Friday morning...sun is shining brightly. Cup of tea in hand, I sit and contemplate this past week. Thankful that my son is home, regardless of the adjustments we have had to make in our lives. A welcome relief over basically the entire year.
Both of us making huge milestones. He is finally getting his photo i.d., staying on schedule and adjusting to being at home again, me, overcoming huge personal fears to do what is necessary even if it isn't easy, and finding that it is easier once you begin an action to complete it and the positive results and rewards at the end of the road!
I am thankful that I am a strong woman who is able to deal with chaos and disorder and change. It seems that change is my middle name lately. I prefer routine and order, but it seems that it is never the same day to day. The adjustments are large in some ways and small in others.
I miss my "regular" Friday routine, where my Dad would pick me up and we would go to the food pantry. Five weeks and counting. Not long, but long enough when you rely on the resources and are not just hoarding them. Trying not to panic at the thought of not having enough food as my resources dwindle down. Trying not to mourn the loss, yet again - still and always of my dear old Dad.
One of the reasons I rely only on myself instead of others is that you don't have control when they short circuit and you get erased out of the picture again. People wonder why I do not ask for help or rely on other people and there it is in a nutshell. The only person who is in it for you is you, don't forget that one!
I have been looking into resources closer to home, within walking distance, next huge undertaking, next to trying to fix my huge financial mess now that I got my medical almost straightened out. One day at a time, one problem at a time. Looking forward to moving forward even if it is one step forward and ten steps back!
Having limited time to myself to work on my writing is difficult at best. Without a clear mind it has been no problem anyway. I prefer it to the constant battle I had been having filling the alone time. Being a caregiver, a Mom - always a Mom, my time has been revolving around how to be a helper, a teacher and guide. I have been enjoying reading the works of other innovative writers in the meantime.
I read a funny blog the other day by "Renegade Mom" who writes about her life being hi-jacked now that she is a Mom - very good read but what she doesn't realize is that you are still you, it is your ability to adjust and deal with the chaos along with readjusting your identity. I guess we all have two choices, to stay and fight or to run and hide.
I am tired though, too tired to fight, run or hide! I am thankful that Spring is on it's way and soon the trees will be budding and the grass will be growing, and the weather will allow for more outdoor activities, longer days and warmer weather. I look forward with anticipation for the days when I can get up and sit on my deck and watch the squirrels and feed the birds and soak up the beautiful sun once again.