Sunday, November 23, 2014


Being an addict is difficult.  I must confess, although some of you know this about me, it may come to a surprise to a lot of you to learn that I have a huge addiction.  I didn't plan on it, it just kind of happened.

One day I was an average single parent.  Raising my three sons, living my life, working 60 to 80 hours a week.  I was up at 6:30 a.m. and worked non stop at my family, my job and keeping a very neat and orderly home and going to bed around 1:00 a.m. each and every night and waking up and doing it all over again, day in and day out.

That all changed.  The funny thing is that when everything changed for me I had a premonition five minutes before and then boom ~ be careful what thoughts you think since they just may come true.
My life changes occurred when I was pulling out of my driveway.  I had done this numerous times, as a passenger since fourth grade and then as a driver since the age of 16.  We used to joke about getting hit occasionally and I am surprised that it took so long for an accident to happen at the top of our driveway which was on the end of a street connecting to a major route.

One minute I was driving a car length and a half to the stop sign, the highway was all clear when I started and then out of nowhere I was hit halfway to the stop sign and my car was being pushed thirty feet down the road.

I remember looking at the driver of the car as my car was being pushed and thinking 'You can put your brakes on anytime now, during my non carnival ride experience, when she finally hit her brakes and I came to a stop in front of my neighbors house and almost to my mailbox which was on a pole across the street from their house.

My car got banged up a little my body a little bit more so as it had taken the impact of the force of being hit on the drivers side between my front wheel and my door, hitting my head and getting whiplash in the process.

I spent the next few hours in the hospital and the next few years getting treatment through the Pain Clinic, taking medicine and doing as much as possible to get my life back.  The pain took over my life and the medicine made my brain more fuzzy than it did to control the pain.

I quickly went from a person capable of doing anything that I wanted and needed to do with a type A personality to having many limitations and a fuzzy brain to boot, losing my talent of naming songs within three notes along with being able to focus, concentrate and put sentences together properly.
I could not deal with that so in my spare time (of which I had ample quantities) I began to play games to improve my small motor and brain function.  I had recently gotten a computer so my choices were unlimited as to what I could access and I remember developing quite a routine playing time management games and doing research.

My children have been gamers for many years before my accident, me not so much.  My time being a gamer, I thought, was different from theirs until recently. Sure, I liked my time on the Internet and I use it to distract myself from pain now that I am not taking medicine (and haven't since 2008).
My pain didn't go away.  My problem didn't go away either.  I use video games to distract myself from excessive pain and boredom.  My life is fuller now and my brain thinks in a straight line once more but I still use video games to keep sharp.

The problem seems now to be that the limited time I have on the computer since my computer has been broken for a few months and I have to share my sons computer when he is not using it, I now spend a majority of my time keeping up with games that I used regularly which makes it seem like that is all I do.

My problem has caused me to lose friends (on Facebook) who are not gamers and who do not understand the use of said platform to distract myself with my video games when I have the limited opportunity to solve my puzzles, feed my virtual dogs, earn my gold and beat people who are ahead of me.

I have developed a serious competitive side which I have never had before and strive to get higher scores than my teammates.  True, I used to be on longer and space out my game postings but life isn't perfect and my recent surgery has left me with less ability, some more pain, writers block and limited focus leading me not to get a working computer up and running.

I could be addicted to pain medication but I am not.  I could be addicted to booze and drugs, but I am not.  No ladies and gentlemen,  my name is Jennifer and I am a video game addict.

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