What I would give for the ability to turn back time! I wish it was December 17 and I was getting ready to decorate and get into the holiday spirit again! I am so happy that I have those past wonderful memories to help keep my mind off of the dentist and the real life issues that have been surrounding me these past few weeks!
These couple of weeks of ongoing surprises and the lessons they have provided for me have been invaluable in a few ways. A couple of those lessons have been provided by other people, and a couple of them I have learned from and will grow from the lessons provided.
I have seen first hand the power of fear, love and Karma! I have been able to separate the facts from the actions and while, for a moment I was willing to accept responsibility for other's negative actions as my own until a good friend told me I could not own something which did not belong to me, and another good friend told me that people know the truth and I am a firm believer in the truth prevailing.
I have been upset and totally frustrated by a couple of things which have happened where people have taken advantage of my good and generous nature and I have really done an amazing job of not slipping to lower levels of behavior which are really unbecoming and reactionary. Not to say that I did not rant about it in the privacy of my own home, and Karma did make a blessed appearance! Major milestones!!! I am also aware that bully's will always be bullies, until they meet another bully who is stronger and in more pain than them, or until they learn to love themselves, stop blaming others and deal with their deeper problems.
One of my failures, which I have to work on is not responding to the bait from a hateful person. While I said nothing back which is untrue, I lack the compassion to be extra nice and sweet and caring with someone who carries so much pain and anger. I simply do not care. I read the book on manipulation and guilt and to clarify, I am a snob towards snobby people who think they are better than everyone else and who use their erroneous feelings of power and control to use and manipulate people. I have learned to recognize it, now I need work at not responding to it, or more correctly, not responding to it!
I forget that not everyone is nice. Some people pretend to be nice. Some people look for nice people to use and manipulate. As a nice person, I find that nice guys don't finish last, they just have to get past all of the people who seem to have forgotten common courtesy and manners.
I have also been accused of using my blog to malign someone else, by that someone else. I am not in agreement with that. My blog is not an outlet to spread gossip or lies. It is a sharing of my personal journey and expression of my self, my experiences and my feelings. I make a point in not sharing other peoples stories, I am very careful about that, even to the extent where I don't share.
It makes it difficult at times, to write my story and respect the feelings of say, my children who are not reading and who have no idea what I am writing. I keep them very general in my blog, as they are uncomfortable in me writing about them, but how can I share Christmas, without including them? See what I mean. How can I share my story when my children have been in my life since 1985 and have been my life? One of my dilemmas which I hope to figure a way through and which will make it less difficult to be able to continue to share!
I am not perfect, I am a work in progress - working at changing my negative perceptions of myself and removing negative from my life - not feeding the hate but growing the love and joy and light which life is meant to be about, in myself and to the rest of the world, however large or small my world is! I embrace the challenges as they are what show us the way, whether in the moment or after the smoke clears and they are where the lessons lie!