Monday, March 31, 2014


I have been busting my ass trying to get a few things caught up around the house so I can move forward with the stuff I can't do before all of the rest of my "regular" chores are done.  While at the same time fighting a race against April 20th and the closing of my latest addiction ~ Kitchen Scramble.

The game has taught me how to waste time and how to manage my time in real life as well, grouping things together and getting through with the least possible steps.  Working smart instead of hard ~ you all know what that is I am sure!

I have been thoroughly disgusted with the condition of my floors in general (one of my least favourite/back breaking chores).  More so since the other day when it was warm enough to walk around barefoot in the house and walking on so much grit and dirt that I could stand it no more!

I woke up this morning with "doing" on my mind.  I started out small with the bathroom floor.  Easy enough and in between made more pies and cookies for my goal.  This is a procrastination technique because I really set the computer room table I share with my son as a major goal the other day.

After finishing the bathroom I scrubbed the computer room floor and began the kitchen floor.  My lovely son decided to get up around noon ~ (I will take that!) so while he was showering I finished the pies leaving me with about 28 cookies to make ~ that doesn't seem like a lot but it took me 4 hours to find enough cookie customers!

When I finally finished with the final goal in Cookiehagen ~ I assessed the remaining goals ~ I still have 150,000 customers to serve to finish the final goal in the final town of the game.  Easy peasy ~ lol ~ says you!    I don't know why I am bothering other than to say that I did it.

I have two characters and I am hoping that I don't get it with enough time to decide that both of my guys need to finish the game ~ that would just be insanity (and we all know that I am borderline like that!)

In between playing we all (Kitchen Scrambler/Sag Friends) and I have been transitioning to Facebook, which in the opinion of the majority is not as good as Facebook ~ we don't have the chat option or the supply option and gifting only 40 a day is limiting our flow!  (I was near 7000 supplies on Playdom and can only accumulate around 1000 despite not playing on Facebook yet!)

The friendships and kinship which  have developed through Playdom have been a pleasure to develop and nurture over the past three months which I have been playing.  Keeping me from my normal "social media" interactions (not to mention writing) has been a bit of a downfall, but the relationships I have made are priceless!

We all share a love of the game and a great sense of loss and anger at Disney for shutting down our platform.  I don't know  ~ maybe they are thinking that Facebook and that platform will make them more money.  We are hoping for a reprieve ~ to wake up on April 20th and have it be some kind of sick joke.  I doubt that the Governor is going to call in time!  Fingers crossed but not holding our breath  we die hard fans play on!

Rarely do I get so much out of something which I use as a distractor from my pain, life and just in general.  I truly am going to miss what has been the norm for the past three months but look forward to getting to know my many "new friends" better!

As far as the floors go ~ three out of five done!!!  How is that for motivation??

Sunday, March 30, 2014


I opened my eyes and lit a cigarette and took a drag.  It was late ~ 11:00 a.m. ~ must have needed the sleep.  Tom walked up the stairs to see if I was still home ~ I think he was expecting me up and out the door at such a late hour.

I was surprised to see him up.  "I got up at 8" he said, "but then I went back to sleep after I took my my medicine."  It works for me!  He has had me going all week ~ teasing me Monday by being awake all day and hoping it would be the beginning of a trend ~ only to find him awake all night Tuesday morning.

I got up and made a tea and he began to watch t.v. in my room.  When I didn't come back upstairs he came down ~ "you tricked me ~ I thought you were coming back up, will you make breakfast?"  Whoa ~ who was this kid ~ up early and breakfast?!!?

Sure I said ~ let me wake up a bit first.  I surveyed the wreckage of the kitchen from the night before ~ it looked like two bombs went off in there.  The sinks were both full of dishes, the stove littered with pans ~ it had been a good meal ~ I had kind of hoped someone had come in during the night and done the cleaning!

In no time I had the kitchen back in order.  It was warm outside ~ very warm from what it had been so I opened one of the windows in the living room to let some welcome fresh air in.  The sun was so bright and when I stepped out on the porch it had some warmth to it ~ I recall thinking it seemed closer than it did the day before  and it hurt my eyes with it's brightness.

I made French Toast and we ate together in the Kitchen.  I washed the plates and added them to the rest of the clean dish stack.  May as well keep it going, I thought.  I headed down to the basement to start some laundry and found a batch in the dryer ready for folding and to be put away.

I don't know if it was the guilt from oversleeping, is it really oversleeping when you really have nothing to do? I decided enough was enough and got motivated to do some laundry and tackle some clutter ~ disgusted at every turn by some pile which didn't belong where it was sitting.

As the day progressed the sky grew darker and the air a bit cooler.  The beautiful day only lasted a short while ~ the coolness began to invade my comfort as opposed to refresh my rooms so I shut it before the rains came!

I was thankful I had nothing pressing anywhere in the world.  Home seemed to be the right place to be. We hung out all day, computing and watching t.v. together.  It was nice.  Reminded me of old times.  Dinner at a normal hour and when we went upstairs to watch t.v.

When I got up to my room to watch t.v.  I heard the familiar sound of "His Girl Friday" another of my old favourites ~ Cary Grant is so funny with Rosalind Russell and Ralph Bellamy.  I half expected him to change it ~ but we watched the entire thing together ~ laughing at the comedy of the two main actors together.  He is learning!

We put on another show and then began a movie despite the late hour.  I looked over and my boy was sound asleep instead of ready to run down to his computer and meet his friends for a game as he normally would do.

I am proud of the efforts he is making.  This has been a week of changes in behavior for sure!  I don't want to get too excited about it ~ you know how much I hate disappointment ~ but I am!!!!  I consider this a major achievement and one which I hope will stick around  ~ I will take what I can get and take the simple pleasure from it!

Friday, March 28, 2014


Despite waking up on the wrong side of the bed on Thursday the day turned out to be much better than I anticipated.  My son, realizing my grumpiness decided it would be in his best interest to get up at 10:30 which was a marvelous thing indeed!

He invited me out to lunch and accompanied me on our errands as well, it was nice not walking alone through the world yesterday!  I picked the place ~ having been dreaming about the Philly Cheesesteak at Empire Pizza ~ he wanted a sub so I thought it would be the perfect place.

When our food came mine was everything I had remembered ~ delicious, hot and loaded with yummy goodness.  It is indeed a treat to eat out and to have my son venture out into the world daylight or darkness so it was a win/win for me.

His grinder was two slices of meat loaded with lettuce and onion.  Not as good as an A~Mart sub which costs about half the money.  Apparently it did not even smell or taste good to him so he ordered a piece of pizza which was good but not the best ~ I felt bad for him indeed!

We called his Dad who lives Upstreet and made plans to stop by.  It was time to shop his cabinets which we did.  It was nice to have help carrying the loot as he always loads us up with the canned veg and sauce which keep me going throughout the "lean" times.

We had a nice visit, but the hour was drawing near to leave.  There is about a two hour window we had from beginning to end where it was warm and then it goes much colder and we wanted to be home before the much colder hit.

We decided to hang out and watch some t.v. after we returned and I turned him on to the show Cosmos which has Seth MacFarlane's name connected with it ~ producer I think  (details!!)  It is another Sunday night show which will never make the line up for us on Sunday but which totally blew me away with the first episode.

It was so good that we took in another episode a few hours later and that did not disappoint either.  It is a wonderful history/science lesson about the Universe and how we got here.  It breaks it down simply but you do not feel like an idiot totally ~ but learn new things or things you may have know but have forgotten.  For me it is a godsend!  I cannot wait to learn more!!!

Today is a rainy Friday.  It is quiet in the house.  I woke late and while I woke up on the right side of the bed today I am having a bit of trouble still with my range of motion and pain in general.  Days and days of this can be very wearing and tiring.

Thankfully I have nothing too pressing which cannot wait another day ~ kind of feeds on my procrastination issues.  It is a good day I think to begin a book which I secured at the library after watching the movie and reading a book review on the book.

It is a young adult book (some people may argue that I still am in that category), "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky ~ I love coming of age stories and the movie was well acted and had a good story line.  The book I am told is great.  I will let you know!  It is small and should only take a few hours to read.

I am feeling pretty confident about the past month ~ productive, motivating and overall feeling pretty good. We have everything we need so there is no stress there ~ I could not have said that truthfully yesterday, but today is another day!

I am hoping this rain kicks the tail end of winter out of the way and allows the wonderful transformation into spring ~ I am still waiting for that warm breeze to blow ~ that is when I know spring is truly on its way ~ so far not happening but I have my fingers crossed it will happen soon!

Thursday, March 27, 2014


Another day ~ Thursday to be exact ~ I must say that for the end of winter (technically spring now although Mother Nature is still unleashing her fury on the planet!), I am not as bat shit stir crazy as I was last winter. When it warms up everything is all melty and wet and muddy but then bamm~ cold, ice, wind and more snow!

The changes on this planet are magnificent and horrible in some cases.  I am thinking of that horrible mudslide and people trapped in more mud than we can imagine.  Cries heard, unanswered as rescuers cannot reach people.  Loss, devastation and sadness for the survivors and their families.

Great powerful winds blasting our planet ~ also, unlike any we have seen, outside of hurricanes and tornadoes accompanied by a blizzard, knocking out power and who knows what else ~ I have not seen the news on that one yet today.

Wacky and wonderful our weather is.  I for one prefer the sunshine and blue skies of our awesome Berkshire Summers, and cannot wait to get into my shorts and work on my tan.  Last year I changed my routine and barely used my deck ~ this year I plan on spending more time out on the deck ~ I even asked my landlord if I could get one of those inflatable pools and he did not say no.

My friend Cindy keeps trying to get me to go to the Lake with her.  I don't like the Lake.  It is a nice lake but I don't feel comfortable at the Lake to sunbathe and swim.  Not sure why ~ I have been like that since I was a teenager.

We had a cottage on the "other" Lake when I was growing up.  Still do, although since I have separated from my family I have also separated from the Cottage and it has been many moons since I sat looking out on the water, floated on a tube, laughed with my family and was a part of the group.

It will be a while before the ice melts anyway ~ I do not know why I am dreaming of summer and swimming, especially when it feels like 12 degrees outside!  Wishful thinking I guess.  I do miss the Cottage and the family.

Ah well, another life, another time.  I do cherish my memories!  Those days seem so far away and long ago.  I guess I am a bit nostalgic today as I contemplate the end of the month, the beginning of a new season and the need for summer sun and warmth.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014


Monday was awesome and just what the doctor ordered.  I got to spend a wonderful "normal" day with my son, planned a great meal and prepped Tuesday's dinner that day as well.  We had dinner at a decent dinner time and got to watch t.v. together early "old school" style.

I wish I could say that I got two days in a row like that, but alas, when I woke up at 9:00 a.m., well rested and happy ~ I found my son awake still from the night before.  Drat!  I was hoping it would be more than a day in a row!

I waited until afternoon to wrestle my way away from the computer and head Upstreet to do my errands.  While I was out I realized it was Tuesday and made my way to the Methodist Church and their food pantry after running into a couple of people and having a very interesting and much needed conversation with an acquaintance of mine about of all things ~ writing ~ the blog, etc.

I have been slacking from writing my blog ~ questioning (always questioning) it's purpose.  I have been feeling like it had none really ~ no clear design or purpose.  He made three people in one day to inspire me with words to keep up with my words.

It seems that while I was feeling stale and useless some people voiced the fact that it is positive and inspirational.  Go figure.  One of my friends also called me "positive".  As a person who lived in a very dark and lonely world of negativity and in the shadows so to speak ~ to have someone consider me positive (don't get me wrong ~ I try! I try to help people, cheer them up when they are down, make them laugh when they want to cry, lend a helping hand where I can.

Three people can't be wrong.  So here I am, after thinking about scrapping the whole project, due to my lack of commitment and purpose ~ focusing more on the creative writing in between my real goal of finishing this game that has been taking me away from it all for the past couple of months before it closes (and succeeding ~ just not all the way yet (getting closer to that goal!)

Feeling the winter and the lack of "doing" and even when I am "doing" I have not been sharing because quite frankly, other people cover what I like to write about ~ but that should not stop me from doing what I do and being me and sharing my work, after all, we all have our own audience don't we?

So magical Monday turned into thought changing Tuesday and now we made it to windy Wednesday with a huge storm off the coast of New England and heading to Nova Scotia.  50 mile an hour winds headed upwards to 75 mile an hour winds ~ unheard of in my lifetime but a new thing to make note of in the nature and science department!

I am glad I live in the Mountains ~ we are only having 20-25 mile an hour winds here ~ not bad!  I have dinner defrosting in my recently emptied fridge ~ finally cleaned it out before garbage day.  I am ashamed to say I had black olives in there from Christmas dinner.  Nothing too colourful but omg ~ the things that hide in the recesses of the fridge!

My friends had called me to see if I wanted to get together earlier this morning.  I hadn't been up 5 minutes when the phone rang.  I had brought out the garbage for the garbage men to pick up ~ I probably would have continued sleeping if I didn't have that obligation!

I passed on the opportunity.  It was difficult, but now, three hours later I feel I made the right choice.  Of course the boy is still sleeping.  The chores are still waiting and so are my other goals, but not for long.  It is always so difficult to know where to begin, so I began here on this page.

I am heading over to my other site to do some creative writing and another entry which I have been pondering.  If you are in a wind zone, rain zone, mud zone, or any danger zone do be careful ~ safety first! I for one choose to spend my day in the house where it is warm and safe!

Monday, March 24, 2014


As I pick myself up from my weekend of tiring fun and recharging with my granddaughter (now that I am done feeling bad about what I haven't done) and prepare to prioritize my obligations and my responsibilities and goals to begin to pull myself out of the hole I have created, I am surprised by a couple of things on this wonderful Monday.

The first thing I am happily surprised about is the outside support by people who truly do make it their life's goal to help and inspire people.  One in particular ~ and you know who you are ~ Always Believing and inspiring!  ~ The second is my son ~ I have been struggling to motivate myself daily (which is mostly a win/win as I am too hard on myself)  and also my youngest son.

He is recovering from a health concern and the medication has really taken control of his sleep and his avoidance of being around people has left him awake mostly all night and going to bed in the daytime.  Today, I am happy to report that he is awake despite the fact it is only 11:30 in the morning, cooked me a burger for breakfast and is sitting next to me doing his thing.

I thought my direct parenting days were over, but due to this illness, he has been left needing care, love and time to heal and recover and adjust.  It has been my job to try to motivate him towards a productive life instead of life passing him by.

The only problem has been that when I encourage ~ he pushes back by extending his sleeping hours ~ oh what I would give to be complaining that he was sleeping too late at 2:00 in the afternoon instead of 8:00 at night!  As a parent it is very frustrating.

My granddaughter loves to spend time with him and she kept him up until noon Sunday.  Since we had shows to watch together I forced him awake at 8:00 a struggle but one I managed.  The problem with his "new" schedule is that I have been shifting my schedule and have been apt to stay up too late which has been one of my problems over the previous couple of months.

You know it is family first in my house and in my heart.  Missing spending time with my son I tried to adapt.  I cannot stay up 20 hours a day however and do all that I have to do.  Sorry, I am not the superwoman he thinks I am ~ but I do try.

I am a person who likes structure so I did try it his way.  That is what makes today a good day ~ he is trying it my way today!  With any kind of luck it will be the first of many days that he gets back on the same track as the rest of us in this time zone!

Seeing his attempt at switching back to my hours and hearing him proudly say that he went to bed at 2 a.m. instead of 8 a.m. really warmed my heart.  It is not that he wants to be a vampire ~ it is just something that happened without warning ~ mental health is kind of a funny thing!

I try not to get mad at the effect of his life on mine.  I love when he goes to his brothers, love when he comes back ~ but I hate watching his life pass him by.  I hate that I have no control and my words are not effective.  It is frustrating to me as a parent.

I don't want to jinx it, but I do hope this trend continues.  Watching a loved one struggle as they go through an issue is not fun ~ especially when there is nothing to be done but trust in medication and trust that the brain is a wonderful thing that does right itself again eventually!

Sunday, March 23, 2014


I gave my girl the camera and told her to knock herself out ~ she has a good eye ~ who know's maybe she will be in the art world when she gets older!  She has great taste and is pretty good with a camera despite her size!

We had a great time as always!  Baking cookies, painting ceramic rocking horses, waking up and drawing some flowers with our pastels ~ all the things that I love to do with my little monkey girl!  She even let me stay in bed until 8:45 ~ although she pointed out that I looked like I had been up all night ~ nearly right since Tom and I watched the Hangover 3 after she went to bed!

She had woken at 6 a.m. and must have still been tired herself as she then slept until 8:00 ~ later than usual!  We were even all ready ~ dressed with hair and teeth brushed when Jeff came and picked her up!  I had to show him pictures of the fort since I dismantled it last night so we could use the t.v. without having to be in the fort ~ I don't think Tom and I could have fit in it at the same time!

Now it is quiet ~ Tom went to bed 5 minutes after she left ~ I hope that doesn't mean his wake time will now be midnight!  I declare the boy is going to be the death of me!

I have some goals to finish before the day is over ~ errands out of the house I am not wanting to do ~ my neck is toast today and my back is not much better!  A nap seems more appropriate but not on my list! 

Wednesday, March 19, 2014


Yeah!!  After a very long, but great week (10 days) my son is coming home!!!  He called and said he would be here later!

I am a happy girl indeed.  I managed my solitude quite nicely I think ~ I was pretty active and social ~ steps towards my goal of re~integrating my self back into society instead of being a hermit ~ extroverted instead of introverted ~ always a struggle, I hide it well most times.

I was on the brink of getting lonely indeed.  With the neighbors officially moved out 8 days ago, I tried very hard not to realize that I was the only one in my whole building ~ every noise in the night ~ it was a challenge as well ~ he will be a sight for sore eyes!

I have been so productive ~ amazingly!  I started not only the avocado pit to grow another tree, last years specimen had a mishap which it did not recover from ~ I am again trying to grow a pineapple.  It feels like deja vu since it was about this time last year that I was doing the very same thing!

Today I acquired three canvas's which I get to paint over and experiment with.  I figure that I will let my grand-daughter have one of them ~ never too young ~ she is a wonderful little artist ~ I am curious to see what she will make on hers.

I have been dying to try to learn how to paint (I dabble in watercolours) since I was 16 years old.  Too old for this dog to learn a new trick?  Not sure ~ I will let you know.  I have no vision so I see nothing.  I am one of those people who just create on auto pilot.

I have been hanging out with some nice people.  Positive energy is always a plus.  I get to spend Friday night with my granddaughter which will be fun and exciting!  She has requested Fish Sticks for dinner.  It has been a long time since a fish stick has been eaten in this house but I am game ~

I wrote part 6 of my continuing story earlier as well which I will share the link with in case you are following it.  I caught up on my blog reading ~ which was daily, but like writing reading slipped it's priority ~ catching up was fun.  I like reading large spans and I had to make up a bunch just to pick the story back up!

My show is coming on so I have got to bounce up to my room.  Thanks for reading and have a great one!

Sunday, March 16, 2014


I refused to be defeated by myself ~ on that note ~ here is part 5 of Unexpected~ have to hit the link because for some reason it doesn't let me post it in text ~

Hope you enjoy it!

I am including the links in case you missed any ~

Busy day today out and about in the world so I must run!  I am working on readjusting my writing schedule to include writing ~ but I must "do" in order to "write" so on that end I will be going to another opening reception later today and you just never know what may happen in between ~ hopefully not what is going on in my story above!!!

Have a wonderful Sunday and thanks for reading!



It is almost a new day as I write this.  I had a full day which you can read about here doing a few art things ( I forgot that I didn't share here earlier as I began this post and had to delete a few sentences ~ add the link and then I will catch you up...(so that what I want to write will make sense I recommend you read the link before continuing with this post-thank you)

So I came home from my day of Art Appreciation and I was so tired and beat ~ I really just wanted to lie down and rest.  My girl Cindy was coming over after work (around 8:00 I was assuming (you know what they say about that!!!) anywho, I was heading up to relax around 7:00 (and by that I mean that I was attempting a last round of Kitchen Scramble) when there was a knock at the door.

Knowing it could only be Cind ~ I yelled from my computer room that I would be right there, I could hear her laugh and that made me smile cuz I knew that she knew what I was doing and why I could not answer the door ~ I yelled again ~ be right there (wondering why they don't have pause buttons on games anymore), hear her laugh again ~ smile..wonder how it can take so long for virtual food to cook when  you were in a hurry...

Finally I got finished ~ it was worth it ~ three stars and I ran to the door to let her in.  Suddenly the energy changed and I felt better.  She told me it had gotten warmer out - which I can believe so full of energy I grabbed a warmer coat than I had on earlier in the day and we walked out my front door and were hit with a gust of wind.

She needed medicine at the pharmacy which was why I agreed to go ~ and the promise of warmer air outside with the renewed energy spurt and missing seeing her since she began school was enough reason to continue on instead of hightailing it back inside to the warmth and comfort of my house.

Thomas has been at his brothers since Tuesday so I have been lacking human contact for longer than I care to.  Oh, I have had little bursts of it this week, but Charles visit reminded me of what I really do miss more than anything and that is the happy laughter and the warm sense of peace and contentment I get surrounded by other people.

It helps if I know them, but from my days in marketing and traveling to larger cities for Home Shows, Boat Shows, R.V. Shows, Wines Shows, Carnivals, Town Fairs, SeaFood Festivals and the likes not to mention the Greater Hartford Open ~ which is was not only a beautiful golf course when I attended it was packed with people and people give me a huge thrill.

I guess that is pretty funny for me to realize as I am an introverted extrovert who is currently and has been very introverted lately.  I digress, because I was walking in up to 30 miles an hour wind to the pharmacy with my girl because her chest was so congested and I knew she would not go if I didn't go with her.

When we hit  the Park she said ~ are you sure about this ~ and I replied ~ we are halfway there from my house there is no way we are not going We trudged on.  I remember saying to her ~ It will be less windy once we hit First Street ~ the wind is going the other direction it made me feel better, until we cleared the park and hit First Street where the wind was still blowing like mad!

We went into Cumbys and she grabbed a coffee ~ I declined a beverage because quite frankly, I did not want to carry it!  We watched the wind gusting and blowing bags of garbage around outside ~ talking with the cashier hoping it would die down a bit.

We continued down First and were prepared as we could be on Maplewood which runs the same direction as the Park.  It was not good.  It looked like the trees were blowing less on North Street ~ our destination to the Family Dollar as the Pharmacy was closed ~ it was further of course but our only choice.

North Street in contrast to all of the others was like a walk on a sunny beach ~ in another reality.  We crossed the street and the wind was calmer as the few buildings blocked the wind somewhat.  Of course they were out of tea and my favourite Cadbury Mini Eggs (which only come out this time of year) but I remembered I couldn't find the lemon pepper when I went shopping so I grabbed that anyway.

After I checked out I remembered thumbtacks so I could work on displaying me and Ainsley's art since the refrigerator was running out of space so I grabbed some tacks ~ completely forgetting the diced tomatoes for the guacamole I am going to make so I can start another avocado tree.  I fear I have killed mine and did remember to get one when I went shopping the other day.

Cindy was worse than me ~ she checked out completely when she remembered the reason we had come and while she was paying I found what she was looking for.  I blame the manager ~ he distracted us with the reality of the layout of the store and it worked.  "It's not what you need ~ it's everything else in your face to distract you."  It totally worked on us!!

I got my hat and gloves on dreading the trek back through the wind tunnel.  Thankful that this time it would be at our backs.  Stepping out onto the sidewalk we got a good show of fireworks blasting off in the distance and even chose to cross to the extra windy side of the street to continue to watch as we made our way until a building got in our way and then we just heard the pop, pop, pop of the grand finale.

I love fireworks even more than I love people ~ especially unexpected ones!  It was great.  We popped into a local pizza place and she treated us both to Philly Cheese Steaks ~ I hadn't even been aware that I was hungry but it was gone in a flash ~ the onions, peppers and mushrooms adding a delightful flavour with the shaved steak.  It was delish in a wrap and a first for me like that.

I made her take her medicine while we were waiting for our food in the hopes that it would make her feel better sooner.  Although she is older than me, the maternal instincts are pretty strong in me.  She complied.

I stopped into her place to visit with her husband and their new guest Larry.  Larry is a cool old man, but he was having spells from an illness he has so is was alert and then not so alert at times.  At one point he was in the kitchen sitting in the chair and I looked around the room at Cindy and her husband and noticed that the three of us were watching him like he was the television or a character in a play..(he was out of it at the time and we were all waiting to see if he was going to topple out of the chair).

I pointed it out and we all started laughing.  A few minutes later he was awake and eating pineapple and drinking his coffee...I can see life is going to be pretty interesting over there!  Speaking of pineapple, I noticed that they had a fresh one on the counter so I enquired if I might have the top when it was cut in order to try to grow a pineapple plant.

Out comes a knife and wham...ask and you shall receive.  In gratitude I skinned and sliced their pineapple for them and got to enjoy some fresh pineapple in return.  Win win all the way around.  After what seemed like a shorter time than it was I took my leave to walk the final block down to the comforts of my home.

I got home and emptied my loot, trimmed down the stem and found a location for my new science project.  It takes a very long time to produce a pineapple plant something like 8 years if you are lucky I think it was.  I will have roots hopefully sooner than it takes to root an avocado!  Either way it is like history repeating itself since I tried this last year at this time and only had a 50% success rate.  I am shooting (as always) for a 100% success rate!

I hesitated before I did what normally is familiar and opened the page and did what comes naturally.  With any luck it is the beginning of climbing out of that space I have been occupying and not hesitate.  It is good to be back.

Friday, March 14, 2014


I am losing sleep over not writing.  I have been thinking about it, yet thinking and doing are two different things.  Yesterday I did not even open up and check my stats and notifications.  This morning my guilt made me look and become aware that it had been 8 days since I last published anything.

Eight days of procrastination.    I thought I had walked away (somewhat) from that strange companion of mine.  Apparently my old friend has been out of sight but not out of mind, lurking in the dark recesses of my self.

I have excuses, of course, the dog did not eat my homework though.  I was struck after a busy weekend last weekend with a rare for me case of Vertigo.  Not to be confused with the regular dizziness one might get from standing too fast or whatever may cause it besides that ~ it is when you stand and the whole world keeps spinning and it continues.

When I woke on Monday to a ringing phone, which, when I picked it up to answer went flying out of my hand landing on the floor in two pieces ( battery still intact/no lost call), my brain was in a fog like I just woke from a coma.

Picking up the phone I could not formulate a clear response (good thing it was a good friend on the other end) I requested five minutes to wake up and clear my head.  Standing, I took a step towards the stairs, a bit wobbly, in a fog and dizzy.

I proceeded down the stairs where I stopped at the bottom ~ reaching out to brace myself at the bottom, because when I stopped ~ the world did not ~ I misjudged the distance between myself and the wall for support , instead I tried to stabilize myself on a pile of stacked paints, papers and almost crashed through the wall!

Taking a second to readjust my head, I paused before going down the last two steps before heading over t o the window to open the shade for my plants ~ morning ritual.  I pulled the drawstring and the shade broke ~ coming crashing down (avoiding the plants!)!!

I guess it felt left out since the companion to it broke a couple of months ago ~ needless to say it was not what I was expecting on top of everything else!  I made my way to the living room to reflect on the previous five minutes ~ for a monday things were not looking that good.

I was thankful, as I contemplated rolling a smoke, that my son had a cigarette already rolled, I could imagine what the rolling machine had in store for me that day and really was not eager to find out.  I lit the cigarette and phoned my friend back, still in a fog.

I made a tea  thinking that would help me wake up.  By now, I had figured out that the dizziness was separate from the whole in a coma from being wakened out of a deep sleep ~ one of the deepest in a very long time for some reason.

I cannot explain how I felt, but suddenly all I wanted to do was vomit from all the spinning and so I googled dizziness.  I tried to vomit to get rid of the dizziness but neither would co-operate.  I made a decision to cancel my standing doctor's appointment (non-medical).

By the afternoon I was getting nervous.  I hoped it was the signs of the flu so I would have a reason to feel the way I did.  I managed a ride later in the day from my Son and granddaughter to submit an application I thought was almost overdue.

Even sweet Ainsley's smile did not take my dizziness away but it did make me feel better!  While I was dropping off the application, the woman told me about some over the counter medication for vertigo and motion sickness.

When I finished I had my son drop me at the pharmacy where I located said medication.  I am not a fan of medication but I was less of a fan of the way I felt, so I popped a tablet under my tongue as I walked home figuring that if it made me drowsy I was only a few blocks from home.

My head felt a little better within an hour or so.  Everyone was so supportive in giving advice and possibilities of what it could be, or what experiences they had.  Since I have neck and back issues with nerve compression I could not rule out the possibility that it was spine related either so I took it all in and promised to get checked out if it continued.

Fortunately for me, Tuesday was a much better day.  My head still felt funny, but I did not have to take the medicine or see a doctor.  Two things which pleased me very much.  It did however, put me off schedule.  I had all these plans to share my ArtWalk and Mass MOCA experiences with you ~ complete with pictures ~ lots and lots of pictures (which I will do).

I guess I may have just seriously overdone it between Friday and Saturday with all of the walking.  I did make it to my doctor on Tuesday (non medical) and then had a wonderful visit with one of my son's old friends who originally rescued our Simba when he was a pup from his abusive home.

He came with his girl and his dog and a friend and we had a nice visit for a couple of hours.  It was nice.  It was the first time in a long time that I could think about my home and remember the great times there.  Sir Charles reminded me that it was a great place, a great experience and one that he will cherish in his memories (the same as I do and always will).

It made me feel good.  It made me remember, but not in the negative light which the loss of my HOME normally does.  It took me there back to the love, the family, the peace, the laughter and the awesome and wonderful life which I had and which those who were there had as well.

The loss of the happiest time of my entire life, though it spanned only 6 or 7 years, is what makes the day to day of everyday since 2008 so difficult.  For me, I find that my unhappiness sprung, not only from losing the house, but from my memories fading fast ~ just last week I could not remember anything  to grasp at other than the loss.

With the years full of (dare I say perfection), perfection for me, surrounded by people ( mostly teenage boys and girls), food, music, stories, laughter ~ to not remember was devastating.  Since visiting with Charles and hearing how meaningful and memorable our little home and family impacted my life it came flooding back.

It is not the location (specifically) that makes a house a home ~ it is what you surround yourself with.  For me, I have been shrouded in a cloak of darkness from my loss instead of being enveloped in the love and beauty of those wonderful times and memories!

Out of the darkness comes the light once again.  It kind of jump started me back into myself a little bit.  I got back on track and plowed through some spring cleaning to get ready and to take advantage of my son's absence.

I re-found my love of drawing with pencil ~ straight up lead ~ it did all begin with some charcoal all those years ago as I recall ~ although I have no woodstove to snitch a piece of charcoal from to draw with, a standard #2 came to the rescue.

I still have to put the house back together from picking up Christmas ~ rearrange displays and furniture (what else is new???) Spring is on it's way ~ a rebirth, regrowth and new outlook!  I will be happy when this Arctic Freeze passes and we get back into our sweltering summer temps!

The old neighbors have gone!  Finally have an empty place no more door slamming, hot water hoarding, temperature variations when I am in the shower thanks to mean spirited evilness!  Life is good and can only get better from here!

It has been a little spooky for the past couple of days being the only person in the  building and I was a little tempted to bring the big sword upstairs while I was sleeping without my son in the house and all the random noises a house makes when it is half empty.  (I resisted)

Shopping plans with a ride are in the works for this afternoon ~ I have deadlines and more deadlines some real and some just put on me by myself.  Much to do in this forward thinking brain of mine!  Thanks for taking the time to read and do forgive me for falling off the planet for a week!

Thursday, March 6, 2014


Today was throwback Thursday and my cousin posted a couple of pictures of the rare times when we were all together!

Since most of my family lived away from the roost for work and such, the family time was far and few between, but when we all were in the same place good times were sure to be had!

My grandparents would travel to visit, often bringing my brother and I to various locales to to and see our cousins and Aunt and Uncles which was always fun and exciting as well, but there was nothing like those times when we were all at Gram's in Lanesborough ~ the goodies she would make!  The love and laughter was everywhere!

We cousins all together ~ maybe a handful of times over my life ~ one of the rare times at Grams on the porch I can still feel the love and pride of being a part of this family!  This is where I get the true meaning and value of family from ~ Gram and Pop for sure they instilled that in us.  Since they have been gone the connection has been severed a bit, but due to the Internet I can still be reminded of it ~ despite not having any real connections anymore!

My Poppie as we called him was adopted when he was a child, and just last week I obtained from one of my cousins, his Birth last name.  Before he died more than a few years ago, his siblings who were not adopted out contacted him but he did not want to meet them.

This makes me sad.  I for one can understand the way my Poppie felt.  The pain and the loss and the sense of abandonment must have been very difficult for him to comprehend at such a late stage in his life, hell, throughout his entire life ~ I am sure!

I think part of the reason that I decided, after going through steps to put my first born son up for adoption (and changed my mind thankfully) when I found myself pregnant at 17 had a lot to do with the fact that my Pops was adopted.  Not wanting to put a child through those feelings later in life.

I have done oodles of research on my Granma's Mother's family who came over from the Azores in the 1700's trying to (and succeeding once or twice) in connecting with long lost relatives and have a huge desire to go to the Azores as you all know if you have been following along with my blog, as I get a sense of "home" from the pictures which I see of the Islands.

The same rings true with my Grandfather ~ despite his not being curious about his long lost family ~ whom I am sure struggled with the decision in the early 1900's in giving him up, be it for financial reasons or other such reasons (not easy as a mother to not be around your child for any reason and to have to give one up??? Worse than death I would think!)

Regardless, this is one Gallant who would like to know more about the Paczek family who are related (if anyone is alive who has this family history) and can remember then I for one would love a line dropped to me.  My email as always is and if by some minuscule chance you or someone you know who reads this has information ~ do not hesitate to drop me a line!  Life is too short and family is too important (something I learn more and more each day as I head toward my middle age.  

Wednesday, March 5, 2014


Totally not being a slacker today ~ please feel free to read part 4 of my first real piece of fiction.  Hope you enjoy it!


I have no excuses for not writing over the previous five days ~ it is already the fifth of March ~ flying by quicker than the speed of my fingers on the keyboard.  This whole winter has flown by rather rapidly.  No cabin fever this year (no fly experiments thus far either!)

I am barely awake as I type this.  Guilt is my motivator today.  I opened up this blank page before my tea is even done heating in the microwave ~ I continue to type through the beep ~ five minutes before at least more before I can turn it into my morning ambrosia.

I have been somewhat productive and busy ~ joining an intimate group of Creators on Saturday at the Whit ~ there were only five or maybe six people in attendance.  We chatted about art styles and inspiration of work and motivation as well.

I felt comfortable in this group.  Funny thing for me ~ feeling comfortable with a group of people!  I stepped further out of my comfort zone and went over to my new friend Lisa's house and checked out her cute attic apartment!

I am amazed by all the angles and eves and pretty coloured windows.  Making it comfortable and functionable.  She has the same situation I did ~ moving a house into an apartment!  I know that feeling all too well!

My second apartment after moving out of my house ~ I recall taking over a year to be able to figure out where things should go.  I was forever moving things around.  I eventually got all my stuff how I wanted it and then it was time to go into another impossible apartment.

I am not going to even go into the first apartment after losing my house because I am still trying to figure out if that really happened to me ~ all that craziness which wasn't my craziness for a change (not that I am prone to craziness but it is attracted to me!)

I think it was losing my grandfather and the stress about being around my mother which led me to choose the third one which the sleeping quarters were in the cellar and the living areas were on the first floor~ no one stopped me which is the funny thing.  Looking back I should have known ~ all the druggies in the house should not have been the factor which made me get out and get out fast!

I found (with the help of my brother) a bright, airy and spacious second floor flat ~ great kitchen ~ which was fine ~ my dog liked it and we had good people we greeted everyday and made friends with during our multiple walks.

Then the walls began seeping moisture and mold within a day of the moisture on the sheetrock ~ good times!  It got better with the landlord(s) trying to pass the blame on me ~ slumlords more like it~ they owned the whole street and most of the city was influenced by them in some way which led me flee into a nice cozy half a house which suits me fine right now.

It is home.  As much as it can be.  I am doing my best to like my surroundings.  Amazingly, for the most part I do.  My life isn't what it was, but it is beginning to be a bit satisfying.  I am still working on turning around my childhood and adolescent dislikes of "The Pitts", and doing new and fun things.

I don't think I would like it so much without all of the Art I am exposing myself too.  Most of the artists are wonderful, open and sharing people who don't mind discussing their processes and their work.  I find that a wonderful thing.

Sunday brought me to the second stage of Barrington Theatre for ushering at the second to the last performance of the 10X10 Festival.  Ten ten minute plays with a ten minute break in the middle.  The first one was funny and opened up the show with a "Live from Pittsfield....;" like Saturday Night Live.

The plays ranged from funny to heartbreaking ~ covering depression, alzheimers, demonic possession, among a few ending with a funny Fairy Tale ~ Ushering the guests to their seats was a fun experience as well. I have never been an usher before (thankfully it was one section so my biggest worry was which end to guide them for their seating)

I think I did pretty good!  I only need to work out one thing ~ how not to get trapped being above the people who are standing to make way for the people I am seating so I can get over to where I need to greet people to seat them ~ not to big of a problem but one that happened twice!!!

I have been exploring different styles in my art and writing as well.  Finding old supplies and creating new things ~ exploring how for instance pastels and ink might work together, getting back into my water colours a bit and writing creatively.

Monday I had my normal counseling appointment and covered so much ground and went so far as to actually make some realizations.  I left feeling like I had made some progress and felt better.  Until I hit the cold air which took me on my way to be responsible and do my banking to meet my landlord.

I almost forgot, walking towards home after the bank, that I was supposed to the market and grab some potatoes for dinner- one of the mainstays of our existence here ~ cursing as I turned around to walk the way I needed to go, I kept the shopping to a minimum as I decided on the 8lb bag of potatoes.

That might not seem heavy to you dear readers, but the blocks which I had to walk with that wieght ( my restriction is 5lbs) yeah right ~ I never really ever keep to the 5lb restriction by necessity of life!  Five lbs isn't really a lot.

For a girl who used to fill up the wheelbarrow with wood, well beyond what my football player brother could handle and unload and refill five pounds is a real challenge.  I paid for that potatoe experience ~ am still paying today as a matter of fact ~ my neck and back are done in and my brain and fingers are doing the work today!

The writing last week was a bit dark themed and I have been planning/thinking instead of doing.  Different for me, as I am most comfortable letting my fingers, the keyboard and my brain go on auto and see what comes out.

I slipped into the darkness and strayed from my light and fluffy pieces.  As a matter of fact ~ I have to work on another installment of my story ~ which I was hoping to finish in four parts (and part of the delay is in the thinking about that story and where it should go, where it could go and where it will go!

The rest will be a mystery to all of us, I guess I wont know until it writes itself later today.  (After I meet my deadline on nails for my 2014 writing challenge.  That one is going to be the biggest challenge yet as I have no idea what to write, it may also be the first challenge I do not accept! )

I say that now ~ but I will come through with 150 words ~ it is not in my DNA to quit.  My tea is calling me ~ probably needs to be warmed up by now!

Have a great day and remember to smile and keep warm!