So instead of focusing on the negative, which is something that I have been striving to do for many years now, sometimes failing, sometimes succeeding, because really what is the point of being negative? Negative breeds negative. That is so true. Trust me, do not go out and test that one if you are curious. My negative just bred anger and hate. Anger I did not see unless I was destroying telephones, and hate for myself. My solution was to avoid it, remove it from my life or forget about it. Running away was a favorite but children,possessions and responsibility prevented me from running away as I got older.
I have been trying to focus on happy, positive, and productive things. Trying to get my life in order in order to correct things which happened which were beyond my control. I have moved five times since 2008 and for the first time I feel somewhat settled and at home since I lost my home. That is huge. For the first time in four years I have put pictures up on the wall in the living room. First time I have felt like I am going forward.
I have been volunteering for some different places and events and meeting new people. I have been doing things which I always wanted to do but felt too self conscious to do. Normal, ordinary things.
So different, so outside of my very necessary comfort zone.