Monday, November 6, 2017

CLIMBING BACK IN THE SADDLE

Another Monday.  I am sitting waiting for my heating pad to heat up in the microwave.  It is one of the few things, aside from some non narcotic self medicating which works. I still don't know exactly what is wrong.  The only thing I get from my primary is 'everything is connected' - which she hates when I mirror that back to her.

She hasn't ordered a test for what ails me, but I am happy to report that I don't have breast cancer, and the colon cancer test I passed up four times over two visits has been scheduled, or should I say attempted to be unscheduled.

Fuck - diagnose what I came to you for - not some other issue that I don't really want to address on any level thank you very much!

Deja Vu - repeat of 2014 - reached out to my neurosurgeon, just under the three year cut off of not being a patient anymore, by a month and a couple of days- by the hair of my chinny chin chin to rob a saying.  Peace of mind at the ordering of an MRI to be diagnosed. 

Why do I have to reach out to one of the few doctors on the planet that I know, despite being further away, to find some doctoring and some compassion?   I need the compassion less, but it is a vicious cycle.  Take it back to 1999/2000 for that matter when I arrived in the place which I am once again when my problem was new and I was being told I didn't have a problem, or nerve damage for that matter.

I seriously do not know where I would be today if not for that medical intervention.  I find it kind of sickening to be sure.  I miss the days when doctors doctored and you didn't have to beg for help with words and tears to get help.

I don't know what I will do when he retires.  I think I will be screwed.  I don't see health care being any more patient friendly as time goes on with the way this administration is taking things.  The scale is tipped for poor people like myself.

I have been working very hard and am succeeding somewhat in my credit restoration project.  It is the one of the only silver lining in the previous three years of anger and isolation.  I am getting too comfortable with it in a way but everything is going to plan.

It's all about the balance - keeping the balances in good balance. My trick is to pay 2 or three times the minimum amount due back.  My new goal is to get lower interest credit cards to replace these initial credit cards, get the balances down and get a pre approval amount for a car and stop all this walking.  Winter is coming...it always seems to do that, come back, that is.

I am trying to not make any mistakes, my fault or just by bad timing, like when I refinanced my home and the 2008 crash happened.  If I had not done that I would still be in my wonderful little world all nice and cozy sitting by the fire as the river trickles by and the baby deer come down to the river in the morning for water....a vague memory in the land of Jen, not forgotten, never.

I have read more than one reference to the auto loan industry being the next housing market crash, so needless to say, I am a bit hesitant.  If anyone can pick the wrong time to do something, it would be this girl and I don't know if I could pull this recovery thing out of a hat again like I did this past time, nor would I want to.

I am also happy to see that my brain and my fingers are working together again.  I thank you for your continued reading and slightly feel the need to apologize for the past two blog posts that were warm ups.  I do my writing like I do my art and that is with no idea what is going to fill the page.  It is all random. 

I have been busy with 'research' which in the beginning was power watching enormous amounts of series of all sorts in the name of 'getting ideas' or examining other styles.  Then of course is my latest obsession which has been keeping up with the campaign against America.  I have a zillion thoughts on that, but I don't want to freak anyone out, nor do I want to drive anyone away.

That said, I am glad to be back in form.  With any luck and perseverance I will get back in the swing of things and writing interesting content for you to read on a regular basis.  Thanks again to all of my faithful followers and welcome to any new folks who take the time to read the rantings.

Time to micro the heating pad and see what has been going on in the world until T is ready to hang out -

peace 

No comments:

Post a Comment