Friday, August 9, 2013


I have been deep in thought since Wednesday when one of my oldest friends sons was injured my a firearm.  It was an accident from what I understand which has now turned into a huge tragedy resulting in a young man passing.

Over the years I was not there to watch my friends sons grow into men, as my friend was not in my life to watch my sons grow into men either, as lives move in different directions.  Our sons were friends because we were and shared childhood memories and they were pretty close in ages.

This incident coincides with the visit from another woman from my life and we were all friends with each other, she has been gone for a long while as well.  All of our children have connections with each other    We are it.

The thing about the three of us women, is that we are all three strong women who have done the best that we could to raise our boys up to be the best that they could.  We sacrificed and worked hard to give our boys what we could materialistically, they had more love and guidance than two parent children have.  We gave all of ourselves and love our boys up to the heavens and back again and would give our lives for them.

These two women out of everyone on the planet whom I am blessed to know ~ are my oldest and dearest friends regardless of how often we see each other or know of the day to day details of each others lives.  I can honestly say that her loss is my loss but I can only imagine how she is feeling.

I have been numb. To make matters worse my son is visiting his brother so I am surrounded by a loud silence.  And rain.  I was thankful when Laura called and she was up the street asking directions ~ future daughter in law in tow asking me if now was a good time.

Any minute of any day is a good time for a visit from one of my oldest friends.  The years pass too quickly and the time is more valuable than gold ~ the comfortable familiar presence of someone who knows you through and through ~ loves you and remembers the times before.  If you have a true blue friend you know what I mean.

Time flew quickly, although we got to spend the afternoon together.  Back to silence the loud and pounding silence.  Opened the book to escape down the river on a raft with Huck Finn until I needed to unload my brain which remains the only thing that is not silent but there are too many tangents to be coherent!

Hard to believe it is Friday again.  A whole week and I have been promising you all week to tell you about the artists I found most amazing and interesting to gaze upon their work and listen to their stories and be amazed at by what amazed me and I will, but not right now.

I have been jolted and distracted.  Counting my blessings and keep my sorrow in check.  Being distracted by networking at Jacobs Pillow and the amazing stage outside.  The amazing view of the treetops and mountain behind the dancers dancing.  The music sad and slow then up and the movements both graceful and jagged.  The audience ~ full attention to the stage engrossed ~ the little girls in front of the stage watching the dancers and moving as they move dancing in their dreams at night.

Anger and sorrow and fresh air and people.  Going through the motions but no one knows me so no one knows.  A walkway down to a pond with little fish trying to eat a piece of timothy drooped over into the water.  The cattails all around me ~ sheltered from everything on the planet except my thoughts for a moment at peace and alone with the fish.  Reflecting and reflections and deafening loud silence!

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