One of the things which I have been trying to understand and learn over the past few months has been with dealing with people. I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be, but I am always myself, nice, angry, sad, frustrated and uncensored. I am a snob. I hate fake people who put on airs, pretend to be something/someone they are not. I expect people to be themselves in most instances and cannot stand it when people are one way to your face and totally different behind your back. And I totally HATE people who take advantage of the kindness of strangers and friends alike and play stupid about it.
When I do a job, I put 110% of myself into, whether it is paid or volunteer. When I volunteer, I am not volunteering for the free food (although I do eat it), and I don't sit around and watch others do the work and take the credit for it. I do not volunteer so I can see free movies or get something out of it besides the experience and opportunity to meet people and get out in the world as my world is a bit small.
During my year and a half of volunteering I have met some amazing people. I have been volunteered up willingly and without hesitation give of myself without expectations as long as I am available. When I do a paid job and get paid less than the people who are volunteering because they "owe" someone money and do not do any work it kind of yanks my chain a bit!
I have recently had that experience. Giving my time, keeping my word despite ill health and injury, gathering help, learning that all the others that were there were just window decoration and not really there except to put in hours and not really labor, and expecting two people to do all of the lifting and work for a small business is just ridiculous to me and unfathomable, but a valuable lesson, one I will not be learning the hard way the second time around.
One other thing about me, when I have been taken advantage of, it is my choice to remain the victim or accept the loss, pray for Karma and move on. I accept the loss, know that Karma is real and HOPE for the best in my growing and the STRENGTH not to be the victim and see how some people really are!
In seeing how people really are and in keeping true to myself and having been very untrue to myself as I keep getting manipulated by a crier Yes, tears work on women from other women as well. Not being one to use any of those control and manipulation techniques but being aware of them and allowing myself to be manipulated I am being eaten alive inside. People who use other people do not experience guilt feelings I do not believe. They learn to justify their actions or deny them and turn things around in my observations.
So I will accept the villain role, as I know that my name will be trashed. I hope that the people who know me and my standards and situation, aside from the people who are like this will not be affected by this in their opinion of me, I hope they know me well enough to see me for me and not listen to the haters who misinform and malign my reputation, but hey, it is the story of my life, the only difference is that I care about my life at this stage of the game!
I am sure some of you can relate to my words, I am not the only victim out there. Now to be true to myself, I have to do what I tell other people to do and "grow a set". I don't know why I care about the feelings of others who do not care about my feelings or my generosity, and I do not understand why I cannot be a big girl and remove the negative from my life - especially when it is more and more public and very disarming! I am on a journey forward not backward!