Sunday, November 3, 2013


Time is moving quickly ~ too quickly for me today.  I have done quite well all weekend blocking out the inevitable doom and gloom of Monday.  The great ArtWalk on Friday evening followed by a nice "after" ArtWalk party at the Whitney really went far to make that happen.

I think there were more people at the "Whit" then I saw altogether on North Street in the various galleries.  I started an hour late and still made it through to see every place I would normally go and fit in a new stop as well as "Relish" has begun showing as well.

The fun of living in "Cultural Pittsfield" is that ArtWalk occurs all year long ~ every first Friday.  I like it.  The artists switch up and have a lot of new art to show regularly, and there is usually one or two newcomers with some interesting art to look at as well.

The combination of wine and chocolate must be a great sleeping aide for me as well.  I have eaten my fair share of chocolate this week (and drank more wine than normal 2 glasses) could be worse ~ could have been bottles.  I slept in Saturday not getting up until almost noon ~ the new record I think!

Although it is only Sunday I cannot really recall doing much of anything at all on Saturday.  I thought about a couple of things and decided to take the day and chill.  I am focusing on preparation for tomorrow.  I still need to figure out what I am going to wear.  It will be cool so it will be pants for sure but that is as far as I have gotten.

The stress started to creep in earlier today.  Not in the normal way though.  It is because of a separate trouble (only trouble in my mind) nothing serious.  It has more to do with perspective and people and the universe bringing to my attention some other relationship which is similar only by its toxicity.

I was lamenting the "I don't understand why the universe would bring this to light the day before I have this big worry ahead of me on Monday."  An acquaintance pointed it out to me after I shared a brief history, making a good point by noticing the two individuals in question were similar only different in sex and age and social class.

Now, instead of worrying about either one situation specifically I now have a group classification.  Hmm, is the universe trying to point out something larger to me?  I am beginning to see a bigger picture here which if I can get this may just help me in my future tweaks and adjustments in my personal relationships.

I kind of  feel like how I think my un~socialized Akita/Chow felt.  Confused.  Thankfully it is not my behaviour which is in question ~ only my choices.  I am not the dog biting the hand I am the hand waiting for the bite and ouch I know it is going to hurt!

Knowing that I have once made a decision and it is in my best interest to stick with the very well planned and for the betterment of my health and quality of life and choosing to walk away from the fire instead of jumping into it to be standing next to the fire yet again knowing I should not be there I am choosing to step back and away and not walk that path towards the fire again.

Getting burned over and over by the same fire is not learning the lesson ~ as my friend Laura pointed out ~ the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.  Knowing that I choose the road less traveled in my case and I am walking away.  I fold.

Excuses are just words which people tell themselves to justify their behaviour.  If the excuse wasn't thrown in then it would have made the reality of the situation a bit more hazy to see but the excuse was the tell ~ it wasn't me ~ I took pills -that must be why I did that irrational behaviour ~ or I was crabby, sick or drunk take your pick.  I get it.  I appreciate the universe pointing this out to me ~ my friend for bringing the connection to light ~ myself for accepting and choosing the light and not the heat of the fire.  Now if I can only get through tomorrow without reacting to bullshit.

I got to practice today so with any luck and great determination on my part I will in the words of the Kinks "Stay in Control".

Sunday evening ~ packed with too many sitcom and drama choices to see them all ~ get me through the night with my boy Thomas to keep me company.  One more day and I will be finished with 28 years of extended bullshit!

A new chapter?  Many new chapters written and yet to be written!  I am so looking forward to putting this behind me and moving forward and never looking back!  If I had a glass I would have you all raise it now!  Keep me in your thoughts and send mucho grande positive vibes my way Monday between 9 and noon!

Aiming for the light!  Keeping it real and always trying to find the silver lining!  I know I can ~ I know I can!  I will let you know how I do in the 'morrow!  Have a great night everyone!

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