Monday, June 1, 2015


In the name of truth and authenticity, I think it is only fair to admit that I have been self censoring.  It is unfortunate that I feel the need to and that it is lasting this long.  I have been having some very amazing and exciting experiences over the course of the past two months.

I am somewhat ashamed to admit this behavior.  I have my reasons.  At first ~ way back when, when I stopped writing regularly due to not having my own computer (the excuse), it was for superstitious reasons.  I did not want to jinx the wonderful life I was having by sharing it  aloud (or on paper).

Then the little writing voice in my head really did shut down, as I shut down.  The fact that it was nowhere to be found frightened me more than a little.   Instead of panicking I just accepted that we all need a vacation every now and again, and my little inspirational dialogue in my head has been my constant companion for as long as I can remember remembering things.

When I finally got a new computer, the voice was hiding and I had nothing to say, as in my day to day life, being shut down and nothing to say, since anything I did say was perceived as attacking and condescending.

I was off my own schedule and was living outside of the  natural rhythm of my life.  I am not destined to have creative ideas on demand.  I tried to write in the scant time I had for myself. I managed to only distract myself with video games and email and not too much more, except for reading Tolstoy and Dostoevsky during that time.  Two goals accomplished any way, if that counts for anything at all!

Over the past couple of months I have regained my voice.  I have written a couple of poems, mostly triggered by the need to release what was going on in my life so it didn't completely poison my very soul.

I have been so extremely busy observing just how wonderful the Universe was when I was recovering from one of the greatest and unexpected shocks of my life.  The Universe was so kind in putting people in my path whom I haven't seen, or who aided in offering me opportunities to get involved in gardening and volunteering to do River Clean Up, just to name a couple.

As I adjusted, I listened closely as my brain reactivated itself back to my normal mindset.  It is such a pleasure to feel inspired to write.  I still have not regained my drive and need to write everyday yet.  I am not discouraged.   

The Universe also decided to give me more responsibility, two fold, neither of my two new interests are chores, but both require a great deal of time and energy.  As everyone knows, writing also takes time, but a girl has got to sleep as well.

Since my new obligations both arrived at about the same time of each other I am still working out the bumps and adapting my life to these things.  I am confident that I am up for each of the tasks.  As I get secure and stop self censoring I will share them with you.

For now that is all you get!

Have a wonderful day and thank you!


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