Monday, October 22, 2012


I am so flooded with memories from the past it is tripping me out a little bit!  I have been looking at pictures for a couple of days now, since Sunday, after the visit with my son and his family.  They give me more to process and filter and remember. Each batch a different time, a different life.  That is the trippy part!  All of the different times and lives.  The memories I have lost when I put everything away.  They come flooding back, good - bad and in- between.  The effects on the lives of those around me. Way to overwhelming to process all at once.

On the other side of the coin, spending time with my sons and new daughter in law and grand daughter and the renewal of spirit and peace and connection that it brought me is most fulfilling!  Although it may not have seemed it to my children, they were always the primary binding force in my life.  Whether I was with them, or working to provide for them, or letting them grow and evolve they were the air that I breathed and the sun in my face!

They are the core of my essence.  My family, my spirit, my heart, which is why the separation anxiety and empty nest syndrome is so difficult for me!  I need my children!   They know me pretty well.  We don't have too many secrets from each other.  Wise, or not, not sure yet.  At least a phone call!  Most parents cant wait to get rid of their kids - why? how?.

When they were younger, Jeff would wander off for weekends or longer visiting friends, Patrick and Tom would go to Bruce's and I would spend countless hours by myself filling my time with endless car rides through the Berkshires, music blaring, back roads, mountain tops, reservoirs, you guys from here know what I am talking about!  I would carry a camera and pull over when I saw a shot with the light just right....nothing like the Berkshires, it has got to be one of the most photogenic places on the planet.  I was okay with that.  They were developing, forming, growing and evolving.  They always came home.

When we moved to New Ashford it was home.  Jeffrey did not come nearly enough.  Patrick and Tom rarely left.  Home was good.  A comfortable, warm and friendly place!  Everyone was welcome!  Our family was large.  Life was good!  It is nice to have the spirit of home once again!

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