Wednesday, July 29, 2015


Despite the worries of the past couple of days, which of course today look very small in light of the whole big picture of life, one grain of sand, caught in the corner of my eye - rinsed out so now I can see clearly once again.

I am balanced, feet planted firmly on the ground where they need to be, no desire to run away or jump off the highest building in our City (which I would never do, by the way).  Realizing what I know to be true, that I am human and sometimes I lack faith and my resolve gets weakened.

Lucky to have wise women and men around me who are compassionate and who give me the strength I need when I am weakening, and blessedly learning to accept from others instead of being alone and feeling so helpless.

Today I am waking up with a new outlook, new day, fresh slate.  I must say, however that yesterday, I tried, but every now and again I feel into despair, not drink a shot kind of despair, since we all know it is not good to drink when you have troubles on your mind.  Last night I had to force myself to go to the Astronomy Talk but by the time I left I was back to my self.

I went home and Dad was asleep, fed, and medicated with the correct medicine, Thomas had fed him and had a plate for me, but I was too tired to eat dinner.  He tried to "parent" me, but I won out in the end.  I am sure he was okay with that, since by morning he had eaten my dinner (no leftovers yeah!)

I put out the garbage for this morning last night, and came in to find that my friend Gene (who is also one of my Garbage Men) had messaged me to remind me to get my garbage out, which was very nice indeed.  I was planning on sleeping past 7 a.m. since I was up at 5 the day before and have a busy day today meeting 5 wonderful women Artists for my August Art Show at the Whit.

What made me realize last night how little the problem that bugged me two days ago, which I gave way too much power to, was realizing how small we really are in light of the whole universe, looking through the telescope seeing so clearly planets which can't be viewed with the naked eye, realizing we look back in time to see things which are light years away and have to wait 1000 years to see an event which happened already but which won't be visible to us until then.

Sounds confusing doesn't it.  I am amazed myself, and hope it is coming through and not just confusing you, Basically, what is - is, what happens-happens and all that is important is our reactions.  Mainly I was mad at myself more than anything.  Looking at the biggest picture of all- the entire universe, we are small indeed, and it is vast and huge and seemingly endless and it goes on, runs its cycle which is life, death and transformation, but it is Awe Inspiring and we just need to look and see and be filled with wonder.  I choose to keep my eyes, brain and heart filled with awe and wonder.

Burdened with FAILURE.  I hate to fail, whether it is my own life or in assisting someone else.  In this case, my failure to explain basic info to my Dad so that he can understand it to make his life easier in the long run.  All I did was get upset with him and myself, when it turns out the whole thing was based on misinformation.

Another pet peeve - if you are a professional, do your job, do it right the first time.  I hate that, and yes, I will always hate that, as I am a person who tries to do my best always.  Energy is important and wasting it doing a job wrong the first time is unacceptable to me.  I don't have enough time or energy to waste either one!

So, now I am all good, as the saying goes.  I have been rewarded today with my change in outlook already.  I can move forward in my day and into the next month with the grace, confidence and attitude I need to survive to fight another day.

I am truly blessed and it is all because of Faith, attitude and outlook.


  1. Good post! As usual, I have been rooting for you, but it is good to read this, and it is well said.

  2. Jen: Love that you are back down to terra firma. Take a deep breath - don't get your big girl panties in a knot, and show the world you are back and taking prisoners. So they better watch out. Got your back at all times. Love you.