Saturday, November 24, 2012

Work in Progress

I, like most people really like the up times.  In the up times bothers are not as bothersome, solutions come easily.  Life is good.  Life is good until it is bad then it gets very, very bad.  Dark skies and pain even on sunny days.  Everyday, common problems become difficult to solve, chaos and confusion close at hand.

Life has been very interesting for me full of ups and downs.  To say that at times, my refusal to accept situations to the point of overlooking many things causes me more problems in my life than I need would be a huge understatement.  It leads me to realize, as I write this that I am my own worst enemy!

I am content with the person that I have always been, despite the bumps in the road.  I am enjoying breaking the ties that have kept me down, trapped inside myself, stuck in such a place - such a lonely painful place.  To say that life is perfect would be a stretch.

I accept responsibility for my actions, even when it is hard to do so.  I do not lie.  I am kind to people.  I am misunderstood at times.  Most people like me, although a few do not.  It used to bother me.  I don't care anymore.  They are not me.  I find that most people who don't like me are lacking the things that I have naturally.  I am not a front or a fake,  although I used to hide and try to be invisible.

I still feel like a young adult even though I am middle aged.  I like to say that my children are getting older, not me.  Although sometimes I feel like I have been on the planet for 100 years.  Perhaps I have just been here reliving my lesson that I need to learn and failing.  This may actually be the life that I learn the lesson in.  I sure hope so!

I feel that I have been learning and growing as a person.  Living in my small little world, one in which the rest of the world simply did not exist.  I did not follow news, politics etc.  I still keep it to a minimum.  I like good news and that is few and far between.

I like art and books and unicorns.  I collect all kinds of things.  I want to have a room just for my books, it is my dream to have a library someday.  I dream of traveling and seeing with my own eyes everything I want to see!  It will be a long trip, the world is a big place and I am very curious.  I like to buy myself flowers, yet now that I have no money I pick them in season and fill my vases.  They are their for the taking to enhance and beautify.  I grow mini roses so that I can have flowers year round.  They make me feel good.

I believe that life is what you make it.  It is a journey, an adventure or it is work and repetition - dull unhappy people stuck in their dull and unhappy lives.  I am a worrier who prefers to have nothing to worry about.  A gypsy who has been waiting to be free.

I am a simple woman, my needs are few.  When I am happy the world is a better place!  I am a work in progress.

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