AN EVENING AT THE WHITNEY WITH RON RAMSAY AND SAMANTHA TALORA & SPECIAL GUESTS

I had the pleasure of catching Samantha Talora & Ron Ramsay with Special Guest Michael Gillespie featuring the Brightest Young Talent of the Berkshires on Saturday, September 20th at the Whitney Center for the Performing Arts.

                                     
There was quite a crowd when I arrived, the people engaged in friendly conversation as waitstaff came around to take orders for wine and morsels to nibble on during the show.  Ghazi Khami greeting guests as we all prepared ourselves for a highly anticipated evening of Show Tunes from Oliver, Bye, Bye Birdie, Follies, Charlie Brown and The Secret Garden.


                                   

Ron Ramsey, Music Director at the Whitney Center for the Arts as well as St. Ann's Church in Lenox, MA. and  Samantha Talora, a local singer,  did a wonderful job entertaining the  guests with their banter.  The addition of    Michael Gillespie on Sax and Flute, Hannah Morley,15, Allysa Morley, 13, along with Maxine Leger, 12 and Lelia Gillespie 8, were a wonderful combination for a great evening at the Whit!

Sam and Ron have a great energy both musically and socially ~ and did a great job of engaging the audience throughout the evening.  They began the evening with "Something's Coming" and broke into "Isn't It Romantic".

Once we were warmed up a bit Michael Gillespie joined them on Sax for an awesome rendition of Alright, Okay, You Win, which was my all time favorite of the evening.  Alyssa and Maxine hit the stage with both feet with a very theatrical duet, followed by Samantha doing a beautiful ballad "I Think It is Going to Rain Today".

I was absolutely blown away when 8 year old Lelia Gillespie, daughter of Michael, the Sax/Flute player came out, just a head higher than the piano to perform "The Girl I Mean to Be" from the Secret Garden.  She sang like an angel, engaged the entire room and was rewarded with a soda for a job well done at the end of the evening.

The evening continued to be a wonderful way to spend a night the finale was amazing with everyone joining in with "Consider Yourself" from Oliver.  Following the performance delicious cake was served to the audience and I caught up with the amazing guest performers.

Hannah, Maxime, Allysa and Lelia, guest performers at the Whitney Center for Performing Arts

Sisters Allysa and Hannah Morley  have been singing together for six years. Maxime Leger  has been singing with the sisters in the Church Choir at St. Anne's Church for a number of years.  Lelia Gillespie, daughter of Michael (Sax and Flute), has a wonderful time singing as well as is evident by the twinkle in her eye and the smile on her face!

It delights me to see the Whitney Center for the Performing Arts benefiting our community through Art and Music by bringing such a diverse range of Talent to our attention.  I look forward to seeing future Musical Events at the Whitney as each one unfolds.

The Whitney Center For the Arts is located at 42 Wendell Avenue in Pittsfield and I recommend you make your reservations early to ensure a seat for these very entertaining events!  Hope to see you there!

ACCEPTING CHANGE

Time is drawing near ~ one more week and I will be on my way to Connecticut to my brothers for a good nights sleep before heading "under the knife".  It will be good to spend time with my brother with no distractions (except surgery).

I am not getting too nervous, although, I would be lying if I led you to believe I was not nervous at all.  I have been doing pretty good with the anxiety over the past couple of weeks, for many reasons which will not be listed in this blog.

The main reason has been keeping busy, which is always good.  I have gotten most of my house in order (including my room) which was on my list of things to be done by my deadline.  The table is almost cleared and I am somewhat satisfied with my progress.

This week is food preparation week.  I have been planning out comfort food for my recovery. Having the meals to prepare this week is pro strategy on my part since cooking is one of my passions it will help me to distract from my anxiety as it builds up prior to my appointment.

With ArtWalk on Friday, volunteering at Barrington Stage Company on Saturday and then Sunday to pack my bag and try not to forget anything with the deadline being Sunday for all meal preparation to be cooked and stored and whatever may come up in between it looks like I have just enough time to get everything done and have some fun distractions as well.

My review is written and ready for me to add pictures.  My computer is still down ~ I have even considered doing anything hands on about it in a week exactly and I am still not worried about not having a link to the big, bad world.

In reality, my son got a new video game for Playstation which he and his brother can play together from their prospective houses so I really have had as much computer time as I have needed when I have been home.

I had a sleepover with my granddaughter before my big event, just the two of us, which was so much fun!  We pre`Christmas shopped on the Internet.  It was fun watching her go through the pages of toys and add everything to a wish list. No clothes, Gramma (my sentiments exactly). unless she wants clothes and then I am all in!

The weather has been very nice the past few days and I was invited to take a road trip to Hudson, NY to see what an active and busy Saturday was in a very diverse town full of Art and Culture.  I even attended an Art Auction for the first time in between Shops, Galleries and Antique Shops.

There was also a cute little house behind a gated wall of the Secret Garden which I could imagine it as a private residence, which was very charming for a floral shop with plants and trees growing outside, slightly overgrown paths and just a delightful atmosphere.  Life has been very wonderful indeed!

It is nice to learn through living, and what I have learned this month is that not all change is bad and that when you are on the right path there are signs along the way that reinforce those choices with a brighter, lighter and happier existence than one could ever hope to imagine, affirming my new mantra that there are no coincidences!

REALLY LIVING WITHOUT TECHNOLOGY

Last week I wrote a blog about the effects of technology on our lives these days, between the computer, phones and such we are tuned in and attached and seemingly cannot live without checking in, one way or another with technology.

I am the same way with the computer and internet.  I normally spend most of my day playing a game, typing an email, reading something, interacting with people, writing and publishing things that I write whenever I am home and not cooking or interacting with my son or granddaughter, garden or art/craft.  That is my life ~ the way it is, or has been for a number of years.

The other day, my computer had some kind of meltdown. I kind of forgot that it happened since it happened before I went to bed, but the next morning when I awoke and went to turn it on it wouldn't.

My son has a computer so I made my tea and used his computer and life was sort of normal.  I decided to try to get one of my other computers up and running.  I gathered what I thought I needed and nothing happened twice!

It was Monday, so that meant I had an obligation out of the house, time was not in my favour.  On top of that, it was my middle son's birthday and I had a dinner to prepare and serve.  That was all good.  Less time available to realize what reality was about to be-for real!

After dinner and my family left, my son let me use his computer again to do my daily activities, so again, everything was good (except for his horrible keyboard and mouse), we share pretty well.  Since we live in the same house but seem to live in different time zones it is okay ~ especially now that I am allowed to use my keyboard and mouse (as long as I change it back when I am done and re-start the computer).

One of the things which I have noticed during the three days and nights without a computer to sit in front of and distract with and generally have more time than you actually realize pass once you pull yourself away (me anyway), is that I am not really bothered by not having the full time access to the computer.

It does suck when I want to sit down and write my blog or some story which I think up, and I can't.  Or when I need to look up something really quick and I go to my computer and see three of them sitting there and not one working for me, but overall, what I am noticing is that it isn't really as bad as I thought it would.

Today was a pretty busy day, with an early appointment out for my son so we were out of the house and, as a change, I had company in the world walking and doing my errands, lunch with my boy and a walk for me accompanied by him riding his bike.

Nice, quality time together in the daytime ~ my time, something which I rarely get but truly cherish! So much nicer for me than spending time with him from early afternoon until I can't keep my eyes open while we are watching television together before he goes and resumes his day, which is my night.

One can only hope that it is the start of a normal schedule, but alas, I am sure that tomorrow will be the norm once again and today will only be a glimmer of a memory long before it happens again!  I digress!

Without all that life sucking, time wasting computer monopolizing my time (and much of every-ones newsfeed) I have been actively filling my time with useful and productive activities.  I know it has only been 3 days, but in that time I have written just under 8 hand written pages of a story with a clear beginning and end.  The words seemed to flow from pen to paper with an ease I don't always find through the keyboard.

I have cleaned, cleared and organized a couple of hard core areas which I have been putting off. Moved my dresser back where it started and set up the top and organized my jewelry which I have begun to wear again.

I seem to have kick started myself back into action by the inaction of a box which monopolizes my time and really has lowered my standards.  The more I clean the more I notice just how dirty I let everything get, which is normally quite unusual for me.

So, I think I am going to change my relationship with my computer.  I am not going to let it monopolize my time as much.  I am not really stressing and I know that I can get one of the two other computers working as a temporary thing ~ when I feel like it, and ya know, I am not feeling like it and that is okay with me!

With just short of two weeks left to go before my surgery I have much to do in preparation so this is a good time to have this attitude.  Not to say that I will forgo my usual morning routine and any other chance I get to work or play on the computer, but instead of play and then maybe work I will be utilizing my time like I have none which may just work out better for me.

I am off for now ~ I have a few minutes left and want to go play my games before my son realizes that he hasn't been on his computer very much at all either and kicks me off!

TURNING OFF THE TECHNOLOGY

It is quite interesting to me, especially after a couple of days of less computer time, to see just how attached to the computer and internet I am and what it means as I take a break to write and regroup before going to bed and some serious sleep very soon after not even making a dent in the email, games and general time wasting distractions I employ.  When my attention is elsewhere the stuff just piles up!  I am amazed by the accumulation and the realization both!

 I spent the day out of town yesterday at the Big E ~ an Exposition with building for the New England States, attractions, food and a Carnival.  .I got invited to step into a Volunteer Appreciation Day vacancy since a friends wife had to work, through R.S.V.P.  which is a volunteer organization that I need to look into.

When my son was being tutored at the Library I used to read their opportunities as I smoked my cigarette during my four hour days/5 day a week for three years.  At that time I hadn't yet begun volunteering since I had no time for it.

It was a great day with transportation on a very nice bus, a snack bag with water, crackers, cookies an apple and some mints.  My water was very frozen so I lucked out having cold water throughout the day, and it was warmer by far in Springfield than it would have been at home ~ I was grateful!

5 hours may seem like ample time to walk through but the place is bigger than you realized until you are racing across the grounds to check out a show on time!  The Grizzly Bear Rescue had a 15 minute show and who could pass up an opportunity to see in person a grizzly bear???

Or the cute little pigs racing around the ring, with the audience being broken down into sections to cheer their pigs ~ each section had a person chosen who, if the pig won would win a plastic pig snout and oreo cookies, the winning pig racing to the finish line for his prize, also an oreo cookie.

And who could resist watching a cute little pot belly pig swimming an eight foot span for his cookie reward?  The anticipation thick, as the pig sets up and delays, shaking his cute little tail before leaping four feet across the water and swimming the rest of the way for his reward?

Watching a mentalist perform his magic ~ wondering, really, how the heck???  But knowing that we all posses the power to access more of our brains than we do, and enjoying the entertainment along with the awe and amazement and the skill ~ 100%.

I watched some seriously beautiful horses go through the paces in the ring ~ watching the skill and talent of the young riders.  Knowing they put so much time in training and grooming to prepare.  The dedication and hard work does not go unnoticed by me, and I love horses!

Walking through the State buildings, each state set up with vendors selling their wares, walking through sampling some amazing dips, fudge, wine.  Enjoying, finally a table to sit at and rest and listen to a couple of musical performances between racing around some more, taking in the sights, people everywhere!

Making the bus at 4 ~ grateful for the comfort of the seat and the opportunity to take a snooze and wake up at the just outside my exit was exquisite as I was completely exhausted by that point!

Arriving back home in time to walk through the Third Thursday Event with men in high heels getting ready to do a walk to raise money to support the end of Violence against women and bring an awareness to the community.  I think it was the third annual, but don't quote me on that.  I made my way down the street seeing everything that was there, and making my way home.

Thankful for the opportunity, refreshed and recharged, although still wiped out!  Busy, busy!  Perspective and motivation seem to be shifting, life is good.  I am feeling very balanced in my energy.  I even set up the shelf I brought down the other night and cleaned two rooms today, made some delicious risotto for lunch and took a walk around Silver Lake ~ grateful to see signs posted warning people not to eat the fish.

Coming home to have the phone, which has been silent begin ringing and my son planning to come home, and then my granddaughter, just in the call, not in the words wanting to sleep over ~ just what I need!  Thomas not coming home ~ even better ~ girls night!!!  One on One pure and sweet LOVE!!!

Colouring, talking, playing with stuffed animals, pajamas and renting the Lego Movie, falling asleep, but denying it, watching Ainsley fall asleep cute as a bug in a rug!  I love the pattern of my life, the people and the things that make me smile!

It is late and my nap was good, but I am ready to go snuggle with my munchkin who will be up before I know it.  Looking forward to the day!   I am writing a review for an event at the Whitney Center for the Arts
one out of two I get to do before my Surgery ~ with more to come in October if I am able!

Two years writing and the path is opening up.  An unexpected event to say the least.  It gives me a boost.  It is nice to see something that I love to do but am uncertain why I do it turn into an opportunity.  I like when new paths become clear ~ it shows progress and forward motion ~ something I really do take pride in.

I am rambling and I am out ~ perhaps you will get to the Big E or even the Whitney ~ Get out there and participate ~ the feeling is great!

MY EVOLUTION

When I was in tenth grade I took a psychology class.  During the nine days in which I attended the class during the first semester I remember learning about cosmic twins.  The idea was very interesting to me.  What I recall, basically is that each person on the planet has another half of themselves out in the world and it is our subconscious life mission to search the world until we find that person.

Since my  experiences up to that point had been affected greatly by my early childhood and watching my own parents relationship go from good to non existent, I thought it was just a romantic notion.  But the idea stuck in my brain for whatever reason.

Before I got totally discouraged with life and love and people in general I kept it in the back of my head, but continued to doubt.  Years passed, I loved, I was hurt and then I was eventually "broken" by my many life experiences which were not always positive.

Still, in the back of my mind the idea remained.  However, I became a silent observer more than an active participant.  Somewhere along the way I lost my "voice" (although I still had strong opinions) which I would voice when I absolutely could not listen to contrary things without stating my opinions.  I still spoke but with less heart and soul and I did not share my self with the world, or at least too many people within my world.

Over time, I found it less difficult to accept that I would be alone for the rest of my life, work on all of those things that hold me back from trust and love and hopefully, in my next life I would have overcome all of the hurdles and lessons which I have obviously failed in this lifetime in order to be "worthy" of  the love I was unable to access.

I had my children and I love them, but that is not the same.  I put my focus into raising them and trying to shape them into worthwhile individuals who were brought up with love, kindness and communication skills at the very least.  In other words try not to mess them up so that they might not have to overcome the things that tainted them in their childhoods later in life.

I am not a religious person, but I am very spiritual.  I like churches when they are empty.  I like to walk in them and absorb the energy, pray during troubled times and ask for guidance when I am so completely overwhelmed by the happenings in my life and light candles.

I have not found my god or my religion or my cosmic twin, but I have more faith in the recent past that perhaps, by some faint glimmer of light that love would touch my heart and life, aside from my children and grandchild.

I have been engaged in a series of very intense and in-depth conversations lately which have made me examine myself, my life and my beliefs.  I do not know if it is a result of the stress and anxiety which I have been experiencing while waiting for my pending surgery or not.  All I know for sure is that my beliefs are being shaken up and my perspective is changing.

THREE WEEK COUNTDOWN!

Three weeks..., pre-op exam done today ~ I will be glad when this is all over!  The array of emotions I have experienced since having the dye injected into me and finding out I needed surgery have been overwhelmingly mind-blowing to say the least!

The only way I can describe what I have been going through is similar to when you suppress grief from a loved one passing.  I find myself at times unable to think in a straight line (more so than usual!).  I was just up in my room watching t.v. and for some reason thought it would be a good idea to start moving things around in my room.

I took all of my stuffed animal collection off of the shelf and put them on my bed ~ it is a double bed which is now 3/4 full of teddy bears, stuffed bunnies down to Raggedy Ann and Andy.  Once cleared I then maneuvered the shelf  between the narrow gap of the table and dresser, over the extension cord cluster in the middle of the floor and down the stairs.

Once I landed in the kitchen I thought to myself ~ (after I juggled it to lean upon the table) what the hell are you doing ~ and there is no way you are setting that up tonight both at the same time.  Then I made a tea. Now I have a bed full of stuffed animals which will end up on the floor because I am done!

Moving things around is a thinking tool for me.  It just isn't a good time for me to be doing that.  For some reason I woke up in an odd disposition this afternoon.  I fell asleep for which felt like ten minutes but was a bit longer.

I feel like I have woken up in an alternate universe of sorts.  Noticing everything out of place and needing to be don, and not happily either!.  Then my son poked the bear.  The bear was not happy to be poked and went for a walk just for the sake of walking and shaking the feeling of whatever was amiss.

Of course, nothing is amiss.  It is just three weeks closer to the unknown.    That subconscious fear that I am trying to not acknowledge which is coming out sideways on me.  I am listening to some nice music and "I Shall Not Be Moved" just came on.

The song always reminds me of my grandparents.  Maybe I heard it in church before I heard it live in concert and was moved to purchase the c.d.  I am not sure but  it  puts me at peace.  I am thankful that it came on when I needed it to!  It was the reason why I put the c.d. in in the first place.

As time is drawing nearer I am getting anxious to be prepared for anything, which is one of my characteristics.  Drawing that list together, prioritizing what needs to be done and doing it.  Staying focused and not letting myself get sidetracked is going to be trick.

Moving a shelf and making a mess at 9:30 at night is not really a high priority ~ especially when the thought that triggered the action was clearing off another table unrelated to the shelf at all!  My lord!  I do need some strength!

I did reach out to my brother who lives close to the hospital which I am going to be operated in.  He of course will come get me whenever I want and bring me to the hospital and, despite having to go out of town a couple of days later for his wife's surgery in Ohio he is even going to have his son (who I can't believe is driving) my Sammy doodle (and he will probably kill me for calling him that) pick me up with the option of staying at his house if I need to and Sammy will bring me back home.

I love my baby brother and the one thing about time and distance is that we didn't see each other's kids grow up.  The love is there, always has been and always will which is most excellent, despite the time and distance. I am very proud of the man that my brother has turned into, although I still see him as a little boy in my minds eye.  The fact that his son, my only nephew is old enough to drive me home is comprehensible to me!

I am beginning to notice how dirty the keyboard and my compute and general work space is so I think it is time to relocate to my room ~ kick those stuffed animals out of bed and distract with some reading, the last notes of the last song are playing in the background.

I bid you all good night and pleasant nights and days with no worries.  For that is what I do hope to achieve myself!

p.s.  The GClawdia blog hit a two year anniversary on Sunday.  I am pleased to have begun it and grown over the years as a writer.  I have come far on this journey since I first began, I have reached some goals, overcome some obstacles, taken some challenges and made huge strides.

I am thankful for the opportunities which have come my way and look forward to the future challenges, adventures and growth yet to come!  Don't forget to make everyday an adventure or at the very least do not fail to see the beauty which is all around us.

No matter what your mood or where your location I am sure that the sun still rises and sets at the very least ~ so take the time and reflect upon it and feel the warmth of it's glow.  Thank you so much for reading...I am blessed everyday and look forward to growing and sharing with you!

FINDING MY BALANCE ONCE MORE!

I have remained much more grounded this week and have been enjoying the peace of mind very much.  I just finished a nice meal with my son and decided to take some time and just write with no stress or point for a change and see where it goes.

I really have enjoyed writing post which have been engaging people to communicate.  I may not have a clear view of what my blog is for, other than to journal.  I think that in trying to find a "purpose" I lost my purpose and my enthusiasm to write daily (unless I had an adventure to share!)

For me, everyday is an adventure, in reality.  Something I think I lost sight of as well as I got super bogged down with trying to find a purpose.  So many people recently have been telling me how much I inspire them and how positive I am to them, in life, which helped me to realize that that is my purpose.

I know that life can be difficult sometimes for all of us and upon reflection of past posts over the two years (and yes ~ it is our Anniversary on Sunday ~) GClawdia has been at it for two years!!!!)  It has been a challenge at times to stay focused with so many things taking me away from my writing everyday and remember that one thing I always try to do in my life and in writing is find a silver lining, spread the love and hope to make people smile.

I have challenged myself with writing in a Chapter Book, Writing Challenges, Poetry, journaling and the new challenge of writing reviews.  I have gotten to know so many people through writing my blog.  So many Artists have been gracious enough to speak with me and share themselves with me at ArtWalk and in the world in general.

I am no longer standing in the background looking in, if I have an question I ask it and get so much more than a general answer, this is very affirming to me as a human being.  I haven't found my "tribe" yet so to speak, but I am finding the world a different place now that I have a different outlook.

It is nice and I thank you all for being along for the ride so to speak.  I appreciate your readership and your support when I ask for it, all of the wonderful comments and have recently found out I can reply to your comments so don't be surprised to hear from me!

I am still an idiot when it comes to anything more than typing and spell checking and hitting that Publish button ~ have no idea how to manipulate design or really make changes as such ~ maybe I will be putting that on my list but probably not!  I think I am getting better with pictures though!!

I have had fun making a garden this summer and wouldn't you know the one vegetable that produced was the one I like the least ~ I am making the best of it though and next year ~ well, next year I will have a better set up for sure!

I am indeed nervous about my surgery as it draws nearer ~ still have to get that whole trip in order, all the preparation to be gone for a couple of days and down for an unknown amount of time still bothers me ~ the unknown is sometimes not an exciting thing!

I am surprised at how twisted my mind got over the past couple of weeks.  I am aware now and will not deny it to you or myself that I am worried and that is what happens when I stuff emotions ~ emotions are funny creatures ~ they come out when you don't need them to in random ways when you don't allow them to!

I am thankful it is Friday and that the day is coming to an end.  I am looking forward to hanging out with my boy and watching some senseless television with my heating pad and have a laugh or two and a good nights sleep and be ready to face tomorrow with a clear head and open eyes!

My son is waiting for me to hang out and my heating pad is beeping in the microwave so I am out for today.  Thank you for your continued support!  Have a wonderful and safe weekend!

FACING THE LIES WE TELL OURSELVES

I have had an interesting weekend to say the least.  Granted it was nothing like I expected and the unexpected is what made it so interesting!

With company from out of town, ArtWalk, Family dinners, random encounters, intensely deep conversations, I find myself looking more closely at myself and the patterns I have created in my life which are holding me back.

I was hoping to use this time as an escape from my own reality, decrease my stress, allow parts of myself to come out and play that I keep buried and squashed down.  Instead I find myself with those rose coloured glasses losing their tint.  I wasn't even aware I had them on until the clear light of day shined through!

Forced to look so deeply inside myself is not something I like to do.  What I see deep inside of myself is a mass of confusion, old beliefs which are kept despite their usefulness which are there to potentially harm me, the corner of destructive behaviour which I have been trying to keep at bay ~ everything inside holds me back from my progress and I feel like I have set myself back a couple of years and at the same time gone forward a little bit.

What is really standing out in my head, heart and soul is how deep that negative pattern goes and knowing I need to accept the real reality of the lies I tell myself in order to maintain some semblance of a normal life "authentically"

I like to think I have developed my authentic self,  and it is true that I live mostly in a reality based reality and I present my whole self as I am without regard for how I will look to people looking in from the outside.  I don't really care for the most part what people think about me, but judgement from others still hurt, but not as deeply as the ones I put on myself!

I can't expect to move beyond where I am now unless I remove these lies that I tell myself.  Accept the truths and say goodbye to childhood beliefs once again.  I thought I had done this part already, and I had, but then I allowed myself to believe in a lie again.

With that belief came reality, which couldn't be clearer, but I like to pretend things are not what they are and accept them as what I want, when in reality it is an illusion I created to have at least one special place in my world.

Shattered illusions do suck!  I must be honest and say that right now!  Disappointment sucks!!!  I am not going to beat myself up ~ I am going to take these new found realizations and use them to help me accept, recognize and grow from here.

How I am going to do that I am not sure yet.  I think a long walk in a quiet place will be needed to process this one!  In the meantime I think I will go enjoy some of that lamb I cooked for dinner yesterday, get ready to face my normally scheduled Monday (which couldn't come soon enough!) and try to wrap my brain around the past 5 days!

INTERESTING ~ WHAT DO YOU THINK?????

The other day on Facebook I shared a video that was quite violent of a person getting run over repeatedly with the car being chased by Police in a country that was not the U.S.A., and the car coming back around and running over the person again and backing up and one more time for good measure before speeding away chased by the police.

It is unclear from the video whether the driver had a grudge against the pedestrian or if the pedestrian happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  The only thing we see is the road rage.  It was first thing in the morning kind of video and I shared it without a comment.  Something I do when I am not awake, and clearly I should have posted a "Viewer Discretion" label on the thing ~ but it didn't have one and I wasn't awake.

When I shared the viral video ~ not for any humour content, or entertainment value ~ basically to see what the general reaction from the WORLD would be regarding this shocking video in comments from the General Public to get a feeler for the climate regarding such matters.  I got more than I bargained for.

One of the first comments, from someone who I went to Elementary School with, posted "Why would you share this?"  I think I replied something about it not being for entertainment more to see what others would think, say, respond ~ or not respond.

I went about my business, doing my chores and errands out of the house to come home hours later to see a post in my newsfeed that said "friend" had put up for a bashing and topic of discussion.  While he respectfully did not use my name (as I am not using his), he got quite a few responses regarding the "incident".

This one is one of my favourites :

"No one needs visuals of negative garbage in their day! I really wonder about the agenda or mental stability of those that post it."  You are on the Internet ~ the information highway ~ and Facebook to boot!


"Thanks for bringing this to people's attention. It is insensitive to others."

There were more!  Many people commented!

I find it mildly amusing that a person who doesn't speak to me in the "real world" would be so offended by this video which I shared, enough so that he sent me a personal message in order for me to apologize for my inconsiderate sharing of said video, to mention how close we were in 4, 5 or 6th grade and to basically degrade me, not only publicly without mentioning my name, but also privately like I was a child and the only person in the world to share a shocking video ~ (which one has the ability to scroll on by).

 "I don't want to out anyone. The person and I have had a respectful FB email exchange and they understand that what they posted was offensive."

That was also interesting.  I was not unfriended and promised in the future to add a tag if my shares will be of a morbid, violent or "REAL" nature.  Right before I took my shower I happened to read all of the remarks attached to his post and found it very interesting that his group of friends are very opinionated about what they do and more to the point do not want to see in their news feeds.  Violent, shocking and real life need not apply, along with those anti smoking and pro vegan posts as well.  Sorry guys (vegans especially!)

"Same thing with some of the new quit smoking commercials....We shouldn't be forced to watch or see these things.....put it all somewhere together for those who for some reason want to see and/or post all that stuff."


"Okay I hear you and I am creeped out by the serious anti meat eating vegan ones too although I am very sympathetic to that cause"

In America, we are fools for movies.  Action movies, drama, comedy, romance.  I listen to these same people and know they watch movies and if that same video was a part of a movie they would have probably really enjoyed it ~ but in real life they bash the sharer of the reality.  As the bashed I think they are just as insensitive!

I was pretty hurt when I was singled out by my "Friend".  It came on a day when I was beating myself up in my own life for a couple of things that had occurred.  I do find it mildly amusing still after reading every one's two cents worth!

I have to add that the same day I posted this funny video of  a Teenage African American Youth who was very humorously telling his friends about a field trip in the summer which he attended with a group of "pale/ashy classmates" to go pick cotton all day in a cotton field and then turn in their bags of cotton afterwards down South somewhere, and his mother's reaction when she found some cotton in his pocket the next day when she was doing wash and  then her reaction when she went to the school and called out the Principle for making young black children pick cotton.  I, like the mother, would have been mortified and angry for the administration of doing something so tacky!

Did I get one response from that?  One little reaction of rage/ anger/outrage?  Nope, I guess me and the boy and his Mom are the only people on the planet who feel offended by that one!

Or the one the week before which a man who ran an Orphanage lined up and beat and threw each child across the room crying after he abused them?  Nope, no comments/outrage there!

But for a random person getting repeatedly run over in the street in a foreign country where I have been told by people who travel to foreign countries that the natives (jokingly) when discussing hit and runs (which are far more common than one would think) that you "better make sure they are dead so that you don't have to pay the medical and funeral".

How true it is ~ I do not know.  Different cultures, different standards.  

"More viewings, the more we are desensitized and the more immoral we become. We are on quite a path at the moment. Please stop the flood of stupidity. "

So I think we should just keep watching our violent sports, Action Movies (where good overcomes evil), more terrorism, taking over the White House, the world, and continue to not see the reality of what is going on with the world.  Keep playing those violent video games, keep bashing those we have a different opinion from ~

We all see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe ~ the only thing different are our perceptions and our realities!!!

THANK YOU READERS AND UNIVERSE FOR YOUR SOLICITED FEEDBACK!

I want to thank my readers who responded to my solicitation for advice yesterday.  I was pleased to have a few wise people with some sage words to live by and a reminder (I need a red lipstick) that I AM STRONG!

I slept much better last night to say the least!  So well in fact that I was thankful that I had put the garbage out the night before since the garbage men passing is what woke me up.

What a difference a day makes!  Today was, fortunately for me, my "Monday" on a Thursday and I had the talk session scheduled.  I was eager to go and while I was reading in the waiting room out walked one of my favourite people in the world!!!

My dear, sweet, long lost Lydia!!!  I could have spent the next hour talking to her, but I think Richard would have minded!  To get a much needed hug from my dear friend almost brought tears to my eyes ~ it has been 8/10 years which is way too long!  I may have to switch my Monday's to Thursdays!

Some people enter your life for a reason and then are taken away for other reasons and this is the case in this situation.  It was a devastating blow when we parted ways professionally and as my doc said ~ it is amazing with how small the area is that we haven't run into each other before hand!

The universe does provide when we need it the most ~ you just have to be open for it!  I am a believer indeed!  It was nice to be able to tell her that although I could have easily quit all the work I had done with her and revert back to past behaviours and living(?) behind walls - I have not.

I haven't written the book I told her I would someday write, but that is a developing idea which, once I break free of fear I will be bravely and honestly sharing with the hopes of helping others.  I am not there yet.  I still have so much work to do!

I will be on a mini vacation for the next week or so ~ except for regularly scheduled activities ~ so I may not have the time to share as regularly as I would like ~ but since I am not writing everyday you probably won't notice too much.

I need a break from all of the things that are wearing me down and stressing me out to regain my mental and physical strength to make it through to my surgery and beyond.  In other words, I will be avoiding all stress and drama from outside sources and focus on preparing for my recovery.

Thank you again friends near and far who helped me realign myself ~ it means so much! 

SOLICITING FEEDBACK FOR A DEEPER UNDERSTANDING

I couldn't sleep last night despite having slept like a rock the night before, I was worn down and tired all day with no reprieve.  I fell asleep alright but woke during the middle of the night with a little niggle of a bother on my mind.

(Right now you are saying "niggle" isn't a word (and you are probably right), but it seems to fit.  Over the course of the day it hit me as to what is bothering me.

Since I write my blog for myself, and I write to clear my head and work through things to reach a better understanding of myself and the world and how I am affected by it.  (There I go using one of those dread words and I hope I used it properly!)

So, over my first cup of tea I realized I had disrespected myself and I am not proud of it.  In the moment it seemed like I was doing the right thing, but not really and I did it anyway.  Curious yet?

As you might have realized by all of my writing I am a people pleaser.  I hate confrontation and I hate to make waves and I overall like to help out where I can.  That being said, a friend of mine who is going through a loss and who has major anxiety on a good day had a problem.  I offered a solution and it seemed to be positive.  My solution was accepted and all was well in the world.

It was a simple storage solution, I had room, they didn't I offered they accepted, done and done.  No problems there.  The next day the friend decided that she wanted to trade what I was storing for a duplicate ~ same size, same space ~ again ~ no problem.

The problem came when I agreed and then got accused of being argumentative (which I wasn't)(and why do I have to defend myself?????  Now, I was questioning a whole lot (internally) and it turned into a "Do whatever you want" kind of situation.

Now, if you know me, I hate to be accused of doing something I am not doing AND  sometimes it makes me reflect the behaviour I have been accused of. (not in this case, however). Something I am not proud of and am better at not doing it, since people generally do not make that mistake with me.

In my frustration I accused my friend of not listening, which is an undeniable fact.  My friend came and picked up her possession the next day and made other arrangements for it.  Fine by me!  I was just a storage option anyway!

The problem that I am having with myself is the fact that I apologised for bad behaviour which I didn't own.  My apology was accepted.  Fine, done, right??  Be the bigger person, although I was NOT responsible for the situation and drama caused.  The person like I said, was dealing with a loss of someone very close to them so I thought it might be a good idea to take some of the situational anxiety away and have them not worry about the situation at all.

Now, I am going through no sleep and don't feel all that great about compromising my self.  I feel like I have personally taken three steps backwards in my growth as a person for doing this ~ especially considering the day before I wrote an affirmation that I was not going to take responsibility for another persons actions.

Sure, my friend feels better that I apologized for her DRAMA ~ I owned it like it was mine and she accepted it!  (Who wouldn't?) She even said she was going to work on listening and on keeping her thoughts and words more positive.  I hope she sleeps better at night than I do!

I just don't know what to think about this.  It is not a situation at all except for the fact that I am now bothered greatly for going against myself!  Selfish?  In line with the situation?  I am not sure.  I was truly sorry more that I helped when someone needed it and part of me never wants to make that mistake again.  In the meantime I am stuck with this nagging and bothersome self betrayal!!!

I do not want to let it affect how I relate to people in general and most specifically this friend.  I am wondering how it can not affect me in a negative way and learn to grow from this ~ since my life is all about learning and growing especially in interpersonal relationships.

I am curious, and feel free to leave a comment or email me back on this one @GClawdia@aol.com if you would like to keep your remarks personal.  I am soliciting your advice, opinions and options.  Please mark in the Subject line something to indicate that you are responding to this blog.

I don't normally solicit feedback but I want to know overall what you might have done in a similar situation, and how you might resolve the conflict in your own minds.