I have been terribly neglectful with my writing this month, and for that I do apologize. I have been having some amazing insights into life, people, outlooks, setbacks, progress and self over the previous few months. Along with waiting for the weather to give me something to look forward to with the arrival of the warmth and the growth on the planet and looking inward pulling things together and accepting the positive characteristics within myself and those around me instead of fretting with those worrisome negatives and always adjusting my perspective.
Spring and it's arrival have been slow, and I must admit that I was getting very edgy waiting for it's arrival, which is never good. I barely ever get stir crazy after a long and cold winter. It took me by surprise. Shut me down for a bit, but it did have it's benefits. (The long winter and stir crazy, I mean.)
I have been utilizing many distraction techniques, one of my long lost favorites ~ reading. Absorbing so many different writers, worlds, characters, trying to get in my minimum two books a week, which is really much less than I used to read in my heavy reading days. I have really enjoyed the distraction and the shift in my focus. It also has kept me off of the computer, which is something of a blessing.
It is easy, in my experience to get bored with excess. For me, I have been dissatisfied with interacting with my usual old distractions of backgammon and as of late some serious computer solitaire which although it is competitive ( I am hugely competitive I am finding, something I never realized ~ love to win!) Getting ever closer to the top 1000 nationally from an almost 3000 beginning rank. I am not too proud to count that as an accomplishment, I will take them where I can get them these days!
Me and boredom do not make good bedfellows. To say the very least, I also am very aware of that. Even though I have a million projects going on at one time usually, it is very easy for me to get bored and then get negative on myself, I do not need others help in tearing me down. I do that quite well all on my own.
I have been fortunate to have been out in the world, and nature and traveling around the County, seeing with fresh eyes people, places and things which have been unattainable to me over the past five years in my self imposed prison. It is very refreshing and invigorating to see places which used to be familiar, very familiar, and looking at them with a whole new set of eyes.
Just yesterday, I visited a local attraction, one I have visited at least forty times throughout my life; Balance Rock. Where the road is just as bad as it always has been, the big rock balancing on another is covered with fresh coats of paint and taggings.
Having climbed this beast most recently two years ago for my middle son's 21st birthday, kind of a family field trip, it was a requirement that we did so. It was a bit tricky, it used to be so easy to get a holding and climb easily up the rock, but then again, I was much younger and not dealing with physical disabilities previously, doable with effort. I passed on the effort yesterday.
Instead, I walked around the great beast and looked around from the back of it, into the woods, and around it. The difference I noticed yesterday was the swarm of larger rocks around the main attraction, like large hulking whales in a sea of trees, frozen, moss covered and in rest.
I wonder how I had never noticed these hulking masses of rock, lurking outside and around? They are less marked with graffiti, fortunately, others have been remiss in noticing them as well. With the birds chirping and all of the new greens all around me, it was quite peaceful. It made me regret not always having my camera on me as well!
There is something about rocks. I am not sure what it is for me personally. I have a huge rock collection, some picked up to mark an outing, specifics forgotten, like finding shells at the beach (of which I have a huge collection as well), my children were fond of giving me rocks as well, and once in Lanesborough, a friend took me down a road where if you look hard enough you can find rocks which are like glass and of varying colours. On that journey, my friend found me an amazing turquoise blue rock, quite unlike the purples and greens which are more common.
I used to have two large and favourite rocks behind my house I grew up in, next to the river where I would go to get away and think, write and draw, one of my best was the floating rock (mentioned previously, when I slid off into the freezing water ~ not my best experience with that rock on that day!!!) I love that one most, because water swept around it, and the sound of the water was so comforting at times when I needed it most, in my solitude. The second was a large flat "sandstone", sitting on top of the water next to a crop of cattails.
I remember when the spring came to New Ashford, and the boys went out into the river, moving great beastly rocks and making me beautiful waterfalls down our part of the stream. Beautiful to look at, a lot of work to make.
My favourite morning activity was to make my tea and go down to the river and sit on a chair of above ground roots next to a great pool of water where you could cross if you were careful, but where I sat and woke to the tinkling of the brook and the sounds of the birds and the butterflies flitting around saying good morning. My dog with me, nestled in a cave under a massive maple tree, which lived and grew, although the soil had long been swept away over the years.
That is the life I left far and away not by my choice, to me, it was priceless and difficult to walk away from and from which I am still in mourning. I know time heals all wounds and I do have my memories, but still and all, city life is really not the same ~ does not even come close!!!
I am grateful that I have those old memories, I feel so privileged to have enjoyed those years of peace and tranquility and happiness. I am not a quitter and am working on my goals and learning to figure out ~ before it is too late, what it is that would enhance my life and what makes me smile and feel better which even as simple as the discovery of new sights in an old attraction which have been there for 100's of years at least! Small pleasures ~ great treasures!