LIVING FREE

LIVING FREE

I choose to be me

What you see is who I be

So much more I have stored inside

Not to hide - I run deep

I choose not to hide 

the parts you might not like

to please and honor you

that is not what I do

Not from a lack of caring

It is sometimes very daring

to be yourself even if others find it glaring

Misunderstood?  It is all good!

I live free from the pain of rejection

Sometimes I get blamed for not playing the game

but if it is all the same to you

To myself I will remain true

Choosing to be me

curious, free, laughing see,

running and playing, teaching and

reaching some place in most I meet

Smiling, as I greet each face the same

Even those who cause me shame

trying not to blame

Conflicted I sometimes am

between what is in my heart and what it is I see

Often choosing to believe what I want to believe

Knowing it is not true, causing me to be blue

When reality seeps through

Happy when I do make a connection true

touching the human side of me, of you,

since not all choose to be who they really are

Putting on a charade until once more they fade

back into the shadows of their lives. 

You see them there

they look vacant in their stare

startled when they see the human side

in anybody

I refuse to be one of those you see

repelled by all that is real

hoping not to deal with what it is they see

To live in misery is not how I choose to be,

Pain, I release thee from my heart

I know it won't be easy 

At times I will feel bad

especially when others are  mad

about the choices that I make

I refuse to be fake

For somebody else's  sake

just to make life easier for you

That is not who I am

If you know and love me you will 

accept and understand.

If it is not to be, it is not to be

I am sure I will accept your choices 

more than you will accept mine

It happens often over and over it seems.

MEN AT PLAY

"...bulldozer in the house"
 <static>...."construction (scramble, static)
 noises filled my ears through the phone.

I didn't know whether to hang up and check the number or run away from home.
I could not imagine that I had heard correctly.
Why on Earth would there be a bulldozer in the house?  I wondered and decided not to phone back.
I was glad to be 1000 miles away from whatever catastrophe was going on back home!

She checked her watch.  It was only 3 p.m. back home.  She decided she would call after 5:00
everyone knew that most laborers were in the bars by 5:00.  That would give her time to regroup
and time for Stephen to answer her questions.

She really hoped she had heard incorrectly and was almost certain that they would both
be laughing by 5:05!  Tick tock went the clock and her imagination as she waited.

MAYHEM

"Lets break some bad guys heads" Trevor shouted to the crowd around him.  Riots had broken out all around them.  They were supposed to be the law, but at this moment the only law around was the law of the streets.

People gathered in crowds, throwing things at windows to gain access or just to diminish the rage they felt.  The energy of the crowd was like electricity in the air.  Survival was the key.

Trevor looked around and saw members of this once calm and tranquil community, he recognized the cashier at the market, the librarian, the teacher, even the preacher was in the street.  These were reasonable people, pushed beyond their limits for far too long.

The time for talking was over, soon, if something wasn't done, scenes like these would be common everywhere.  Something had to be done on a larger scale, and more productively than riots!

IMAGINE

Picture if you can a red balloon - 

floating in the sky, getting rather high

   Soaring above your head, bouncing and carefree. 

Imagine how it feels to rise 

 passing above trees and mountain peaks, 

soaring ever higher in the jet stream 

so far in the sky that you can no longer see,

How do you feel as you watch the balloon sail 

high above your head bright red?

   Do you feel light and free, 

riding on that breeze, 

high above the trees, 

carefree?

Can you imagine the view?  

Climbing as you do,

 higher than the mountain tops 

See the people?  See the trees?  

The cars buzz around the roads like bees. 

What a dizzying height!

Soon,

 they are ants, 

strain as you might.

How wondrous and carefree would it be?

 to be a balloon floating free 

in a sky of blue.

The clouds like fluffy cotton

 all around you!  

Can you imagine? 

 Can you see?

 How wondrous it could be?

TOURIST OF A DIFFERENT KIND

 I knew something was not right, I was cold, I  reached for my blanket to pull it closer around me and try to fall back into the dream I had been having, without opening my eyes, wondering where the wind was coming from.

For some reason, my comforter wasn't within reach and I cursed inside. I opened my eyes.  The first thing I noticed was that I was not at home in my bed.  The second thing that I noticed was that I was not even inside.

I jumped internally as, looking around I realized  I was atop the Brooklyn Bridge!  What a great view, I thought.  The sun was just beginning to rise and it looked amazing! My second thought was - what am I doing UP HERE!!!

I wasn't just on the Brooklyn Bridge -  you know, the safe part where the cars drive - I was up much higher than that. The cars looked like Matchbox Cars below me.  My third thought was of panic.  I am afraid of heights - not being up high, but getting down and I was, at the moment paralyzed with fear.

I tried not to panic.  Panic would not help anything at this moment except maybe a quick ride down - but that wasn't the landing I was looking for!  I had an internal freak out for a minute, then focused on lowering my heart rate and getting a grip.

How could I be on the Brooklyn Bridge?  The last thing I remembered I was 200 miles away from NYC, yet, here I was, sitting with a birds eye view of the City with absolutely no idea how I got there, why I was there, or how I was going to get down.

I noticed I had a slight headache and a funny, tinny taste in my mouth.  Then I noticed a pin prick on my arm - so I had been drugged, oh great!  I sat and adjusted to my surroundings. 

At least I wasn't tied up or handcuffed.  Still, I was on top of the Brooklyn Bridge, that was more than enough of a problem.  I tried to stand up, but each time I did I felt dizzy, from the height or the drugs still in my system I wasn't sure.  I quickly sat down and tried to abate my fear.

I thought climbing down from a roof was tricky, how in the world was I going to manage something higher than a house?  I rationalized that someone would see me and send help.  I sat where I was and held on to that thought for about an hour as I watched the city wake up.  

Traffic below me got denser and denser as people headed off to their jobs and school.  I saw a boat approaching in the water far away, it too looked like a toy.  Maybe a helicopter would come by and notice me up there, I thought.

Doesn't anyone look up in this city?  I wondered.  

WHERE IT ALL BEGAN

I found a typewriter- it seems so long ago.  It was on a site called Glipho.  It was the beginning of my fun, writing challenge number 1.  150 Words is all you could use,. a short phrase to lead you - challenge you to write.

This icon in my present, reminded me of my past.  Typing on this relic was how I got along.  Short stories and fantasy filled a huge need.  I loved my old typewriter.  Clacking away night and day.  Sitting in my room typing by the light of the moon.

Tonight, this icon was resurrected once again.  Glipho may be gone, but this much loved typewriter is here today, a short phrase guides my way.  "I found a typewriter" seems right on time to remind me of the person whom I used to be, waiting to be set free, encouraging, guiding and awaking the writer in me.