Thursday, May 21, 2015


I feel like I have lived 10 years in the past two months!  This weeks feels a year long and it is only Thursday as well.  This is not how time flows in my life normally.  There have been so many highs and lows, ups and downs, confusion, peace and more confusion.

Throughout it all I have been doing my level best to remain calm, not react, live in a place of acceptance despite limited understanding in most cases.  I have looked inside myself hard and long, examined more closely my wants, needs and desires.

I have been hard on myself and I have been kinder to myself.  I have been walking through these past two months with my eyes wide open in order to see what is in front of me.  I ran into a wall, found I didn't have the strength to climb over and went around instead.

I accepted rejection as gracefully as I could (which was pretty darn amazing), embraced acceptance and love of my self with a little bit of help from those around me ~ those I know well and those I hardly know.

My cup was empty and I let the universe fill it up once again.  I accepted the light instead of running back into the safety of darkness.  I bit my tongue, I faced my fears and I shed three tears ~ one for you, one for me and one for what would never be.

I was pushed out and pulled back in.  I am now in a place looking for the grace of god to comfort me. Allow me to believe there is a place for me.  Partial doubt trys to embrace me and I am trying to shake it free trying to believe in me and my ability.

I walk alone as I know I should.  Content with my life and doing some good.  Still burdened to a degree but know that I have what it takes inside of me to do what I can. Moving forward has always been my main plan.

I don't know what lies ahead on my path.  The journey is longer than my sight can see.  I only know I am not finished with the world, and I am sure it is not finished with me!

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