I am a little anxious today. It has been building up all week. I feel it is not warranted and I am trying not to fuel it by thinking too much. I can work myself into a total tizzy so much so it makes me dizzy.
I have been overcompensating for the past two months, trying to cover a painful situation with as much activity outside of my normal life, going non stop. For the most part it has helped keep me distracted. It has been necessary.
I feel like one of my friend Dion's marionettes. I for one do not like when someone else is pulling my strings, feeling like they have control and controlling me. It makes me uncomfortable. String pullers always deny what they are doing, or tell you, it is part of a plan that is ultimately for your own good.
Trust me, no matter how much something seems like it is for your own good it isn't. The plan is the plan and whatever you, the puppet play in it, you are still the puppet and they are the puppet master. What might be good for the puppet master is usually not that good for the puppet.
Then there are those doubters and haters. They lurk in the shadows, or maybe stand right next to you, say "Wow, that is great, I am happy for you.", when what they really mean is - "You are not good enough, smart enough or educated enough." Even if you are!
I am fighting being pulled into this alternate reality. I prefer my own reality, the one where I have the blinders on, am aware of the naysayers and haters, where I live, act and do what I do with a smile and pure enjoyment, selflessly giving all that I can give to be a success at whatever I am doing.
At times like these, I find it important to rejuvenate with some sunshine, fresh air, nature and/or people. Yesterday afternoon was one of those days that I reached a peak and needed not to get in the car and drive, feeling like I am a permanent fixture in the car doing and going sick of picking up mail and doing errands. Missing the days of walking in the city I live to get things done.
I took a walk up the street towards Downtown. I hadn't made it two blocks when I was reminded of what I miss by not being out in the world - people,, human contact. Sitting on a friends stoop, catching up for a few minutes before making my way further along on my journey.
I hadn't made it to the Park when I came upon two of my "neighbors" chatting. Two older gentleman whom I always say hello to. I stopped and we chatted. One of them pointed out that they haven't seen me walking through in a while, and we caught up on the news of the day.
I entered the Park, the sun was shining, the kids were playing in the new Water Park next to the playground. I looked over and smiled at the kids playing, happy to see them in their happiness. Suddenly, I was spotted and the next thing you know a dear sweet friend was running over to give me a hug - a huge smile on her face, which of course brought one to mine.
Reminders...love, those reminders from those people who are not in my immediate world but who orbit it and seem to zone in when I am feeling like I was feeling. Authentic, real. No Agendas. I count these friends as my true blessings.
Looking around the Park I noticed they had finally put up the Basketball hoops. They must have just done it recently since there were no kids playing hoop where normally there would be groups of kids playing or waiting to play.
The Landscapers busily tending to the Gardens making it all pretty. Putting some finishing touches on the plants. Getting ready for the Holiday. I made my way onward. I had a couple of things to do, but mainly I just wanted to feel the sun on my face and feel alive.
I reached North Street and joined Richard for a walk to the store even though I didn't need anything. I bought a salad since they had some in the cooler and ate my lunch while I was walking and made it down the other end of the street.
I had reserved a gift at a local store two months ago and finally went to pick it up. It turned out to be a win/win situation. Turns out I found the final artists for my September Art Show I have been working on. Blessings abound! You do get what you need sometimes it is handed to you on a silver platter, or in this case, a silver jewelry box!
I treated myself to a tea at the Market Place. Checking out the Art for today's show in case I am unable to leave my own show this evening. I got it to go, but sat outside and observed the people walking and driving. Enjoying sitting and listening to the sounds and sights of the day.
I made my way back home. My friend was still in the Park - we waved our greetings as I passed through. I made it halfway down the next street and spotted the lady with the blue eyed dog. I have been chatting with her and petting her dog for a couple of years now.
She asked about my Dad and then her neighbor arrived and came over to pet the dog as well. The neighbor is another woman I always say hello to and soon the three of us were deep in conversation. It turns out all three of us have spine issues and have been dealing with similar happenings health wise.
The neighbor (names are not important), Mom of Yip and Yap, the two mini Yorkies, mentioned she had a pond and fish in her backyard. I was impressed and she invited me into her yard to show me. Pointing out the beautiful flower beds and showing off her Country Yard in the middle of the city.
She loaded me up with Spearmint for my garden and some pretty purple flowers which grow like wild fire to enhance my garden. I must have looked pretty funny to the neighbors as I walked down the street with my bundles of plants, roots and dirt and all as I walked the block home.
I dropped the plants outside, unlocked the house and grabbed the shovel. Eager to get my hands in the dirt and plant the latest additions into my Flowerbed with my Mother's Day plants from the past two years and the Daisy's Ains and I planted last year which are in abundance!!!
After putting my shovel back in the cellar and washing the dirt off my hands I felt better. Tom got up finally. I got a message saying my labels were ready so I went over to the Gallery and put up most of my labels so I could have a chill day today and not worry about the show until Showtime.
Despite feeling awesomely rejuvenated and thankful for each encounter put in front of me I was still a bit bothered by the week. Worry and fear are always near. I sit here and pray that these feelings will go away.
I have been overcompensating for the past two months, trying to cover a painful situation with as much activity outside of my normal life, going non stop. For the most part it has helped keep me distracted. It has been necessary.
I feel like one of my friend Dion's marionettes. I for one do not like when someone else is pulling my strings, feeling like they have control and controlling me. It makes me uncomfortable. String pullers always deny what they are doing, or tell you, it is part of a plan that is ultimately for your own good.
Trust me, no matter how much something seems like it is for your own good it isn't. The plan is the plan and whatever you, the puppet play in it, you are still the puppet and they are the puppet master. What might be good for the puppet master is usually not that good for the puppet.
Then there are those doubters and haters. They lurk in the shadows, or maybe stand right next to you, say "Wow, that is great, I am happy for you.", when what they really mean is - "You are not good enough, smart enough or educated enough." Even if you are!
I am fighting being pulled into this alternate reality. I prefer my own reality, the one where I have the blinders on, am aware of the naysayers and haters, where I live, act and do what I do with a smile and pure enjoyment, selflessly giving all that I can give to be a success at whatever I am doing.
At times like these, I find it important to rejuvenate with some sunshine, fresh air, nature and/or people. Yesterday afternoon was one of those days that I reached a peak and needed not to get in the car and drive, feeling like I am a permanent fixture in the car doing and going sick of picking up mail and doing errands. Missing the days of walking in the city I live to get things done.
I took a walk up the street towards Downtown. I hadn't made it two blocks when I was reminded of what I miss by not being out in the world - people,, human contact. Sitting on a friends stoop, catching up for a few minutes before making my way further along on my journey.
I hadn't made it to the Park when I came upon two of my "neighbors" chatting. Two older gentleman whom I always say hello to. I stopped and we chatted. One of them pointed out that they haven't seen me walking through in a while, and we caught up on the news of the day.
I entered the Park, the sun was shining, the kids were playing in the new Water Park next to the playground. I looked over and smiled at the kids playing, happy to see them in their happiness. Suddenly, I was spotted and the next thing you know a dear sweet friend was running over to give me a hug - a huge smile on her face, which of course brought one to mine.
Reminders...love, those reminders from those people who are not in my immediate world but who orbit it and seem to zone in when I am feeling like I was feeling. Authentic, real. No Agendas. I count these friends as my true blessings.
Looking around the Park I noticed they had finally put up the Basketball hoops. They must have just done it recently since there were no kids playing hoop where normally there would be groups of kids playing or waiting to play.
The Landscapers busily tending to the Gardens making it all pretty. Putting some finishing touches on the plants. Getting ready for the Holiday. I made my way onward. I had a couple of things to do, but mainly I just wanted to feel the sun on my face and feel alive.
I reached North Street and joined Richard for a walk to the store even though I didn't need anything. I bought a salad since they had some in the cooler and ate my lunch while I was walking and made it down the other end of the street.
I had reserved a gift at a local store two months ago and finally went to pick it up. It turned out to be a win/win situation. Turns out I found the final artists for my September Art Show I have been working on. Blessings abound! You do get what you need sometimes it is handed to you on a silver platter, or in this case, a silver jewelry box!
I treated myself to a tea at the Market Place. Checking out the Art for today's show in case I am unable to leave my own show this evening. I got it to go, but sat outside and observed the people walking and driving. Enjoying sitting and listening to the sounds and sights of the day.
I made my way back home. My friend was still in the Park - we waved our greetings as I passed through. I made it halfway down the next street and spotted the lady with the blue eyed dog. I have been chatting with her and petting her dog for a couple of years now.
She asked about my Dad and then her neighbor arrived and came over to pet the dog as well. The neighbor is another woman I always say hello to and soon the three of us were deep in conversation. It turns out all three of us have spine issues and have been dealing with similar happenings health wise.
The neighbor (names are not important), Mom of Yip and Yap, the two mini Yorkies, mentioned she had a pond and fish in her backyard. I was impressed and she invited me into her yard to show me. Pointing out the beautiful flower beds and showing off her Country Yard in the middle of the city.
She loaded me up with Spearmint for my garden and some pretty purple flowers which grow like wild fire to enhance my garden. I must have looked pretty funny to the neighbors as I walked down the street with my bundles of plants, roots and dirt and all as I walked the block home.
I dropped the plants outside, unlocked the house and grabbed the shovel. Eager to get my hands in the dirt and plant the latest additions into my Flowerbed with my Mother's Day plants from the past two years and the Daisy's Ains and I planted last year which are in abundance!!!
After putting my shovel back in the cellar and washing the dirt off my hands I felt better. Tom got up finally. I got a message saying my labels were ready so I went over to the Gallery and put up most of my labels so I could have a chill day today and not worry about the show until Showtime.
Despite feeling awesomely rejuvenated and thankful for each encounter put in front of me I was still a bit bothered by the week. Worry and fear are always near. I sit here and pray that these feelings will go away.
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