Thursday, August 27, 2015


I am very grateful to the Universe these days.  Why?  Because it is showing me a greater world of possibility than I have ever imagined in my life, for my life.  It hasn't always been so, but on this path of life I chose to grow.

A few years ago I began sharing my journey with the world through writing because I was scared to get close face to face with another human being (a specific person) on any level who made me look deep inside myself and answer the question of "Who I am" and "What kind of person am I".

These are questions which I am sure most people could answer pretty quickly in some way or another.  Me, not so much.  Over the course of these three years I have discovered and rediscovered who I am and what kind of person I am.

I can definitely say that I am an ever changing and evolving person who has always been on the path of understanding.  Understanding of myself, society and the world around me.  My outlook in the past had been one of negativity of my self and I harboured a lot of anger which I wasn't aware of.

As I discovered time and time again a disconnect between the myself who I thought I was and the person other people saw I became confused and then clarity hit me and due to an series of automobile accidents which changed my life and gave me the time, I chose to focus on becoming the person who was lost and hiding deep inside me.

I removed all negative aspects of my life, relationships, habits and people even if they were the closest people in the world to me.  It was not easy and still isn't, but it is a choice I made and cleaning the toxicity out of ones life is very uplifting.

I have been trying like mad for more than fifteen years to recognize (before it is too late) toxic situations and people.  Alas, it is very difficult, since in my case I see too often the good in people and instead of red flags, bells and whistles, I instead get very difficult lessons in the end.

How I respond to these things is still a little off.  I am learning.  My close companion, anger comes out.  Not anger, normally at those people and things in a reactionary way, but anger at myself mostly for failing to recognize these signs which are clearly there in hindsight.

Over the course of this past year I allowed myself to believe I was ready and had made a good choice in a relationship.  I was deeply connected and consumed willingly by this relationship.  It wasn't until reality hit and I found myself so devastated by the end of the relationship that I hit a very dark and low point.

I did something very different that I would normally do.  I filled my time, not dwelling on what went wrong, which was difficult since I was living in a different relationship apparently,  but with positive and healthy activities and people.  That is not to say that I do not see red when I run into my "failure".  I do, but as the minutes, hours, days, weeks and months pass I am finding it easier to accept and learn from.

Somehow it is changing my life, and the universe is providing me with so much goodness.  I am able to accept and acknowledge what others see inside of me that shines through in the things that I do. I can tell you, it feels good!

I have miles to go before I sleep as the expression goes.  I feel like I have journeyed a million miles already with a million more in front of me.  I am excited and full of ideas and dreams and goals for the first time in many, many moons and I am forever grateful!

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