Authenticity

I like strangers.  Strangers do not know you, do not judge you, usually a stranger will say "Hello" back.  Sometimes a stranger will even turn out to be your best friend whom you hadn't met yet.  When I had my dream job in marketing I used to love it!  Everyone was a stranger.  A couple of them turned out to be friends outside of the circuit, some of them remember me when ever we are fortunate and our paths cross!  Strangers do not betray you.  How can they - they don't know you.

I think that I have said it before that I haven't always liked people.  It isn't really the people.  It is their behavior which I find deplorable.  I was once a secretary in a church.  It was a lovely church and I enjoyed working there very much.  I love publishing the newsletter twice a month and mailing it out bulk mail with help from a couple of volunteers.  I love Sunday Bulletins and especially special Sunday Bulletins, although the mimeograph machine didn't always like the thicker stock and would fight me on the printing.  I loved the peace and solitude of the balcony of the empty Sanctuary, and I love the acoustics when an orchestra rented out the church and I got to enjoy amazing classical music there.  I loved helping people who needed help.  It turns out that I don't like Christians who are un-Christian.  People who put forth one face and it is just a cover up.

I think that is one of the reasons I distrust people.  Too many people now use who they know and how many people they know as a status.  How many Facebook Friends do you have?  I know how many I have and I am proud to say I know each one of them in "real" life.  I don't collect friends.  I have people I know who are waiting for me to accept friend requests right now.  Out of the 200+ people that I know there are less than five who know me or whom I know currently.  That includes my family.

I think my problem is that I start out meeting people and they are great, we have a connection - then something happens and you hang out, hit it off, become best friends.  I am always myself - I don't put on a false face - I believe what I believe, say what I say, do what I do.  I believe that my "friends" should do the same, be the same - be authentic. Do you not know what an honor it is to be invited into my world?  Into my home - my sanctuary?!

We all are different - different backgrounds, different experiences, different likes, dislikes, ideas.  I accept and I share and I am - while nine times out of ten you have a false face on - you nod, agree or run.  How am I to know if you are not yourself and haven't been yourself just  what is authentic?  With me you always know.  You either like me or you don't.  If you don't like me but benefit from me in some way then you are not my friend.

It hurts me when you look at me like I have three heads because you judge me from your place in your world.  I accept you when ever - what ever.  I forgive you although you do not even have a clue what a friend is until the next time you need to vent or complain or you need help.  You do not even know when you hurt me, don't notice and do not care.  I do not need help.  I am and have always been secure with myself.  I have learned not to need from people.  I am content with myself and even at my weakest I have great strength.  This I do know.

A friend of mine told me today that I have suffered enough in my life.  I would like to reassure him that I agree.  I have suffered.  But I have looked beyond the suffering, and how could my suffering be considered as such when there are many people who have suffered in more horrendous ways???  There are always those who have it worse to make yours look less.    My life has just had a few bumps in the road.  I find that you ride through it and pick up from there.