I am in Somers Connecticut, at the beautiful home of my brother and his wife to be closer to the hospital for an early neck surgery in the morning. It has been a long wait up until this point to make it to the night before surgery. The food is ready when I make it home, the house is clean and the plants are watered. I am more than ready for it to be time to go under the knife and relieve some of this pain and pressure that I have been experiencing, which I thought was just normal pain from my injury 15 years ago.
My brother has lived in this beautiful home for more than 10 years with his wife and I have never been here before this. Our lives do not intersect too much due to distance and time getting away from us. The love is there though and I am most thankful to have such an amazing brother who really comes through for me when I need him. Being a strong woman, that isn't often, but when I asked for his help this time he did not hesitate to come and get me after a full days work. His wife had a delicious dinner ready for us when we arrived home, despite not being able to eat herself due to some health issues she has been experiencing lately with surgeries of her own planned. The love and kindness has just been amazing and I am most grateful to them for their love and support!
Finding out over a month ago my pain was more serious than just normal wear and tear was a huge shock to me. The past month and some weeks have led me down an interesting road to say the least. Going through a wide array of mixed up and confusing emotions and experience over the course of that time, being asked to write reviews for the Whitney Center for the Arts, along with finding (dare I say) Love along the way have all been new and wonderful experiences for me.
Love and support seems to be seeping out of the woodwork for me lately. During this months First Friday Artwalk, everywhere I turned my dear, sweet and wonderful Art World friends had words of support and encouragement for me at every stop I went. It was almost too much for me to accept. I am so amazed by it. It is such a wonderful feeling to feel genuine love and support when you have mainly been recognized only for your failures instead of your accomplishments.
Though it is late and I have to get up at 4:30 in the morning to arrive at the hospital for the first one in the operating room (less germ exposure ~ I will take that!) I felt the need to write and share before this day is through. I have said goodbye to my family and friends and told them I love them (just in case) and would like to thank you, my readers, for your part in my evolution. Without you along on my journey, I am not sure if I would have been writing and continuing to write, which has led me to gain confidence in myself, develop some skill and open my mind a bit further each and every time I write. I even submitted my last review to the Berkshire Eagle for consideration of publication (fingers crossed!)
Recently I took the opportunity to look back at the first blogs I wrote and they are by far a joke to me now. Simple and silly compared to now (although at times they are still silly). The dedication to writing, although I do not write every day like I used to, mainly because I am out living life and gaining experiences in order to have stuff to write about, the confidence which has grown in my writing and in my social development as well are all becoming natural to me.
It has taken many years to get to this point, more confident with a real smile instead of a mask with a smile painted on, hiding the pain which I could not even face myself, which today I do face full on (with nudges here and there), which I couldn't and wouldn't have done on my own. To fully live an authentic life brings with its own rewards, which I seem to be reaping in abundance, so much so that I pinch myself frequently to ensure that I am not dreaming!
Though I am scared about tomorrow, I know that I am not alone. I am sure all will go well, but I just wanted to thank you all for being here on this journey with me. Your views, comments and support have meant so much to me! To be inspired and to inspire others is something which I do not take lightly, so thanks for the inspiration and the universal love ~ may it come back to you all a hundred fold!
Time for p.j.'s and a few pages before I sleep ~ Good night and god bless!