Being sick is beginning to take it's toll. Ever since the unusual back pain on Friday I have had less energy and ambition. The simple act of just driving around with my friends to Bartlett's Apple Orchard and the drive to Lee sapped my energy and my motivation. I cannot seem to shake it.
I feel like all I do now is rest and sleep and decline doing anything except the minimum requirements to keep my life and my household going without overdoing it (the floors need to be cleaned and there are dishes waiting in the sink from dinner.)
I wake up more fatigued than I was when I went to bed, if that is even possible and I resist the urge to just go lay down and do nothing! It is beginning to cause a shift in my attitude and my ability to even care about being my good natured self ~ I am feeling myself sinking down a great hole of depression!
It is depressing in itself to be standing on the edge of that swirling black hole ~ knowing that a slight breeze can send me spiraling down into the endless hole of darkness. Even with awesome things to look forward to ~ my granddaughter and our first sleepover ~ the much anticipated visit from another friend from down South and the beauty of the fall surrounding me I am struggling.
It doesn't help that while I was gathering paperwork for my fuel assistant application and I phoned Social Security for verification of income that the man who answered my call to tell me how sorry he was that he could not give me what I needed due to the shutdown of our government.
A man working without pay ~ a man who no doubt is also feeling the grips of the horrible economy due to the recession and the war as well as a majority of Americans in this country ~ apologizing to me. I wanted to cry right there on the phone. I thanked him for his continued service and apologized to him for our government whom he works for with my voice cracking almost unable to get the words out.
I do not understand politics and government to a large extent. I do not understand how our government can cause the complete ruin of our country in the blink of an eye. I don't know how all of the people in our country are not outraged and doing something. But what is there to do?
How did our country stray so far from what our forefathers set up and which worked for the people, by the people. Why are some people using their power to make so many people suffer? Why don't all people count the same?
I watched Steven Spielberg's "Lincoln" the other day. I had to watch it in two parts because it was so long and I cannot always stay awake during really long movies ~ especially when I am comfortable in my bed. I think Abe would be rolling over in his grave right about now ~ as would all of our forefathers who so diligently put together the Constitution of the United States of America.
I am surprised they are not roaming the earth and haunting our current politicians responsible for making a mockery of our Constitution for what seems like a personal vendetta against the President ~ why? Because he is a man of color? Yes, I wrote it and I believe it to be true. Let the man do his job which the people elected him to do ~ please for God's sake!
The government is not supposed to be run by the corporations and for the corporations and it seems to me that is the way of our world. It makes me sick and ashamed to be an American. Watching our world ~ which was divided by class and race before but which now takes it to a whole new level putting so many people up so high to look down and squish everyone else who is not as such under their shoes like little bugs and without a thought.
I wonder how they sleep at night? I bet they sleep fine ~ sipping on overpriced alcohol and enjoying the good things in life while many Americans sit in bread lines and get at best outdated and sometimes spoiled food ~ not even fit for human or animal consumption, trying to figure out how to eat and pay the bills and stay warm with winter fast approaching.
I worry. I try not to. Rarely do I get involved or voice an opinion in regards to what is going on in the country. I am old school and I fear government. I fear it even more now. I wonder, how we are going to make it through to the other side and what the other side is going to look like. I worry about being a useless air breather and food eater in this day and age. I worry for me and I worry for every other American in this country.
Sorry, but for once I do not see a silver lining in this situation. I see starving and fear and death. People reacting by trying to drive through the gate at the White House and not being disabled but being shot dead ~ dead people can't tell you why they did something ~ what ever happened to disabling a person who is a threat?
Why is everything so extreme? Why are people lighting themselves on fire? What is going to come next? When any form of protest could be considered as an act of terrorism and you could be killed for trying to use your voices and show what side you are on how can the people be heard let alone make a peaceful stand that won't get them killed?
You may agree or disagree depending on your economic status with what is going on in the country. The people who are doing fine choose not to see the struggle ~ they feel if they ignore what is going on it is not happening ~ until they are down here with the majority of Americans struggling. I am pretty sure that is not how it is supposed to go.
What happened to our great country and how do we make it great once again? The balance needs to be restored. Please let us put our prejudices aside and be the fine country that we once were not so long ago!