I am not a big plan maker. I have been floating through life by the seat of my pants, making it up as I go along, doing the best I can, yet realizing that what has worked in the past may not have been the best overall plan. I did successfully raise my boys, am working on getting my finances and medical back in order, having punished myself the most by not seeking competent medical care after I fired my last doctor, choosing instead to ignore my neck and back and pain issues, letting my torn rotator cuff just chill, letting everything progress at its own rate and not doing anything preventative at all.
Changing that over the six months by dental and chiropractic care have only been the beginning. Doing what I need to do and doing what they want me to do is the challenge. Working my brain around trusting people who have in the most recent past have let me down with their own agendas which did not include me as a priority when that is their job is not easy to do.
Living life day to day, survival, basic needs met just barely more often than I like makes me think that this year I need to do things a bit differently. I am not sure what my plan is. I just feel that I am in a renaissance of my life. A rebirth, a time of change.
This time it wont be reactionary, and it wont be standing still and doing nothing. I think neither of those options have done me any justice in the past. I do know the areas that I need to work on. Since I am almost settled in my home - the first huge step for me - I cannot move ahead if I am not secure in my home and my home life. Since home is where the heart is and my heart is here. I am finally secure and building upon it.
Huge shifts in my life. Changing long held beliefs, things that drove me, which helped me to manage not to go crazy with the reality of situations which were more unhealthy believing any way - being strong enough to face these things, accept the lesson and grow from them. Being able to look at myself through other peoples eyes and grow in trust and acceptance of myself and my strengths, instead of my perceived weaknesses. Shutting off that voice in my head that just points out the bad, the negative, the mean and the hurtful lies that have been told to me since the beginning of time.
Doing things, making plans, seeing options. Huge! I still don't know what I am going to do specifically, but then again, I never do right before an opportunity gets brought to my attention which mutually benefits not only me, but whomever presents the opportunity. I am an asset. I just don't know yet in which way I can be the best asset yet. I guess I will have to realistically look at myself and see where my strengths talents, and opportunity lies and go from there! I am open to life for the first time and am looking so forward to moving forward with goals, dreams and plans!!!
Realizing for the first time in my life that with a little bit more structure and planning that I can achieve things! I look forward to 2013! I am ready for anything! (Within reason)!
Hope you all are ready too!
Happy New Year!