Wednesday, June 11, 2014


Why did I ever say outloud that life was good and I was happy?  I knew I was just asking for it, putting it out in the air like that, acknowledging a good feeling.  Curses on me, roll the dice, overnight things just have a way of changing it seems!

I felt it coming, deep down inside, the dice, about to be shaken, rolled and thrown.  What will the final outcome be?  I shall have to wait and see.  It makes me sad, I must say when life tries to take my happiness away!

As the day progresses I realize some more, the negative forces permeating my air.  I must have know it was on its way since I chose today to roast a turkey, the ultimate in comfort foods.  Although the rain is making it impossible for me to attain my goal of reaching the market for veggies, turkey and a nice gravy will do nicely to achieve a higher state for me.

Listening to some Low Down Delta Blues to get me through, I would rather listen to than have the blues.  Trying not to let a friends pain and hurtfulness bring me down.  Looking forward and not behind.  I can only control my actions and be true to myself.

I know I have not done anything to cause this conflict. I can only pray that the person feeling the pain, when they should be happy and await the day that the conflict goes away. I cannot accept responsibility for something that I have no part in.

Life is funny.  Ha, Ha, I am laughing.  I really am, despite my nose being a little bent out of whack.  Nice people being mean are not my scene.  Supportive I will always be, but not at the expense of me.  If there is one thing I have learned is to not willingly or knowingly be the doormat!

On the bright side, as I write, the sky is clearing and my tea is ready, so I am good.  One thing about Delta Blues is they are upbeat, and I am dancing in my chair as I type away.

I  have been making progress, I really cannot afford to let others downfalls bring me down.

After I left my doctors on Monday, I looked up my old Neurosurgeon and got info so that I could go see him.  After speaking during the appointment with my Primary I prepared her for the fact I was calling him and to let her know that he usually requires a current MRI, which was very accurate still.

My Primary's new Nurse was quick to order an MRI for Monday, although it was very early (7:15 a.m.) I took it knowing they needed the MRI before they would send the referral if the doctor required an MRI.  All very confusing and technical.

Since I knew that Dr. Kaye was booking for the beginning of July I suffered through the early morning MRI.  I learned one thing that was very important during that MRI which is I cannot lie on my back for 18 minutes in a row without moving without causing a lot of pain in my back and my fingers on my right hand to go numb.

Since I am being aggravated without overdoing it lately I think it is pretty important to see the guy that I know seriously knows his spine/neuro and I trust him.  He was my miracle worker once.  I cannot afford to not be able to walk 10 steps and seize up or be broken for days for no reason, so I am out to find the reason.

I know the reason, I have lived with it for 13 years now.  I just want to prolong being less functional.  I hate having limits and strive to live within my limits and still have a life.  Since I walk more than the normal person I can't afford to have that as a limited capability.

I have managed to plant 19 green peppers.  Today was the day I was hoping to plant the jalapenos but it is not a planting day at all. Maybe not a store day either, as I look out the window and the rain still isn't letting up!

My  four sunflower plants are doing nicely now that they are in the ground and the two are not overshadowing the other two.  The avocado is so close to cracking through the top of the pit with it's green stalk it will be in dirt in no time and the pineapple plant not only has some serious roots growing, it is growing new leaves out of the top of it!!!

I did scorch the spider plant on the porch and that is kind of in shock.  I have moved it back to it's place in the dining room hoping it will recover.  Fingers crossed, although I have a few of the babies I saved rooting and with luck they will survive if the mom doesn't.

I did manage to create a pretty cool new media which I am almost finished with.  My only regret is that I did not think to set up the walls behind before I got it together, so now I have to take the t.v. down and move the set up to get behind it.

I also need to add one more storage area for all of the cassettes.  I had a blast yesterday listening to some music I haven't seen since the c.d.'s were under the table behind the couch and not really easy to go through. This is going to work out much better indeed for music and video games and d.v.d's although we don't have too many of those.

Not a one person job unless I take the t.v. down and Thomas is at his brothers for a couple of days.  They are coming for turkey (fingers crossed) if Pat feels better.  He woke up vomiting this morning so who knows how that will play out.

I am going to continue to count my blessings, but I am thankful for the turkey, ironically from my friend in pain who is causing me pain, ironic in a way, they will cause me sorrow and comfort all at once.  That makes me giggle because it is the story of my life.

I accept it, however, all in good faith that it will all be good once again on all planes instead of just on most.  I have some good ideas coming too me, just not writing too much as you (ahem) may have noticed.  I have nothing but what would sound like excuses once again, so I am just going to be thankful I was able to write down a few words today and ease my brain and think happier thoughts along the way!

It is barely sprinkling, my tea is gone and I am going to dash to the market really quick before it rains for real again!  Wish me luck ~ maybe a good cleansing rain is what I need anyway ~ it has been too long since my last one!

Enjoy your day and here is to Turkey!

No comments:

Post a Comment