Wednesday, May 25, 2016


Happy Spring!!!

We finally have had more than rain, with a bit of sun and warm temperatures the past couple of days.  I was getting worried.  I still am not confident enough to leave my little seedlings out on the porch over night, even with the windows closed so I have been transporting them to and fro.

I am excited.  After last year when I wished my garden wouldn't grow out of hate and spite for the person I was "supposedly" growing it with, but like that farce, my garden shriveled before it even began.  It really didn't have one iota of a chance.

I was too busy any way with my Dad fracturing his pelvis and being in a Nursing Home for a couple of months and me springing him daily with his wheelchair and taking many road trips around the county and neighboring states.

Scoping out artists, going to shows, curating shows, I am thankful to have had the winter to settle in, maybe a little too comfortably, to my own life which is wonderful without any enhancements, but you know me, I am all about making each day as good as possible, even and especially when it is not a good day.

I did dabble in a couple of Art shows over the winter to ease the pain of my exile.  Thanks to Sean Mc Cusker and Scott Cooper - each of them seemed to know and call on me just when I was getting ready to say Fuck Art and fuck everything.

I had already missed Fall because I was wishing for the seclusion.  Of actually having a reason not to leave the house.  I was in such a hurt and angry place.  All winter long I wrestled with demons which were not mine, trying to cope with such cruel and unusual treatment from people whom I expected nothing from, but got a whole pile of shit to deal with just from that.  I am not ashamed to say that I was hurt beyond comprehension but not as hurt as I have ever been in my life, so it was nothing really.

Real is real.  I did my best to contain my negative feelings at such snobbish and rude behavior and not say one word.  Overlooking the looks which were so familiar in my childhood and school days was not so easy.  Pain is pain! I did quite well holding my tongue, keeping my evil in check.  But how I missed writing!!  Unable to put a word to paper has been the most tragic of things.

Last week I actually said I wasn't going to write for another year at least, but alas, I am a liar.  For some reason today what I want got shoved out of the way.  I am surprised.  I have looked at a blank page every day for all of this time, tried, and walked away.  Unable to write another day!!  How very wonderful for me!!!  Hip, hip, hooray!!

Seriously, though, I am digging having some more balance restored.  Since I have been away, so many changes have taken place, aside from my self imposed hibernation and alienation as I try to make myself want to leave my home and my comfort zone.

My little bubble.  What a grand place.  I forgot how nice it is here.  Surrounded by all of my lovely life, on the shelves and walls, echoing throughout the years, good and bad.  Some objects make me smile and some produce tears.  They are mine and not to be taken lightly, my storers of memories I no longer remember.  Ripped out of my head like they never even happened.  Too painful to recall, these objects ARE me.

They wrap me in security and peace.  Like talisman and charms.  Each book, each page turned by my hand at some point in my long life of reading.  The first book I wrote my name in for the first time, all crooked and scrawling across the cover.  The beginning.

Today I sit in peace.  The sun has seeped most of the hate and anger out of me.  A few more days I may be good.  I will probably not even notice it's departure.  I for one will be happy for it to leave me.  One negative breeds one hundred in no time.  Negative equals cancer in my book - a death sentence to be sure, one step down the rabbit hole and it is a long climb back up!!

I have been keeping busy since "I have a lot of interests" as Monkey Girl pointed out on her last visit. She is correct.  I do, and I have picked up another one thanks to her.  Actually, her 9th Birthday Party to be more specific.

She always has the most amazing themed birthday parties.  Her Mom makes the most amazing desserts and is very creative in the decorating arena.  This year she is having an Art Party.  I had nothing to do with the idea of it, but I am sure that I influenced it, as she has influenced me by being my little Art Muse who got me started creating again,  I was excited when she told me!

She wanted to paint on canvas so I called dibs on Canvas supplying.  I knew they would spend a fortune on Canvas alone, forget everything else.  I went to one of my Art Supply Catalogs and was delighted to see that the more you purchased the less it was, so I ordered 20 - more than enough for the party since there are always more adults than kids and I am not sure how many of those adults would even participate, besides me and Tom (of course).

So you would think 20 would be enough, but when you are me, and I am, you have to play. I have wanted to paint on canvas for more than 30 years but I am a coward.  I admit it.  I paint on paper, I paint ceramics, I draw, I write, but it took my little Monkey Girl to give me the nudge I needed, that is what Muse's do - isn't it?

Needless to say, one fine Friday evening Tom, Ains (aka Monkey Girl) and I were having a sleepover and after baking some cookies after dinner we broke out the Canvas and the paint and the jar of brushes, made up some palates out of plastic lids and got some water to clean our brushes and we painted.  It was so much fun!!

So much so that the next morning after our traditional Pancake breakfast we painted some more.  A couple of days later Tom got me sitting down painting some more and then we got my Dad painting a couple of weeks after that!

Needless to say I had to order more canvas, so I ordered a bunch more and a whole huge set of paints which also came with some 4X4 canvas, which were a lot of fun to do as well.  I was running out of craft paint and there was a 58% off sale which was just what the doctor ordered.  The party is Sunday, so I can't wait!!!  If all of my negativity hasn't left me by then, that day will surely sweep the rest of it away!  I am looking forward to it!!

Now that I have written my first "normal" blog post in over a  year - and not even touching the tip of the iceberg - it is time for me to save some for another day - a nice fudge sundae cup awaits my attention.



  1. Love it Jen. Be sure to fill us in on the art party, maybe with some real time commentary!

  2. Great read as always I can't wait to her about the art party !!! maybe my Grandkids will do something like that lol but right now they are more interested in things on tv.