Monday - one of my favorite days Usually! Note the capital 'U'. I have lived through the day without telling anyone off or killing anyone and only have a slight sliver of a desire not to be on this planet AT ALL regardless of anyone or anything.
It hasn't helped my attitude any - pain, lack of good sleep, top it off with a dose of outside bullshit and I am over the top ready to take flight. Fleeing is not a new thought. It has been one of my constant companions since I was pre teen. I am well beyond those years.
Before the days when I was old enough to flee, I fled into books, words, stories. Reading, writing, listening and learning. Escape was just a page away. I have many pages under my belt and no doubt a zillion more words to read.
I made a choice to stop writing a couple of years ago when things went sideways in my life, two unrelated, yet related events. Since, at times I do care about how others would perceive me, through my words and with my pain, disappointment and anger, I decided to focus on healing myself a different way and mourn the loss of such a fun and Great time I had been having by catching up on the things I had been neglecting in my all consuming life at that time.
It was slow going. That was fine. I was not on a deadline. One more episode (two really) to process. I embraced what was in front of me. My home, my responsibilities and those things I had put off - like those stupid closets which are still only half done and god only knows where the Halloween decorations and those missing Christmas decorations are.
I became, once again, what I am. An eccentric loner. In the past it didn't bother me too much. I seemed pretty good most of the time, happy, smiling, loving life in the moment, and there have been an extraordinary amount of moments to love, even in my single solitary solitude.Maybe I was just lying to myself, I don't know.
I know for a fact that I do not want to not be living on the planet. I have so many things that I dream of doing, seeing and being - even if the time is not now. I am certain that I will figure it out - find my lost soul and some peace of mind once again. For today I am just going to blame it on Monday!
It hasn't helped my attitude any - pain, lack of good sleep, top it off with a dose of outside bullshit and I am over the top ready to take flight. Fleeing is not a new thought. It has been one of my constant companions since I was pre teen. I am well beyond those years.
Before the days when I was old enough to flee, I fled into books, words, stories. Reading, writing, listening and learning. Escape was just a page away. I have many pages under my belt and no doubt a zillion more words to read.
I made a choice to stop writing a couple of years ago when things went sideways in my life, two unrelated, yet related events. Since, at times I do care about how others would perceive me, through my words and with my pain, disappointment and anger, I decided to focus on healing myself a different way and mourn the loss of such a fun and Great time I had been having by catching up on the things I had been neglecting in my all consuming life at that time.
It was slow going. That was fine. I was not on a deadline. One more episode (two really) to process. I embraced what was in front of me. My home, my responsibilities and those things I had put off - like those stupid closets which are still only half done and god only knows where the Halloween decorations and those missing Christmas decorations are.
I became, once again, what I am. An eccentric loner. In the past it didn't bother me too much. I seemed pretty good most of the time, happy, smiling, loving life in the moment, and there have been an extraordinary amount of moments to love, even in my single solitary solitude.Maybe I was just lying to myself, I don't know.
I know for a fact that I do not want to not be living on the planet. I have so many things that I dream of doing, seeing and being - even if the time is not now. I am certain that I will figure it out - find my lost soul and some peace of mind once again. For today I am just going to blame it on Monday!
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