MONDAY

Monday - one of my favorite days Usually!  Note the capital 'U'.  I have lived through the day without telling anyone off or killing anyone and only have a slight sliver of a desire not to be on this planet AT ALL regardless of anyone or anything.

It hasn't helped my attitude any - pain, lack of good sleep, top it off with a dose of outside bullshit and I am over the top ready to take flight.  Fleeing is not a new thought.  It has been one of my constant companions since I was pre teen.  I am well beyond those years.

Before the days when I was old enough to flee, I fled into books, words, stories.  Reading, writing, listening and learning.  Escape was just a page away. I have many pages under my belt and no doubt a zillion more words to read.

I made a choice to stop writing a couple of years ago when things went sideways in my life, two unrelated, yet related events.  Since, at times I do care about how others would perceive me, through my words and with my pain, disappointment and anger, I decided to focus on healing myself a different way and mourn the loss of such a fun and Great time I had been having by catching up on the things I had been neglecting in my all consuming life at that time.

It was slow going.  That was fine.  I was not on a deadline.  One more episode (two really) to process.  I embraced what was in front of me.  My home, my responsibilities and those things I had put off - like those stupid closets which are still only half done and god only knows where the Halloween decorations and those missing Christmas decorations are.

I became, once again, what I am.  An eccentric loner. In the past it didn't bother me too much.  I seemed pretty good most of the time, happy, smiling, loving life in the moment, and there have been an extraordinary amount of moments to love, even in my single solitary solitude.Maybe I was just lying to myself, I don't know. 

I know for a fact that I do not want to not be living on the planet.  I have so many things that I dream of doing, seeing and being - even if the time is not now. I am certain that I will figure it out - find my lost soul and some peace of mind once again.  For today I am just going to blame it on Monday!

Untitled

Division and Hate

Division and hate, isn't it great?  Every day seems to lead us further away from what we all claim to want, world peace, unity, the end of poverty.  We claim to be good people, christians, neighbors, but behind closed doors and now, more and more in the open - the masks come off.

I have only lived a half of a century.  That is not long.  Over the course of my lifetime great people have taken huge risks and some have lost their lives fighting for things which I take for granted, but for things which I do not want to lose.

I admit, I am ignorant about so much that is happening in the world and why people fight to kill other people in far off places.  My focus has been on my own battles and wars to maintain my own survival in the war of poverty and survival.  I had not real time or energy to focus on those things more than a headline in a paper as I made my way trying to make a wage to feed my family and keep a roof over my head.

I always had faith in our Government and elected officials to maintain and do what is right for "We the People".  Somewhere along the line something went askew it seems.  Add to the mix the reality of the day which is lying equals truth, real is fake and racists feeling free to walk the streets without their hoods and then thousands of people coming together to say that is not okay - not fake, so real and so necessary and uplifting.

But still the division lies.  There is no power in numbers unless those numbers are $$$$!  Corporations and Greed still are king and now it appears the division will  be increasing.  I sit in front of the television as if a great tragedy has occurred.  Bigger than 911.  I know that this is not good.  The daily drama sucks the life out of each and everyone of us as we watch this very badly orchestrated show unfold.  I wonder how this story will unfold.

I see friendships deteriorate.  People are free to be who they are, it is our right.  Is it right?  Nothing ever changes despite the fight.  This too shall pass - a new day will dawn and we will move on.  After a while this will become normal and acceptable - or it won't.  I am hoping for the best.  Moving forward with the least amount of damage not just in the United States, but in the whole world.

I am a dreamer though.  Most of the people around me and around the world want the same thing and I haven't given up hoping for  Unity and Peace!

Keep the Faith