light at the end of the tunnel ~ or at least be able to answer my house phone once again!

On a more positive note, (although for me the above is a positive step in the right direction), this afternoon I am attending an opening reception at the Berkshire Museum for "Paperworks :  The Art and Science of an Extraordinary Material" and then off to Lenox for a mystery event!  

Wednesday, June 12, 2013


Yesterday was a day of firsts for me.  First, I was a half hour early with my son for his appointment at the doctors ~ unheard of in the history of my life!  It was not the greatest thing in the world, however, since the doctor was 45 minutes behind and it made our wait very long!

I had a luncheon with a friend, something we have not done in quite a while.  Of course, it had gotten postponed from Sunday, and the meal that I was going to make had to be tossed as the fish had turned a little off.

Not one to be put out by such a small obstacle, I was going to make a Shepherd's Pie for lunch since I had the burger out and massive quantities of potatoes in the house, yet, the excess time at the doctor's office put a whammy on that as well, so I went for Jen's Famous Burgers and homemade french fries.

With 20 minutes before company arrives, Thomas and I set off chopping onions, garlic and mixing the burger, preparing the potatoes and cleaning up the kitchen ~ rather, I cleaned and delegated and ran around getting everything in order before our guest arrived.

Lunch was good, along with the company and the conversation.  Of course the weather was uncooperative, so I accepted a ride to do some errands and due to the fact that I was flying by the seat of my pants and did not prepare dessert, I decided that ice cream would be in order while we were out.

Limited freezer space made the choice really easy ~ settling on a Friendly's Ice Cream Roll ~ something I feel three people could in reality polish off at one setting, or at least enough to wrap the remainder to squeeze in somewhere in the limited freezer space.  The guys were not up for the task however, although, I must admit, I ate my two pieces no problem!

My son and I afterwards spent our afternoon side by side on our computers, conversing and laughing about the fun of the day.  Me, trying to persuade him to come with me to the Y Bar later, to check out the artwork, which I knew he would appreciate, and him declining the invitation.

I was determined not to be deterred by the rainy weather.  By the time I left the first time around 6 o'clock, I had a few raindrops falling, but not horrific downpouring.  I arrived to find that I was too early again ~ twice in one day ~ totally unheard of!

I phoned my friend Diane, the one person I knew who would certainly know when the Y Bar was open, correctly so, and found that it would be more than an hour before they opened, and that she was heading up at a little before 8 in order to attend a Word X Word reading.

I decided to hit the pharmacy and get some supplies and headed home for a large cup of tea to kill  my hour before I departed again.  Still full from dinner myself, and I am sure, all that ice cream, I told my son he could cook while I was gone, or wait for me, as he was still full himself.

I was touched when my great-grandmother's cousin (?) whom I recently became acquainted with offered me a ride so I would not get wet, but with only a 30 % chance of rain, I declined the ride.  What made the offer so very nice was that she was not even going, she just offering to prevent me from possibly getting wet again, which was a wonderful act of kindness which really warmed my heart!

I headed out at the appropriate time, arriving before 8 and headed into the gallery.  I did not see my friend yet and the place was filling up, so I headed outside to have a quick cigarette.  Horrible habit, but addictions are addictions, and very hard to break for sure!

I spotted my friend inside, looking at me disapprovingly for smoking, so I snubbed my butt and headed inside.  After introductions around the crowded table, I settled into a chair which I was lucky to have and proceeded to have one of the best times in recent history!

The "story-tellers" had 4 minutes to tell a tale about mistaken identity.  There were three judges who scored each story teller, with cheers and boos all around depending on whether the crowd agreed with the scoring!  It was so much fun to be involved, although not a storyteller myself!  It takes a lot of courage to get up there I am sure!  No two stories were alike, most made you laugh, and everyone had so much fun!

My son phoned me three times during this, wondering where I was and on the third call told me he was making dinner, which was fine ~ except I had to turn my phone down to vibrate.  I was quite unaware at how much time had passed, and he met me in the park on my way home to walk with me.

After I check some things on the computer, it was 11:00, so we went up to watch some t.v. and chill before bed.  The day that I thought could not get any better did, when I put on the t.v. and "His Girl Friday" was on with Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell ~ a great comedic team to be sure, and one of my favorites!

We watched the whole thing together, but it wasn't long after it was over that I physically needed to crash.  The only obligation I had was getting the garbage out in the morning so I set an alarm and slept very well after such a fun filled day!

Who knew that a Tuesday could be so much fun!  I look forward to penciling in Tuesdays at the Y Bar for more Word X Word fun in the future!  What a great crowd, crew and time!

Monday, June 10, 2013


Soaked again!  I am going to rename this the "Soggy Summer"!  I thought rain in December was bad!  This rain, while we need it so badly in so many areas is getting a bit ridiculous!  I am so glad that I don't own my house still because I would be on my third week of sleepless nights monitoring sump pumps!  It is crazy to see so little of the sun and warm weather.  I personally will take a heat wave over constant rain any day!  Hell ~ I would prefer snow to rain any day for that matter!

I am happy that this spring, however, the flowers are budding and opening, the grass is growing and we don't seem to be headed for that dried out flowerless summer like we had last year!  It just sucks that I have to walk everywhere in the rain ~ today having two appointments out of the house and barely having time between the two to dry off and warm up before heading out.

I am happy that I do not have anything else to do out of the house today.  I can focus on putting potatoes in the soup for dinner and enjoying the last one or two meals of chicken soup remaining.  I am so glad I made that soup the other day!

I am grateful, also to live in the mountains and not on the coast.  Today, I put on the weather channel to see what to expect, of course the heavy green rain area was to be covering my city at the time that we had to leave this morning, true to it's word, we walk out the door and these huge drops start coming down.

I was surprised to see Huntington, N.Y. underwater.  Kind of like Venice, Italy, with sea levels rising more and more, now having 100 days a year of flooding and makeshift raised sidewalks and a lot of closed stores with 6 or more inches of water inside.   I guess this is what we will have to get used to in the coming years due to Global Warming.

I for one am getting outside whenever the sun is out in the future, since it seems like it is only an occasional visitor this year!  What a bummer!  I thought we were going to be in for  delicious, roasting weather as in the previous three summers, I do wish mother nature would realize what season we are in over here in the U.S.A.!!!

Wherever you are reading from, I do wish you the best of luck coping with this unpredictable weather!  It is interesting, but I am old school and like my seasons as they are supposed to be, and right now it should be warmer and sunnier!

That is it from me today!  Rant session on the weather over...for now!

Have a great day everyone!

Saturday, June 8, 2013


I had a really busy and wet day yesterday, standing in the moderate downpour first thing in the morning waiting for the doors to open in Lanesboro chatting it up with the Veterans as we waited, enjoying the conversation and listening to the views on today's world and all the controversy with the phone taps and DNA swabbing and how are freedoms are being taken away as we sit back and let it happen ~ very eye opening!

I dried out and warmed up when I returned, did some things around the house, baked a chicken to restock the soup from the other day ~ and because I was starving as well!  I could hardly contain myself, smelling the delicious bird baking in the oven!

Friday is pharmacy day as well, so after the chicken was cooked and my tummy satisfied with a couple of quick sandwiches I tried to find a lull in the weather ~ which was not cooperative at all to make my way upstreet to get my errands done as quickly as possible as there is no putting off til tomorrow what must get done today!

Needless to say, I was wet through and through, with a slight chill when I returned home, peeled off the wet clothes and made the fatal error of getting into comfy p.j.'s even though it was early afternoon.  I set to work on restocking the soup when my son talked me into some "family time".

We checked out a couple of episodes of Bill Maher's  new show "Vice" ~ which he is not on, but he did produce.  What a shocker the first and second episodes were!  If you have not watched it, you should!  How very scary and dangerous these interviews were to get!  Hats off to the great effort and quality of the first two episodes!

My  middle son phoned and joined us for a visit, along with one of my oldest friends, and I received a phone call with an invitation to the movies later in the evening.  I still had to finish the soup ~ having omitted the potatoes for the pasta the first night, and wanting to do potatoes this time ~ and make it to ArtWalk for the opening of a couple of shows before it ended at 8:00 p.m. (an hour longer ~ as I thought it ended at 7:00!)

With the rain still falling, and no relief in sight, and unexpected company to boot (which I always welcome), I was not stressed!  The company left, the potatoes got sidetracked, and I decided I could wait til after the Art Shows before myself and Thomas would eat dinner, I prepared to leave ~ telling Tom he could eat without me if he wanted, knowing he would wait for me.

With an hour left before the end, I raced out my door and tried to manage not to get totally soaked as I headed to the Lichtenstein Center for the Arts where there was a wonderful show curated by Diane Firtell which had some amazing pieces of art by many different artists.  Kudos to Diane for her amazing curation!

Pressed for time and having at least 4 other places to go, I bounded across the street to the Dunham Mall to check out some amazing and colorful works by another artist Kerry Stone, whose exhibit "Searching for Harmony" left me in totally harmony despite the rain!

I headed over to Crawford Square and did a quick walk through, noting the wonderful watercolors by Nancy Freedman "Becket, Berkshires and Beyond", amazing to say the least!  Tough to say if Mr. Webber's paintings or Ms. Freedman's art was liked more ~ it was close!

I was worried that I would run out of time before I got see all that I wanted to see, but I headed to Steven Valenti's Clothing for Men and checked out a series of photographs from Cuba by Elaine Radiss which were quite colorful and lovely as well.

I resisted the urge to stop in a couple of more places along the way, really anticipating Scott Taylor's new series at the NU Arts Studio's and Gallery.  Scott being one of my favorite artists with his amazingly colorful and bold paintings.  He had changed it up with his "Crossroads" Show and I must say that I was not disappointed in either the style or the descriptions which were so in depth and personal giving a deeper look into the man behind the art ~ way to go Scott!  (Even though I started at the end and finished at the beginning it was really deep!

I headed down the back stairs and entered the amazing world of  "Summer Birches" by Tracy Levesque.  I must say her paintings were very much in a style which I love, the texture, color and subject matter all definitely on time!

My last, but not least, stop as it neared the witching hour of Eight O'Clock was Michael Rousseau's "Salon Style" at the Y Bar.  I had not realized that the show was on until midnight with music following the show until after I returned home, and was half tempted to go back just to look at these amazing paintings.

I am the hugest fan of Renaissance Art, Michelangelo being my first favorite Renaissance artist, until I took Art History in the 1980's and realized, it is not just the artist, it was the whole period of art which I enjoyed, from the architecture, the paintings and the sculptures.

Walking into that show looking upon these "Masterpieces", because I truly do believe we are seeing a great artist here in the form of Michael Rousseau, I was blown away and could have gazed upon these painting for hours ~ days even!  A wonderful mixture of classic style with modern subject matter blended in I do believe this young man has a lot to look forward to in his coming days with work like that!  I look forward to seeing more of this charming, charismatic and talented young man!

I left in a hurry, and like I said, am now kicking myself that I did not stay longer, running into Dion Robbin Zust and his Mom ,Jeanne ~ of the famous Robbin~Zust Marionettes and we had a hug and a smile and brief  conversation regarding who they definitely should check out while there was still time remaining.  Always a pleasure to see the Robbin~Zust clan however briefly!

I caught the last four pieces of Ian Grey's photos of his Florida Mountain Hummingbirds as he was packing up his show and tried and failed to get into the gallery at the bus station, meeting the attendant at the door as they were locking up.

I arrived home, still  not in the mood to peel potatoes and had some chicken veggie soup with pasta, thought about all of the amazing art I was so privileged to see that evening and could not have stayed awake during a movie, let alone writing a blog, so I headed to bed.

I have been invited to a writer's workshop this afternoon at the Berkshire Athenaeum and really do need to visit my friends for the Downtown Pittsfield Farmer's Market which my friends at Alchemy Initiative are running along with Downtown Pittsfield and show some support (which has been difficult considering all the rain that seems to plague us these days!)

The clock is ticking and I will be running late before I know it despite my efforts to be on time!  Hope you enjoyed my review and if you get the opportunity to see any of these artists shows I promise you ~ you will not be disappointed!

Thursday, June 6, 2013


Today, when I went to the food pantry on Thursday instead of the usual Wednesday, it was really slow and set up differently than it usually is.  Being so quiet there, and due to the fact that there was a huge box of red, yellow, and orange peppers, I said to the man that he should really tell people those are hot peppers.

I had,  previous to this week had obtained some of the offending peppers and we have been outdoing the other making dishes to out spice each other.  The man dug out an opened bag of the assorted peppers and showed me and everyone else that they were sweet peppers.

This evening, of course, I decided to put them to the test, chopping an orange, a yellow and a red pepper and sauteed them with some onions and cut up some pork medallions  and some garlic as well as some soy sauce and made some rice to put under the concoction.  Lo and behold ~ it was so deliciously hot my mouth is still on fire forty minutes later as I am writing this blog!

Wednesday, June 5, 2013


I got to enjoy a very stress free day today, which after yesterday was most necessary.  I did notice that I again, for the third night in a row being awake at the unhappy hour of 3:30, so perhaps it was not stress which prevented me from sleeping.

I had a cig, read a little, turned on the t.v. for background and fell asleep when it was just getting light out again!  Fortunately for me I woke up just in time for the garbage men to pick up my garbage.  Silently thankful that the visit I was hoping my friend Lisa would surprise me at 9:00 that she teased me about did not happen, as I was not really awake as I had planned.   Alas, it was not in the cards for the day.  I puttered around all day instead alternating from computer to book, and finally got in the shower after noon when my tobacco ran out and it was necessary to get motivated for my out of the house errands.

It was nice out but the only excitement was two unmarked State Police and a marked S.P. Cruiser and one of Pittsfields finest going through the car of someone they had pulled over.  Otherwise, the park was empty of children and people walking dogs.  The city was almost deserted!

I flew through my errands as quickly as my legs could walk, doing a loop with the furthest destination first and down and around and back again through the park.  We were down to two cruisers, the unmarked State Police off on another mission fighting crime and keeping our city safe.

When I arrived home my son talked me into a movie, an old black and white which I love and which I have been trying to get my children to appreciate with a good portion of success.  I do not know what it is about old black and white movies from the late 30's early 40's which I find so appealing.

I think it is the simplicity, the style the pace which I find so appealing.  Simpler times, humor and mannerisms I think, along with the elegant clothing as well.  There is something appealing about men in suits and women in hats and gloves.

While we were watching the movie, I had the chicken stock from yesterday heating up so that I could fill it with chicken, carrots and green beans.  I opted for ditalini on the side in place of the potatoes since my middle son was not around.  After a while the kitchen was clean and the soup was ready to be enjoyed.

It was good and just what the doctor ordered.  Nothing like a nice homemade soup on a somewhat cool day after a couple of days of stress.  A meal in a bowl for sure leaning more towards a vegetable soup with some chicken in it.  Delicious!

Now that dinner is done, everything is put away I am ready to go tackle some more of this dense book I am trying to power through with limited success.  Early morning tomorrow and a busy day to boot.  I am off for now!

Tuesday, June 4, 2013


I just saw a post from one of my cousins where she was describing waiting in an airport and a woman asked her if she was so and so, she heard her speak at a meeting the other day~ my cousin took this as a sign that she was where she was supposed to be.

I too am working on being where I should be.  I have been blessed with having felt I was where I should be a few times in my life, thankfully, but not so much over the past few years.  I am also a believer that you cannot move forward until you resolve past issues which have been holding you back, which, since my past slapped me in the face a couple years ago, and I misinterpreted the "signs" it was where I was supposed to be in order to do the latter.

Due to circumstances almost a year ago, I was forced to face reality and accept one huge fact that was standing in the way of me and living a truly authentic life because you cannot live a healthy life based on a bunch of lies, living in a reality where what you see and live does not match up with what you believe.  The heart is a funny thing though, and being a believer in LOVE, it took a lot for me to accept one great reality which was holding me back and keeping me from love.

It has been a long 11 months re~examining a relationship that has spanned more than half of my life, looking at it without the rose coloured glasses on, and accepting the facts, only the facts, based on words, deeds and actions and getting a clear understanding of the reality as I now know it to be.

It began last year, when my ex-husband decided to end our relationship for the 100th time in 28 years with a hiatus of 17 years in between where I fled and looked over my shoulder anytime I left my house in fear of him and his hatred which I bring out in him.

My biggest fear when I had to move back to my hometown was that he would be messing with me bad as always, or good either way, I was not into any of it!   He held a very special place in my heart, has a certain power of me in a way, even when we were not together and I always will love him in a way, but I will never again be foolish enough to believe or trust him ever again.

We had no real relationship, looking back, other than a really good sexual one, but he led another life, which was none of my business and I was not allowed to do anymore than work and take care of the house and kids.  We lived together when it suited him, and I would frequently come home to find my key on the counter with no explanations, just a key!

He did not participate in a life with me and the children and he did not contribute.  He is a taker and a user in every sense of the word.  I realize now, that the drama which I so loved to avoid, was what he lives and breaths for.  I hate drama, chaos, confusion and conflict.

I can tell you I lived quite happily without it and without him, but deep down I was under the illusion that we were meant to be together and it was not his fault~ I believed it was the fault of his children's mother, which I was supposed to believe.  With the passing of time I do not believe that anymore.

I would not trade my time and experiences good or bad with this man for anything.  I know that for a minute he did love me that way that love is supposed to be ~ for a minute.  I am thankful that I am living in reality now however.  It has taken a very long time to accept and grieve this relationship.

I thought I would be getting my final closure today, going to court on the violation of the restraining order which I had against him on the day that I was renewing the temporary restraining order, which he violated in the courthouse last July.  They arrested him and he chose a jury trial.

Today was the day, and after two sleepless nights, not knowing what to expect, other than knowing that I would have to be in the same building and room with him my anxiety was high.  It increased, as we live two blocks away from each other, and he was 100 feet in front of me as I went to the store before court.  So I got to walk and try to shake the unexpected preanxiety.  No great feat to be sure!

After speaking with the prosecutor and District Attorney before court this morning I felt less nervous.  What they want is acceptable to me.  I just want to live in peace and no fear and no drama.  The bummer was, there was another, older case on, so we got bumped to NOVEMBER!!!

The only good thing is that if he does or says anything to me he will get in trouble.  If he gets into trouble outside of our case, he will get in trouble.  I pray that he values his freedom more than he values creating drama and fear in my life!

All and all I feel more confident.  I could not focus on the book which I brought to hide in one little bit.  I feel better as I write and drink my tea.  The anxiety is subsiding!  If I can get through this and he can behave, I may have a real chance of actually liking my hometown again ~ realizing that it is not my city I hate, but the memories and people who have caused me deep and immense pain.  Oh the progress we are making!  I just may have a chance to a happy life after all!

Monday, June 3, 2013


Yesterday I left you, excited for the day and my grand~daughters 6th birthday Pool Party.  My son and his wife and my grand~daughter arrived fifteen minutes early and my youngest son and I were ready to go and excited as well.

Big hugs and smiles and Ainsley got to open up her present from us during the car ride, before the party, which I was secretly hoping for, my present, so to speak.  She unwrapped the gift box, and pulled the present through the tissue it was wrapped in.

Similar, I noticed, to the way my boys always used to try to pull something from the back of the fridge through whatever objects might be in there way, seemingly invisible, and  taken aback always by the crash when something fell, it always used to amuse me and make me smile each time it occurred, never heeding my mothering every time I commented on objects not being able to pass through other solid objects!

She opened up the music box and the ballerina played, I showed her how to wind it up in the back, she liked the necklace and the polished stones too as well and my oldest son said he used to collect stones when he was a kid, she showed her Mom the necklace and we tucked it in  the box safely so the chain wouldn't tangle, and arrived at our destination.

We unloaded the car and brought everything inside.  It was a very warm day and one of the windows was opened and thankfully they had a fan in the room.  Lisa and Jeff put the tablecloth down and worked together setting up the cake table and the gift bags full of candy, leaving out the extras on the table for the adults (I am a huge fan of banana laffy taffy, so I was happy)!

We all helped getting the room ready setting up the table cloths, even Ainsley gave a hand and Tom and I got some fun time with Ainsley before guests began to arrive.  It was a large group of people!  It was my first Ainsley birthday party, now an official gramma, and in the past choosing to let my Mother, whom my son lived with have that pleasure, not wanting to ruin any one's day, especially Ainsleys!

How could we refuse a hand delivered homemade party invitation?  I just sucked it up and faced my fears and even tried to encourage conversation with someone who refuses to talk to me.  My son, however pointed out that she did respond to one question I asked, which it true.

I was amazed at the number of guests, children and adults alike, mostly all family more little girls than little boys.  When all the children had arrived we went down to the pool area, the kids changing.  Some of the guys opted for some basketball in the gym instead of the pool.

I opted for taking pictures and have a bunch of shots to commemorate the day.  The above picture is of the cake.  I love that the cake says "Be Unique, Be Yourself".  I was encouraged to be an individual, by my stepfather Joe, and I encouraged my children to be the same, however, I left out the criticism and disowning part and utilized the love and caring instead.

It is encouraging to me to see my son, a parent, a husband, my daughter in law as well, so organized, caring, firm, yet warm and loving working together to do the same with this sweet young girl!  My children do not realize how much I worked to instill these things into their lives, whereas many parents did not.

While they complained they didn't get spaghetti O's and cold cereal, had real homemade dinners and home baked snacks instead of junk every night after working an eight hour day no matter what with two veggies and a potato or starch and a roast or chicken ~ hot dogs and hamburgers being "summertime" fare.  They had someone that cared to take the time and love and patience who encouraged creativity, imagination, values, manners and morals.

I got more than the treat of taffy yesterday to be sure.  Affirmation that regardless of all of the bumps along the way, in the end, the lessons and hard work, sacrifices and examples paid off.  To see them, as grown men, kind, loving, caring and hardworking.  I am prouder than they will ever know or allow me to tell them.  They are fine young men.

We had cake and ice cream singing "Happy Birthday" and blowing out candles.  It was fun and refreshing after the heat of the day.  I really enjoyed watching everyone and the babble of conversation and laughter combined was delightful!

After cake, Ms. Ainsley took a chair next to the present table and her young guests gathered at her feet as she read the name before she opened the gifts, it was so cute to watch her read the names and open gift bags,  a bucket of presents filled with glittery girl loot, opening boxes full of cute little clothes, the cards with the money, which she handed to her Mom, exclaiming the amount of each bill.

Her ultimate favorite gift had to be a Cabelos stuffed black lab, which my Uncle Matt gave her with a little red wallet with a change and bill side.  He rode all the way home with her in his arms, putting it down briefly to open up the jewelry box and check out the necklace and have a closer look at the polished stones that Tom had given her.

We rode home, got hugs and sadly had to end the day.  I love my life!!!  There is nothing that makes me happier besides time with my family!!!!

Sunday, June 2, 2013


What a wonderful day yesterday turned out to be!  I must say however, that while the one toy store on North Street is amazing ~ had some very cool toys and fun things to do in there and was less commercially geared with the "popular" toys, it left me needing to explore the rest of the street to get some ideas before I made a decision.

I had phoned my son, just in case I was unable to find the perfect gift, for a ride to the mall ( I prefer to shop locally at every possible turn however).  And he was open for that if necessary, hating the mall as much as I do!

I am glad that I continued down the street investigating each and every shop which had children's things in it! Even checking out Family Dollar, thinking it had some toys and children's pool things, but sadly, their inventory was lacking, and if I needed a doll which was of color, that was about all I was getting there!

I back tracked to one of the consignment shops where there were many cool clothes and baby gifts, yet, on the shelf there were three jewelry music boxes ~ two out of three of them I could work with, so after my adventure of checking out every possible option available to me ( and having phoned my son to find out if my granddaughter had pierced ears or not), I went as far away from "toy" as one could go.

Many years ago, before the recession, when my situation was vastly different, I had purchased a tanzanite ring, necklace and earrings for my first granddaughter.  I did not have a grandchild at that time, but it has always been my hope that someday, I would.

Since I do now have a granddaughter, and I think six is the perfect age to value things, I decided to go with the pretty heart shaped jewelry box covered with flowers and when you open it the drawer slides out and a ballerina pops up and does her little dance and the necklace for starters.

The jewelry box fits in with the present I got her last year for Christmas where I took one of my favourite heart shaped metal boxes covered with flowers and filled them up with those "helicopters" my granddaughter loves so much so she could have some fun in the middle of winter (which my sons thought was ridiculous, but which I thought, and rightly so that it was a perfect gift for this particular child!)  Once she used up the helicopters, she still had a wonderful box to put treasures in!

I am a huge believer in family traditions and passing things from generation to generation, taking care of my family antiques which were handed down to me, to pass on to my children who even at their ages don't "get it".  

They look at antique furniture and such as just heavy stuff for them to move whenever I choose to move. Although, more than one of my sons is always claiming this or that off of my walls ~ which I assure them they can all fight over when I am dead and gone, but until that time, they can enjoy whatever it is they like while they are here!

So the present is set, and except for presentation, the next two years will be as well.  She doesn't change her earrings yet, and rings are so easy to lose so I figure she will grow into the set eventually! Then she will be a princess with a matching set of jewelry.

Thomas had a polished rock heart and another polished stone to add to it as well, so I think she will be happy all the way around!  Pat, had too much fun in the toy store, I could tell when he came over and discussed his shopping adventure and what toys he procured.  

Our little princess brightens all of our lives in such a great way...maybe someday my other self proclaimed bachelors will settle down and grace my life with another bundle of love and joy as well ( I can only hope and pray!)

I got to see my middle son twice yesterday as well, for quite a while each time, which is a great joy to me!  All and all I will see all three of my sons, my granddaughter and my daughter in law and her wonderful family all in the same weekend which makes me happier than one person has a right to be!  I am truly blessed this weekend!  Birthday cake on top of that ~ I am assured to have a great day!

I am off to wrap up our gifts and get ready for the festivities to begin!  Looking forward to this wonderful pool party, perfect event considering all of this humidity!  

Have a great day and thank you for reading!

Saturday, June 1, 2013


Happy first day of June and Saturday to boot!  I have a very fun day ahead of me, as it was my granddaughters 6th birthday the other day with her pool party tomorrow, I have to go find an amazing present for this sweet little princess!

Having three boys myself and a brother with a son, it is rare that I get the opportunity to shop for a little girl.  She is also part tomboy on top of being a princess, very much an expert on light saber wars with my eldest son.  It should be fun and interesting.  I am sure that the right present will present itself!

I used to love buying presents back in the days when I was a consumer.  I am so out of practice now, I hope  I am not too out of touch!  The weather seems to be nice, sunny and probably extremely hot and humid, as it has been for a couple of days, but I am showered and almost ready to begin my adventure!

This week has been long and filled with early mornings and much activity, unlike last weekend which was filled with fun from Friday through Sunday, in which time went by so rapidly with my friend Lisa, whom I miss, and it feels like a month has gone by instead of a week!

I had a wonderful outing at the Pittsfield State Forest, with a hike and I picked the prettiest little flowers to boot!  It was so humid downtown on Thursday that I was thankful to be on top of the mountain with a most refreshing breeze and breathable air!

I also completed reading Penny Vincenzi's "No Angel", 636 very dense yet a very interesting story which was difficult at best to put down and the prequel to "Something Dangerous" which I began last night, even though I was going to read another book in between.

She packs so much history and story into her work!  I pride myself on  being able to read 600 pages in only 3 or 4 hours, not so with her work ~ try three days!  The only saving grace is that four hours will go by in what feels like two!

I made it through May ~ regardless!  Yeah!  Not really looking forward to next week as I have to tie up loose ends from my break-up with my ex from last July with court on Tuesday ~ not looking forward to facing a 6 man jury on his violation of a restraining order.  I really hate court and judges and juries for that matter ~ but it will  be done and over and then I can continue on with my life!  I for one am praying for a natural disaster of some sort to make it go away or postpone the inevitable, but I am not holding my breath!

I am thankful I will have a fun day before this major event.  I totally look forward to seeing my granddaughter and my son and his beautiful wife and my wonderful in laws ~ they know how to have real fun and we all love Ms. Ainsley so very much!!!  I cannot wait to give her a huge hug!

Off now to find a wonderful gift for the munchkin and get some errands done as well before it gets too hot so I can lose myself into the next 600 pages!  Have a great day!