Sunday, January 26, 2014


I have a basket which is filled with yarn and crocheting projects.  In this basket is a pile of tangled skeins of yarn.  I was just liberating a gold skein from the mess ~ which turned into two.  I found a cool skein which I had thought was lost, and liberated that as well.

Soon I was engrossed in untangling the yarn and thinking about life.  The state of the world.  The United States.  The Recession ~ which all but 89 (?) guessing on that number are in still.  Thinking about how messed up it is, like the pile of colors I was dealing with.

I could have stopped, yet I continued working on the problem.  Searching for an end, which is indeed a beginning.  Thinking about my life before it changed and ended and the personal losses that my sons and I endured so these particular men could get richer and I began to wonder.

Was it a bet, a game, a dare for these powerful men who pulled the rug out from so many peoples lives.  So many people lost so much.  I lost my home and my A++ credit I worked my entire life to establish.  Taking the next step ~ proper step for where I was at that time ~ consolidating my debt into my mortgage for my home with my family.

I did not NEED to do it.  It was just the thing that you did, along with paying more than the minimum every month, calling and seeing if they had a better interest rate ~ they never called you ~ I worked very hard at my credit.  As a mother of three kids and no college degree I worked VERY hard for all of that.

I never imagined that that would turn into the biggest mistake of my life.  When my fixed mortgage suddenly adjusted for no reason ~ except there was a reason ~ good old bait and switch.  What the fuck!!! Right ~ I know there are many Americans in which this happened to.  Too many Americans.

Despite all my efforts I could not get refinancing after that to straighten out my mess.  I tried to find a roommate, did everything I could do but there was no solution available to me other than to give my house back to the bank ~ lose my equity and my credit was ruined.

Having to find another place to call home turned into a  Circus Side Show and I could write a book alone on those horrid experiences.  My youngest son developed  a disorder and could not leave the house and had to get tutored and then had a couple of nervous breakdowns.

Just when I thought as what always happens when life is good.  Very, very good, all hell broke loose.  I was not prepared for all that I have gone through and continue to struggle with, but do so with a somewhat positive attitude trying not to give up and always hoping and praying that the way will become clear.

Finally about two years ago I found a halfway decent place.  The downside was I could not bring my dog of 8 years so I had to let him go.  That kills me.  Even now.  The house, the dog, my son's health, poverty.  We are both disabled.  Me physically and he mentally.

I should be starting my life as I had always counted on when I did the math adding 18 to my youngest son's age thinking that was when life would be about me.  I wonder, How?  and why?  I will probably never be able to correct the mess I made trying to save my home.  In hindsight I would have paid the credit cards.

It is funny.  About two weeks after I left my home the government came in and helped out people with their mortgages.  My timing really sucks!  I do miss my home very much.  It was our first real home and I for one have so many wonderful memories.  It almost feels like a dream now.  So long ago and far away ~ even though it is only 6 years.

Are these power players who run the country (and I am not speaking of the government), just testing our limits?  Are they trying to see how many of us are strong enough to endure?  I do not understand how we could have bailed them out ~ these rich men who did not need it.

For the stability of the country?  I think the country is made up of more than powerful men who run the companies and make the money and make the rules.  I for one thought it would be fun to see how the wealthy handled the loss of everything when the recession finally came to light ~ instead it turns out the wealthy people are the ones who started the recession and they knew about it and were more than prepared.

I was watching Bill Mahar last night and I think it is appalling that these greedy people who are the most wealthy people are oblivious to the plight of the others less fortunate and connected than they are.  Then I woke up and read this blog.

That and the tangle of yarn I guess just got me thinking.  I for one do not want to quit, give in, what have you. I want a solution, not just for me, but for everyone.  I understand and agree with different social classes, that is necessary, but not like this.

I for one have worked and worked hard my whole life.  Until I got hurt in 1999/2000 I worked my ass off providing for my family.  I was a smart shopper, thrifty and we were happy despite not having everything everyone else had.

I don't think I am alone in feeling frustrated and unsure of how to proceed to make my individual life better.  I do the best I can with what resources I have.  I have never compromised my morals or my values in any way and am not about to begin now.  A solution is necessary not just for me, but for the whole country ~ except those 89(?) individuals!

I managed to liberate 6 bunches of yarn from my tangled mess.  It would be nice if some of the U.S.'s knots can get untangled so we can stop suffocating here!

1 comment:

  1. Hi Jennifer, I am sorry you got mangled by the market, you really do sound like you got hammered, and I wish I could make it all go away, but, well, I can't, wish I could mind you. Oh but there is no 89 people who run the show, stay true to the middle of the way, there are conspiracy theories on both edges, neither extreme is worth your time nor energy.

    best wishes