Monday, March 24, 2014


As I pick myself up from my weekend of tiring fun and recharging with my granddaughter (now that I am done feeling bad about what I haven't done) and prepare to prioritize my obligations and my responsibilities and goals to begin to pull myself out of the hole I have created, I am surprised by a couple of things on this wonderful Monday.

The first thing I am happily surprised about is the outside support by people who truly do make it their life's goal to help and inspire people.  One in particular ~ and you know who you are ~ Always Believing and inspiring!  ~ The second is my son ~ I have been struggling to motivate myself daily (which is mostly a win/win as I am too hard on myself)  and also my youngest son.

He is recovering from a health concern and the medication has really taken control of his sleep and his avoidance of being around people has left him awake mostly all night and going to bed in the daytime.  Today, I am happy to report that he is awake despite the fact it is only 11:30 in the morning, cooked me a burger for breakfast and is sitting next to me doing his thing.

I thought my direct parenting days were over, but due to this illness, he has been left needing care, love and time to heal and recover and adjust.  It has been my job to try to motivate him towards a productive life instead of life passing him by.

The only problem has been that when I encourage ~ he pushes back by extending his sleeping hours ~ oh what I would give to be complaining that he was sleeping too late at 2:00 in the afternoon instead of 8:00 at night!  As a parent it is very frustrating.

My granddaughter loves to spend time with him and she kept him up until noon Sunday.  Since we had shows to watch together I forced him awake at 8:00 a struggle but one I managed.  The problem with his "new" schedule is that I have been shifting my schedule and have been apt to stay up too late which has been one of my problems over the previous couple of months.

You know it is family first in my house and in my heart.  Missing spending time with my son I tried to adapt.  I cannot stay up 20 hours a day however and do all that I have to do.  Sorry, I am not the superwoman he thinks I am ~ but I do try.

I am a person who likes structure so I did try it his way.  That is what makes today a good day ~ he is trying it my way today!  With any kind of luck it will be the first of many days that he gets back on the same track as the rest of us in this time zone!

Seeing his attempt at switching back to my hours and hearing him proudly say that he went to bed at 2 a.m. instead of 8 a.m. really warmed my heart.  It is not that he wants to be a vampire ~ it is just something that happened without warning ~ mental health is kind of a funny thing!

I try not to get mad at the effect of his life on mine.  I love when he goes to his brothers, love when he comes back ~ but I hate watching his life pass him by.  I hate that I have no control and my words are not effective.  It is frustrating to me as a parent.

I don't want to jinx it, but I do hope this trend continues.  Watching a loved one struggle as they go through an issue is not fun ~ especially when there is nothing to be done but trust in medication and trust that the brain is a wonderful thing that does right itself again eventually!

No comments:

Post a Comment