Monday, June 29, 2015


This week was extra busy with the Assemblage Art Talk on Wednesday at the Whit, and the dismantling of the show.  It was sad to see the show go.  The Art came down and went home, or in the Colt Gallery to await pick up/delivery back to their perspective homes.

Assemblage Art Talk Kim Engel, Harry Lazare, Autumn Doyle, Philip Pryjma, Linda Morris Kelly

Harry Lazare had to come back with a caravan (three cars full) on Friday to pick up his wonderful assortment of found objects which will be happy, I am sure to be adorning the walls of his studio garage.  Walking into the Gallery with the bare walls and the echos of the Assemblage Show was somewhat haunting.

I was hoping to make it to Hudson, NY today to return the boxes to Dennis Hebert and Reggie Madison's work to him at the same time get together with Dan Rupe who is one of the artists in July's show, but Art got in the way with the installation of the July Show.

Thanks to Carrie Haddad Gallery for introducing me to and sharing some of her fabulous artists with me!  Carrie, Linden and Lena were all instrumental in helping me to contact, meet, and help me pack and get the Art ready and to encourage me and support me throughout the entire process!

I had a fun day the other day unpacking all of the paintings and sculptures which Ghazi picked up for our coming show on July 3, from 6 p.m. to 8 p,m. as part of First Friday Art Walk in Pittsfield, MA.
If you have never unpacked a bunch of Art work let me describe it to you, from my perspective any way it was like the best Christmas and Birthday rolled into one.

Since I picked the Art,  I knew what I was getting, although there were a couple of surprise landscape paintings from Leigh Palmer, just in case we couldn't pick up the 5 foot painting.  It turns out we couldn't get it here and back with ease so the surprise paintings came in very handy indeed.

Leigh Palmer

It was so exciting to see each piece close up.  Eileen Murphy's pieces are all amazing in colour and detail in real life.  Having only seen pictures I was very impressed.  They took my breath away!   They are small pieces but their impact is large.  The new painting she had finished the night before I phoned to ask her to be in the show put me near a pond in the woods, the sky so vivid, the trees so real, I swear I could almost hear a bird sing somewhere in the distance.

Eileen Murphy

It makes little difference when you open a magnificent painting which you chose and picked for a show, that you have seen it before.  Peeling tape and undoing plastic and wrapping and getting the first glimpse never gets old.  To be able to gaze at a painting, undisturbed, at ones leisure from all angles in different light, picking out colour and texture is a real pleasure for me.

Holding a sculpture in your hand that you have only looked at in a Gallery, such as Paul Katz's amazing works from his Prelude series which are in the Colt Gallery with Rick Costello's Galaxy paintings are really a sight to see.  Moving them around.  Examining them, different words popping out, catching ones eye on these marvelous mixed media pieces was a lot of fun.

Paul Katz (Shelf)  Rick Costello Painting

I had them grouped for convenience on one of the beautiful wooden pieces of furniture in the Colt room the other day so today I placed them so the room would be ready for Friday.  Moving them here and there, finding their new homes for the month.

I feel very privileged right now during this time of my life.  If I ever had time to dream and think about what I would love to do in life, for me this would be it.  Walking into a studio, looking at paintings, drawings, someone's craft which they put their heart and soul into, talking with them, listening to them talk about their work, mediums, experiences is very fulfilling to me.

There is a nervous excitement every time I pick up the phone and engage in conversation with a request of their time, a request into one of a person's most personal and sacred self - the place where they create - bring life to a canvas, a board or a re-purposed object. giving each of us the opportunity to share a part of themselves with the world,  Pittsfield and surrounding areas at least.

Offering an Artist the opportunity to Show their work over the past few months has been well received.  I am on my third show of picking Artists and work and have been placing the Art (but not hanging it) since February or so.

This is the first show that I did it all.  Contacted the Artists, set up studio visits, learned and successfully did the paperwork, picked out work, laid out the show, changed my mind, played with it some more finally getting it right, happy with the layout and let it go up.

Eyeing each piece, positioning and laying it out checking it once and then again after it goes up, checking it with each piece around it, so far so good.  The Art may not tell you where it wants to go, but it sure does let you know when it doesn't like it's spot or wall mate!

We do a theme based show, since we have a closing reception and Art Talk at the Whitney Center for the Arts on the final Wednesday of the Month with a moderator which makes it important to have a bit of diversity between artists within the theme.

We have done five Art Talks and they have all been interesting and I learn something each time about art, artists, what inspires them so many different and interesting things.  Each time a good amount of people for a Wednesday night with different faces entering the Whit and experiencing the Art and Culture Ghazi and Lisa hope to bring to the Community.

Assemblage Art and Audience Ghazi Kazmi manning the camera

I really enjoy putting my knowledge from participating in Art Walks and the local and not so local art shows and Gallery's, meeting and chatting with artists along the way over the past three years as a lover of art to good use.

It has always been a part of the experience for me to talk to Artists at shows when something they created caught my eye.  Artists love to talk as much as I do so it is a win/win situation.  It is nice have this opportunity to share what I see and like with others, as well.

When I left after hanging the show today, the walls no longer echoed the loss from the previous show, it was reborn into a whole new world of amazing and beautiful Hudson River Landscape Art. I felt somewhat like a magician, although it took a little more than the wave of a magic wand,

So if you get the chance and are in town - stop by, check out the Art, have a glass of wine or a water, nibble on some chips, have some conversation and enjoy the Show!  It opens July 3 at 42 Wendell Avenue, Pittsfield, Ma. 6-8 with an After Party from 8 to 10.

Due to the holiday we will be having a second opening on July 11 from 3 - 6 p.m.  Eileen Murphy, Leigh Palmer and Dan Rupe are all planning to be there, so be sure to mark your calendars!

Friday, June 26, 2015

Sierra (2)

Sierra - continued(2)


I pushed those thoughts aside.  They would not do me any good.  I stopped living in the past. The past always had a way of creeping in though, no matter how hard you tried.  It was inevitable.  The kicker was the timing.

Mom had only just recently come back into my life.  Sort of like a fluke, not by either of their choice.  A mutual friend to both me and  Mom, whom Mom  was visiting took matters into his own hands and rang me up while my Mom was visiting.  He  said someone wanted to talk to me and the next thing I knew I was talking to my Mom.

It was a little awkward at first, but only for a minute.  I remembered not too much of the conversation as I politely listened and responded when necessary.  Mom sure hadn't changed. Which usually turned into a problem for me in the long run.

I remember thinking that I was going to kill our mutual friend and how dead Pete was.  It was difficult to stay mad at him.   Considering how many times we conversed on the subject, and he knew how strongly I felt and the reasons why I felt that way, I felt a little hurt and betrayed.

It is hard to stay mad at someone who totally ignores the reason why you parted company and acts like you are their long lost best friend and how have you been, and great to talk to you and I miss you and on and on and on, especially when it is your Mom!

I remember my boyfriend sitting across the table from me as I talked on the phone with my Mom, knowing something was up, but not knowing what.  My stomach lurched, I remember, knowing that this great and "normal" guy, who somehow managed to love me despite being the complete opposite of him in so many ways was in no way ready for my Mom and how the thought terrified me.

Family is family, and I was brought up that family is the most important thing, next to good manners, strong values and kindness.  One thing I was, and always am is respectful, well, mostly.  It took a lot to push me over the edge and respond in a less than kind and respectful way, but when the dam breaks, it breaks and a flood of water comes rushing through.

I knew at that point that our relationship was probably doomed.  As I recalled him telling me when we first met, after I met his sons, that if his sons didn't like me then no matter how he felt about me it would be over.

It seemed fortunate to me at the time that they both seemed to like me.  I am not judgmental like that.  I have in the past sacrificed much for "Love".  I don't think I have it in me to not like someone just because someone else did not approve of them.

Then again, I was used to being judged and that was one of the causes of my deep rooted anger which I had been successfully working on modifying over the previous fifteen years when it was brought to my attention that I was one large walking angry time bomb.

I remember the interrogation as I hung up the phone.  Mom represented trouble to Frank.  I could tell by his questioning that he was already nervous and it had just been a phone call.  He knew how I felt about my Mom, that I loved her, but was not ready to talk to her.

Being forced to do so was so unfair!  The damage was done, there was no undoing it.  I would just have to do my best to keep some boundaries.  Lord knew I had spent countless hours talking the subject almost to death, with my shrink.

Having come to terms with the relationship and it's limitations and the demands under normal circumstances , a life without a person whom I had spent so long fighting to have a relationship with, to be important to and being abandoned over and over again was bad enough as a child, but as an adult it was even worse, and now that person was back and needed my help.  Life was so ironic!

Thursday, June 25, 2015


It is 11:00 p.m. Thursday.  The eve of the birth of my first grandson.  I know I should be winding down but I know myself and know that that won't be happening anytime soon.  The microwave is beeping, which means in a few minutes my tea will be steeped and I can begin to try to relax.

I am going to the hospital early, so I have to get up early.  I do not like waiting rooms and hospitals but I do like the thought of having a newborn baby, my first grandson by my eldest son, a new generation!

What a milestone!  I was fairly certain this day would never come.  My son's all swore they were not going to reproduce, and now he is soon to be the proud father of not only the most amazing daughter, but now a son!

When my son got married I remember how happy I was.  Light radiated from me.  I floated!  I was high on the Love that Love produces.  I knew my soon to be daughter in law was the woman for him. I was blessed that day, to finally have a daughter.

Happiness, true pure happiness produces an energy and it feels so marvelous!  It is an infrequent feeling in me normally.  Although I am an outwardly happy person, I have my demons and one of them is the opposite of happy, so I embrace happy and treasure it like gold.

To me, it is more valuable than gold.  I know it sounds sappy.  It is true, I am a sap, a romantic and a nature and animal lover.  What can I say, I am who I am.  A new generation in my family to pass on the family name also produces such a feeling!

My grand daughter is less than happy about this new happening.  I know that will change tomorrow. I am not worried about my little monkey girl!! She is so loved and so full of love.  I know she will love her new brother and be a huge help.

Life has been a whirlwind of change, upon change, upon change.  Life has gone from zero to 80 mph in light speed. As I sit and type and think over the past couple of months and all of the changes and activity it reminds me of days gone by thinking of the past and the future simultaneously.

I sit and count my blessings and live in the peace and grace and love of my life.  It has been a long strange trip.  The road was not always smooth and straight.  It was all worth it to get to this place and this day in this time, and this feeling!!!!

Monday, June 22, 2015


Sunday was Father's Day.  Of course I didn't even consider how or what to do for the "Father's" in my life until 9:00 p.m. on Saturday when I planned the meal in my head, spoke to Thomas about it, called Patrick and his Dad to invite them and the plan was in motion.

The most difficult thing was going to be how to get Dad in the house with the wheelchair, and making the apartment wheel chair accessible for when he was here.  Thomas assured me that between the 5 of us we could handle this task, and he was right!

I woke up on Sunday to put my plan underway.  It was a huge effort to clean and re-arrange the living room, especially taking care not to lift anything too heavy as I am recovering from a pop in my mid back from lifting the wheelchair into the car last week.

I ended up sliding the couches and big bulky chair around and for a change I only  moved the two pieces of furniture once each.  If you have ever re arranged a room you know it usually takes a couple of tries to get it right.

I didn't go crazy moving the t.v. and music and books, nor did I change the pictures around on the walls, all things I want to do, but the time was not there.  It was done enough to suit my purposes. The living room is now open, wheel chair accessible and ready for the Air Mattress when Dad comes to stay.  By the time he arrives I may actually have the room completed!

I realized that Ainsley has a ton of toys and games in my great room and I have an abundance of cookbooks from those trips to Northampton.  I need to re think the set up seriously considering where to put all of them as I am running out of shelve space!\

Between the work in the living room and the kitchen prep I entered the "Dump Zone" which is what my Dining Room is now that Richard is not here and we do not use the dining room each night for meals, only special occasions and Art.

I quickly stacked my piles of piles into one main pile and moved it to the bottom of the stairs which is the next major project after this mad rush of Art Talk and the changing of the Art from June to July begins to be upon me and all which that entails.

I still hadn't gotten in touch with Thomas's Dad so I wasn't sure if it was going to be a meal for 5 or 6, since I cook enough for a small army I wasn't worried.

I had a meeting to show the Assemblage Show to another Curator at 2:00 so I had a time goal.  I arrived at two and Judith and I had spent a wonderful hour talking Art and Life in general.  Two of my favorite subjects.

I got to meet her sweet little dog as well, who waited nicely in the shaded car in it's crate with water and toys.  The sweetest little Cocker/Bishon mix who reminded me of my sweet Leonardo who was a mini terrier poodle.  They have the same coloring, and each have the sweetest faces and smiles!

While I was out I decided to go to the market.  I opted for red potatoes and broccoli to go with my pork roast.  Searched out dessert, finding Rick's favorite Boston Cream Pie and mini cupcakes for the boys.

Of course, I still hadn't confirmed with Rick, but I spotted him outside the Church on North when I was going home and offered up the invitation knowing that he would not pass up a meal at my table. He arrived as I was waking up Thomas - who I needed to help put the master plan of getting my Dad, the Fall Risk into my house.

Rick took the ride with me to get my Dad and I utilized him to put the wheelchair in the car.  Not taking any chances, since it is my big week and I need to be on my toes and able to stand, sit, walk and move without pain.

When we returned with Dad, Thomas was awake and sitting on the stoop.  Dad decided to go up the side stairs with the two railings so while they spotted him I went in the other door and moved a chair nearby so he could sit while we got his chair in the house.  We managed pretty well on the way in for rookies.

He was happy to be in our environment after only being in the Hospital setting for six weeks now. Dad opted for the big over stuffed chair, the t.v. was turned on and Pat and Bruce arrived bearing soft drinks, knowing I only have tea in the house.

The men relaxed while I started the steamed potatoes and broccoli as the roast finished.  The roast smelled fantastic and I realized I was hungry for a change.  Always a good sign!  The table and food ready we found our seats and helped Dad up the little step into the dining room and to the table where we all enjoyed a scrumptious meal.

The trick after dinner was getting Dad down the one step.  Fortunately Bruce has wheel chair experience and once my Dad relaxed in the chair Bruce was able to do the baby stair easily and once more we headed into the comfort of the living room.

Rick left first like he normally does.  No biggie.  The core of my family was in the house.  My Dad, Pat's Dad, me and Tom and Patrick.  Always seems to be us together.  My Dad felt good and was very happy to be in the house.

We had dessert in the living room and watched the golf game and chatted (they watched golf) with Bruce's phone notifying him each time someone did something amazing in the game, which was funny, the notification just after the clapping.

I had to do a little work while they were there tying up loose ends so Ghazi, the Director of the Whitney Center of the Arts would have the list of Art Work to pick up from Hudson on Monday with his large vehicle.

I had been worried about when I did my studio visits Friday on how I was going to get three large (5 feet) paintings here, until I talked to Ghazi on Saturday who offered to pick them up since he was going there and get all of the rest of the work at the same time!

Teamwork is a marvelous thing!  Trying to remember all of the details took me an email and a couple of texts.  I had been on the phone with Linden at Carrie Haddad Gallery tying up loose ends getting her list and my list straight for the pick up Monday.  They have been wonderful assisting and bearing with me at the same time as I learn.

Soon it was time to go.  We all left at once so that we had three spotters on Dad going down the stairs.  Down is easier.  We managed much easier than in with the only exception of the car needing to be moved so Dad could get in, which was my job.

Dad made it back with 15 minutes to spare.  We went to Hugs and Mugs so he could get his coffee fix for the evening before returning him to his room just in time for his meds.  We made it home in time for a new season of True Detective and the day was a success!

I do dare to say that life is good, without fear that something will change and make it not so good!  I slept well after such a full and fun day and have been enjoying this wonderful feeling of happiness in family and in general!!!

Thursday, June 18, 2015


 I sit in the mind numbing realization that I made a left turn when I should have made a right turn.  The good news is that it forced someone else to face the reality of the choices they made.  The bad news is I have to live through the acceptance of something I already accepted but which will hurt me all over again despite already having done so.

It seems to be a recurring theme in a strange way, accepting the feelings of others which are contrary to how I feel but my feelings don't matter.  Which in the even larger picture is the over all story of my life, which for a long time I accepted unknowingly.

Now that I am, aware of it, I strive to live my life caring about myself enough to matter to at least one person, even if that one person is me and me alone.  You see, I have stood alone most of the time.  Or thought I did.

What I did not realize at the time was, and I have been silently observing this more apparently over the past two months, while experiencing this alienation from life as I know it, which was forced upon me, were the seemingly random encounters I was having on a daily and in some instances 2 or three an hour; depending on my level of emotional distress.

I do not mean apparent levels of distress. I was not walking around pulling out my hair, ranting and raving.  As a matter of fact the opposite was true.  I became involved in Garden Projects, River Clean Up, set up my schedule for volunteering.  In other words I picked up where I left off, got busy, kept distracted with positive things.

I did mourn for a period and stop eating and go over and over in my mind the whys and hows in my shock and disbelief for both of these examples of mind numbing realizations.  I got angry and then I moved on, doing the least amount of damage to myself as possible.

But the random people and encounters are the amazing and important part.  All of the sudden people from various stages of my life came forward, some of whom I have not seen in 30 years, to remind me of my strengths, goodness and value.

Just today, after the bomb fell on my life again, between walking errands and driving errands I was walking for the purpose of straightening out my back which popped out.  An old childhood friend who was always amazed and impressed when we were children in Lanesboro, how I could make myself burp and talk and burp.

I was surrounded by boys and had a brother as well, so this was not an un common thing for me to be able to do.  Up until a couple of years ago he was still asking me if I could do it, and I am sad to say, I cannot.

Any way, I sat down on the Bench and Ernie the Hot Dog guy was talking to the Attorney.  We began to talk and over the course of the conversation, he knowing my entire family I am sure, told me that my Mom was the same, my Dad was the same but I was different.

I pressed him to explain what he meant.  How, how am I different?  I asked him.  He told me, you used to be quiet and sad, now you talk and you are happy.  I thanked him and he reminded me we are friends.  We have known each other for probably over 40 years.

Tears filled my eyes as I got up to go.  As I walked away Ernie called to me.  I turned around and walked toward him, I could see the concern in his face as he noticed the tears.  Polite enough not to ask, I offered no explanation.  I just hugged him and assured him I would be back up town for the Festivities later.

I walked home in a zone I am not unfamiliar with.  When I got to the Common I dropped down to the ground on a patch of grass and just absorbed the energy of the world around me, but separate from the world around me.

I choose to be influenced by the love, peace and happiness of my zone, regardless of the outer foreign energy which is choosing to try to penetrate my zone.  Feel free and please do consider sending a good thought of healing energy my way.

jmg aka gclawdia

Friday, June 12, 2015




Sierra sat thinking about recent events in her life.  Recently it had taken on a whole new twist.  Her mother who she had been estranged from got hurt and required care and she was expected to do it, despite their almost non existent relationship.  Since her sister, Lisa, lived far away and she had no relationship with their Mother for 17 years.

Sierra loved her mother very much despite the strange relationship they had.  She grew up with her father and was not allowed to see her mother due to some issues her parents had.  Talk about strained relationship!  

Sierra was a rebel though, and despite what her Dad said, she did not feel it was right and saw her mother anyway.  They had always been close, more like friends than Mother and daughter, - most of the time.

They had gone years and years when she was a child without seeing each other, each day more painful than the next until her Mom would show up at her Grandparents house where she eagerly waited each weekend in the hopes she would show up.

When Mom did show up Sierra was the happiest little girl in the world.  She and her Gram would bake cream puffs since her Mom loved them so much.  When her Mom arrived she would have stories galore about her exciting life of adventure and travel, or so it seemed to her. 

Everyone would rejoice and the world would be alright for a little while.  Then the visit would end.  Mom would leave and I would go home to Dads.  Dad hated those times and when I returned home after seeing Mom.  I would get a heap of hate and end up in my room crying.

Finding herself caring for a parent who spent more time living their life not thinking about anyone else, not even considering the pain and heartache which her absence had caused in her heart and her soul, the feeling of worthlessness and not being good enough to be loved carried over into everything, every day of her life.

When her Mom remarried (twice) it was like she and Lisa didn't even exist.  The first time Mom remarried I was in 7th grade.  My Grand-parents picked me up just to go to the wedding.  I can;t even remember if Lisa went.  The wedding itself was at the Justice of the Peace with a huge party full of my Mom and her Dan's Biker friends, it was quite a scene.

We didn't stay long, just long enough to officially meet and greet my new Dad.  They gave me presents which I still have to this day for some strange reason.  I really liked Shaun, he was nice.
Of course it was over before it even began.  They had made an agreement that if it didn't work out in three months they would end it.  I thought that was strange, having different values than that.  Marriage to me is a contract between two people and God, not to be held so lightly.

So Mom hit the road again, or maybe she stayed nearby.  One never knew with her.  She could be right next door and you would never know it.  Then one day she would appear in my life and I would be off on a whirlwind eating up every spare minute I could spare despite the ramifications, and there were always ramifications.

Thursday, June 11, 2015


It is late Wednesday evening.  I am listening to some Blues  which I have never heard, digesting a very late meal that Thomas cooked.  I am typing fairly well on my new keyboard which got christened the other day with just enough tea with cream and sugar to make the space bar go out of control randomly.

These blues are good.  Women, and old time vintage blues.  Just the way I like them.  Sweet music and vocals, simple but so full of heartfelt emotion with wonderful horn embellishments.  It reminds me of days gone by and bye bye.

I have been busy, oh so busy.  No time to sing the blues, and no necessity which is good.  I would rather enjoy listening to the Blues than live them.  Lord knows I have had my share of the blues.

Woah ~ Etta James just kicked in with Purple Rain.  Now that is a treat.  Talk about memories...past and present!  Lord have mercy on my soul!  Talk about deep and soulful.  That guitar says it all!  I must admit that I have always been partial to guitars.  Lets not forget Etta ~ sing it, Etta!

So, I got a little side track which is usual.  It is late, as I said.  I am easily distracted.  I have had some slow days (if you can call them that), which is to say, very busy.   My Dad fell and fractured his pelvis and is in a Rehab for 8 weeks.

In addition to my own life, I have the pleasure of having a new dependent.  Each day I call and get a list of things which are needed on top of the mail.  Today Thomas joined me as we did errands before we went and kidnapped Dad for our Sunny Day Field Trips.

They began on Memorial Day.  The first day he was allowed to go out of the Nursing Home.  We signed out, rolled out the front door to the waiting car in the car port.  Dad hopped in the front seat and I spent a few minutes trying to figure out how to collapse a wheel chair.

No directions anywhere and leg rests falling off, I finally managed to fold it and Tom got it into the back of the vehicle.  I haven't had a car since 2008 when I gave up all three of mine since I was moving to a town and I will admit not thinking clearly due to the ripple effect of the depression.

I got hit hard, so it is no surprise to me that I did something as stupid as not keep a car, me the girl who has been driving since I was  16 legally and before that illegally on occasion (with adult supervision).  The girl who has had wanderlust since before knowing there was a word for it!

So, we set off on an adventure.  No destination in mind.  No shortage of places I miss driving around and knowing what would suit my Dad, I headed off to the country, to our family hometown of Lanesborough.

Over the hills and through the woods, as they say.  Bailey Road and reminiscing about the Farm and the family.  Giving Thomas a history lesson.  Thomas knowing some from drives with me, learning more as was I.

Missing days gone by, we continued down the road to the Cemetery.  Dad stayed in the car in front of his parents graves and I got out and paid my respects to all my Great Aunts, Uncles, Great Grandparents...some I knew and others I didn't.

We drove down one of my favorite roads off North Main Street which has the most beautiful flower beds and the owners still ride a horse and buggy.  Where I once found a Queen Anne's Lace as big as a Dinner plate one afternoon, I had to go back and pick and bring home since my kids thought I imagined it, on a stalk as tall as me (5.5) with bigger ones all around.

We took all of the roads- past Gram and Pop's where my Dad and his family grew up.  The house gone now.  I drove by a few years ago, not knowing it was D -day and watched as  the demolished house full of so many of my memories was scooped up and tossed in a dumpster.  Tears rolled down my face when the familiar kitchen linoleum fell out of the bucket and into the dumpster, as I sat by the apple tree next to the road.

Over Silver Street, no longer wooded forest, but littered with big houses, the road nicely grated. Showing the passage of time.  Down the hill and around the corner where the town dump, once visited weekly, replaced by garbage pick up, covered over with vent tubes sticking out like periscopes, to release toxic gasses I guess.

Still, the country.  Better to be driving through and around memory lane than stuck in a hot and sticky city full of pavement and steam.  Where the fresh cut grass doesn't smell as sweet as it does in the country.

For hours we drove, never tiring of the scenery or lacking little historical facts.  Grand father pointing out places ~ a good place to fish (around EVERY Corner) ~ becoming the joke of the day on another field trip driving around.

I swear I told my Dad that when he dies I am going to get rocks engraved with that quote and dump a little bit of his ashes around each "Good Place to Fish" spot with his name on it.  He laughed and said he would like that.  That means I had better start engraving since I will need 20 years just to engrave enough stones to cover North County!

Today, we began heading out to Lanesborough and decided to go into Hancock and intersect with New York State.  It was late afternoon and we like to look for deer.  We headed into Stephentown and then I went towards Lebanon.

I used to have Pro Status when it came to rides in that area, but I experienced an epic fail on this ride.  As it happens time will make you forget you wanted to go straight AFTER taking the left onto Rt 20 and heading back towards the Pitts.

Fortunately Rt 41 saved the day and we did a nice ride through Richmond, into West Stockbridge, Stockbridge and into Lee to go to Laurel Lake where we saw a Fisherman catch a beautiful trout.  There was also an amazing cloud with the sun trapped in it.  The light and dark effect were spectacular and I was without my camera since it was on the charger!!!!

Ah well, the sights that one must commit memory.  Times like those I wish I could paint, it would have been a masterpiece, and it was, made by whatever created everything and I thanked them for it right then and there, grateful to have been in that time and place to see it!

We decided after that to head back to Hugs and Mugs and play some more of our on going Rummy game until they threw us out to close at 8:30 (the Nurse gave us until 8:45 since we were playing). My Dad will be entering his 4th week in his new temporary residence.

He has three weeks to go before he can begin weight bearing therapy.  This Sunday he gets to cook a meal for his therapist, completing the whole thing standing on one foot.  He is busy planning his menu and is looking forward to it.

Alright, I noticed the music is over and I have been writing for a really long time.  My eyes, which were blurry before hand are even more so now.  My keyboard, however is doing okay in the not sticking arena so that is a plus!

I hope you enjoyed the music and the journey.  Click the link if you haven't and enjoy!  Peace


Monday, June 1, 2015


In the name of truth and authenticity, I think it is only fair to admit that I have been self censoring.  It is unfortunate that I feel the need to and that it is lasting this long.  I have been having some very amazing and exciting experiences over the course of the past two months.

I am somewhat ashamed to admit this behavior.  I have my reasons.  At first ~ way back when, when I stopped writing regularly due to not having my own computer (the excuse), it was for superstitious reasons.  I did not want to jinx the wonderful life I was having by sharing it  aloud (or on paper).

Then the little writing voice in my head really did shut down, as I shut down.  The fact that it was nowhere to be found frightened me more than a little.   Instead of panicking I just accepted that we all need a vacation every now and again, and my little inspirational dialogue in my head has been my constant companion for as long as I can remember remembering things.

When I finally got a new computer, the voice was hiding and I had nothing to say, as in my day to day life, being shut down and nothing to say, since anything I did say was perceived as attacking and condescending.

I was off my own schedule and was living outside of the  natural rhythm of my life.  I am not destined to have creative ideas on demand.  I tried to write in the scant time I had for myself. I managed to only distract myself with video games and email and not too much more, except for reading Tolstoy and Dostoevsky during that time.  Two goals accomplished any way, if that counts for anything at all!

Over the past couple of months I have regained my voice.  I have written a couple of poems, mostly triggered by the need to release what was going on in my life so it didn't completely poison my very soul.

I have been so extremely busy observing just how wonderful the Universe was when I was recovering from one of the greatest and unexpected shocks of my life.  The Universe was so kind in putting people in my path whom I haven't seen, or who aided in offering me opportunities to get involved in gardening and volunteering to do River Clean Up, just to name a couple.

As I adjusted, I listened closely as my brain reactivated itself back to my normal mindset.  It is such a pleasure to feel inspired to write.  I still have not regained my drive and need to write everyday yet.  I am not discouraged.   

The Universe also decided to give me more responsibility, two fold, neither of my two new interests are chores, but both require a great deal of time and energy.  As everyone knows, writing also takes time, but a girl has got to sleep as well.

Since my new obligations both arrived at about the same time of each other I am still working out the bumps and adapting my life to these things.  I am confident that I am up for each of the tasks.  As I get secure and stop self censoring I will share them with you.

For now that is all you get!

Have a wonderful day and thank you!