Sunday, October 4, 2015


Over the past few months I have been adjusting my life and practicing in self care.  I had been taking care of everyone's business, from my Dad when he got hurt and was in the Nursing Home and continuing to voluntarily Curate Art Shows at the Whitney Center For the Arts, as well as given the voluntary role as Gallery Manager along with my first official business card!!  It was a proud time in my life indeed, and very busy which I do love!

During that time, I was thankful for my youngest son who took care of me by cooking dinner at ridiculous hours and kept the house going while I was everywhere else than home being a homemaker which is my normal role in life.

Since my own surgery I have experienced major numbness in my left arm  and needed to return to see my neurosurgeon and discover what was going on.  My neurosurgeon sent me to another Doctor and he gave me an injection to see if that would help with the numbness in my left arm which was traveling down my left side and leg.

That changed how I was feeling immediately, took some numbness away, but opened up some new symptoms which I am going to follow up on this week.  My physical self has been racked with pain and discomfort which has been unbearable at times!

There has been a lot of sleeping, resting and adapting going on.  I am still positive, but leery of what the next "fix" is going to bring out.  Change is a wonderful thing isn't it?  It makes me wish I could turn back time and not have the surgery a year ago, needed or not!

I was grateful to Ghazi Kazmi when I approached him about my health concerns and he answered by telling me he had a show set for October, so I wouldn't have to worry about October.  I was in the middle of the August Show and working out the kinks on the September Art Show at that time.

I continued to do what I was doing.  I continued to consider myself and what I had been doing and what I was really able to do as a volunteer.  I counseled with my Doctor, as I do and it came down to bottom line - I needed to make some adjustments and soon or I would be in trouble.

You see I have a problem saying no.  I have a problem in a big way saying no.  One little word, two letters, yet very powerful, very difficult to say.  I had continued Curating after Richard left.  He (we) had taken on the curating until September and then a renegotiation, he left in June and I carried on without him which was fun and great and wonderful.

A few weeks ago, I realized that although I am capable of doing this job, it is a job, and not a volunteer position.  It was much more than just setting up a show for First Fridays as it began.  When I first voiced my concerns in an email regarding  my position it was followed up with a lunch meeting and a conversation about the Gallery.

I was physically ill for a month as I weighed and measured.  I must have gone through every anxiety symptom on the planet and then some!  I was so ill at the meeting I could barely choke down a slice of pizza!

Gallery Hours came up once again, as it is my belief that you can't sell Art with no hours.  People coming in for musical performances are not looking to buy art, they are there for the music.  The art is just decoration on the walls, which is great for The Whit, but not really that great for the Artists, who hope to sell work and make some money!

Money is after all what makes the world go around, and money talks.  Ghazi isn't behind anything that doesn't make him money and the Art Shows are just bleeding money, giving away wine and some chips and dip and Pizza after the Art Walk at the After Party.

Money was offered to sit the Gallery, which meant more time and commitment, into something I was already putting more time than a part time job into.  I thought for a week, even though when I sent the original letter, I was pretty sure that unless the position turned from volunteer into paid I was done.

So after much deep thought, consideration and realistically considering my position and my self worth, I made the difficult decision of ending my role as curator and gallery manager at the Whitney Center for the Arts.  It is with great sadness that I did so.  Art makes my heart race and gets my blood flowing.  It does drive me in ways that nothing else in my life ever has!

Even though my heart is heavy at the loss of such a great place to show Art in, I am happy to say that my anxiety is gone.  My stomach doesn't hurt.  My brain can think again and I feel good.  Except for the fact that my texts and email has gone unacknowledged.  I left with a November show in place and am working on getting my last two artists work back to them, finishing up what I began as is only right and professional.

I am not done with Art and I am sure that Art is not done with me!  I have met great Artists locally and Internationally.  Each and every day I submerse myself in it.  Although I am not an artist out in the world, some people thought I have no place and no right doing what I have been doing.  I think  that the proof has been in the pudding and all of the shows I have been involved with picking and laying out, setting up and showing have been top notch.

Although I will no longer  be involved in the Art Shows at the Whitney Center for the Arts, I will be back in some capacity or another on a limited scale in order to fully bring a future plan together.  It may take a little time, but it has been in the planning process for a couple of months now.  Plan B.

Never before have I felt like I was on the correct path, until now.  I thank Ghazi Kazmi and Lisa Whitney for giving me the opportunity to explore an avenue of my self which put me on the path.  They really did bring Art and Culture into my world in a bigger way than it had been before!  I wish them well in bringing their dream fully to life!

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