The service for my Great Aunt was very nice. The usual Catholic Mass, complete with communion and a small sermon on belonging. It was very touching. My cousins did a beautiful job in planning and there was a small group of people at the Funeral Parlor, Church and Cemetery.
Afterwards the family and close friends had brunch together and it was very nice to see everyone and catch up with some of the news of the past few years. I met a couple of relatives whom I have never met before and saw some cousins whom I used to spend time with but not so much since elementary school days. I had even forgotten that one of my cousins taught one of my sons in Elementary School in the fourth grade, when she asked me about him, I had to ask her how she knew him, and she reminded me! Boy am I a forgetful person!
It was nice spending time with my brother. He lives a couple of states away, having left for college and not living here after college - marrying, having a child - we rarely ever speak to each other but when we do it is like no time has passed, just a lot of events called life in between. I love my baby brother!! I can't believe my nephew is going to be what - 16 this year! It is unfortunate that peoples lives take them in different directions and that time goes by so quickly!
He is one person that no matter how infrequently that I see, I never doubt that he loves me. When my Dad left and my Mom had to work all of the time to support the two of us, it was my job to protect him and look after him, which I would did (except for the pins in his bed) and still would do. Even though I was jealous when we were little about how much everyone loved my fat little curly headed blond haired brother, he meant the world to me, and still does.
I am so glad that he got away from here and has a good life and is a wonderful Dad. I am very proud of him! Thankfully he does not spend his life being a wise guy anymore and pushing my buttons! He finally got to see my new home, which got his approval! Yeah!
I am really tired from worrying about everything in advance like I do. I am that way. I picture the worse and hope for the best. Now the best would have been if my Mom would have talked to me, but I will settle for having sat at a table and had a meal with her and my brother and a couple of Uncles and Cousins without her getting up and moving to another table. She even laughed a little.
I know that she will never forgive me and she blames me for things that I am partially responsible for, but I was being a Mom and looking out for my children, which I do hope she will see one day, I doubt that day will ever come though. We are both stubborn people and the road to forgiveness is long and winding to say the least. I am definitely my mother's daughter though and I wish that I could tell her that she was right about so many things but also wrong about others. I think she would be surprised at how much I have grown as a person.
As our family gets smaller and time gets shorter I find that I do understand a little more clearly each day how important it is to cherish your loved ones. Life is so short - to short to waste on grudges and hurt feelings. You cannot change the past. You can only make a better future. No one lives forever and I would hate it if my mother never forgave me - although she is doing a really good job on making it feel like forever and never!
It would be nice to turn back time and have a redo knowing all of the things that I know know in order to make different choices, unsay words, un feel feelings, I know that is impossible. I wish I were young again, sitting at our cottage on the lake, floating in the water and not concerned about anything.
When you are young you don't really understand how monumental your choices or lack of choices will affect your entire life! I know that now. The lessons in life we learn! With hope it is not too late! I do know that you are never too old to learn new tricks, and here is to two old dogs learning how to forgive and forget and love each other again.