Thursday, July 30, 2015


In life there are times when we find ourselves in situations that at first seemed good, fine and worthwhile.  Over time, even though the joy and fulfillment are there, you have to assess the cost and factor in what you put in and what you get back.  Sometimes the cost is move expensive than the fulfillment and effort.

If you are anything like me, then you might find yourself giving all you can give only to have people place more responsibility on you to have less on themselves to the point that they stop doing anything for themselves and for their primary responsibility which they have graciously dumped on you.

I find myself in two situations like that now.  One is quite different than the other, a duty rather than a fulfillment, and the other is quite possibly the most fun and affirming thing (except raising my children) that I have ever done, to date, in my life.

As I look over these two situations I find myself realizing that one on it's own is just as bad as the other, complete with the realization that people will just take, take, take and expect that you will give all that you have instead of drawing the line.

Each situation has become too expensive.  The only thing I can do now is figure out a way to lessen my involvement, lay down boundaries or demand (sounds harsh) that things change and find the fulfillment elsewhere.

As I consider the time and effort in each situation, it pains me that those who are shall we say benefiting, instead of being thankful and appreciative are expecting more and giving less, I wonder how people can be so cavalier about using another person to such extreme lengths with just a thank you (if that)?

I recently read that there are Vampires, (vampires are a theme throughout my life)  just not the blood-sucking ones that are portrayed in the movies, the real life vampires suck the life right out of you, draining you until you are empty while they fill up on your energy take away everything inside you until you are nothing but a shell.

I used to romanticize vampires, and want to be a vampire, with great powers of persuasion and abilities (not really into the blood sucking though), enhanced by Anne Rices books which I devoured when I was a teenager (and still love to this day).  Now days I don't really want to be a vampire, but I sure could use some repellent!

So the question remains, what to do about these nasty vampires who are sucking my life out of me?  The time has come to look inside myself and accept that the takers are taking too much and changes need to be made despite the cost.

I feel I have paid my dues and repercussions be damned.  If it means I am the bad guy, the enemy, the asshole, whatever word one wants to call me, I guess I am almost ready to accept it, almost.  I am not willing to give my life to people who do not appreciate me all in the name of Love.

Now, you might be thinking "Good for you" but the hard part is really after the awareness, leaving the denial behind, and finding ways to just say NO.  Ultimately I am responsible for what I take on and I am equally responsible for fixing what I have allowed to happen.

As of this day, I am making a public pledge to myself to untangle myself from these ludicrous people who are sucking the life and livelihood out of me.  I hope that the repercussions in my head are worse that the reality will be, but all in all I will be the one to gain and lose.  In the long run I think it is the only way I can live with myself without wanting to jump off of the highest building in the city!

So today, as I wake up, assess and take care of business, I mark my calendar and set my limits and voice them clearly to all involved, because, after all, I am the only one who knows when I have reached my limit and when ENOUGH is ENOUGH!

I don't look forward to what comes next.  I will be hated once again, I will be talked about by people who don't know what they are talking about and judged by those who are the very people who are doing the taking.

They are not important in the grand scheme of things.  They are just like me, puppets in this life.  I am cutting the strings and breaking free of my puppet masters.  It is time.  Wish me luck and keep me in your prayers because this is going to be one of the most difficult things I have ever done in my entire life, and I have had to overcome major difficulties.  It is time to take my life back!

1 comment:

  1. This actually sounds wonderful. Probably not so easy, but worth doing. I find that a person's great strengths are often closely tied to their weaknesses. You are someone with a great and giving heart, and a tremendous capacity for giving. You would never want to lose that. But you need to find out how to be that way without getting hurt. Everything will always be there, but it work better, and give greater happiness. Sounds like you know that.

    It's also OK to say no. IIt can be hard, but i have found that often people have just been seeing how far they could push it, and when you say, enough, they just let it go.

    And remember there are those of us who are there FOR you, not for what we can get FROM you. And I suspect that we have a lot of the same issues! Better to spend our energy on people who can give back, and want to.